You must have peeled an onion, right?

 

When you peel the "onion" layer by layer, you will find that it has no core.

This is the opposite of the "avocado" personality, the "onion" personality.

As long as there is a little negative feedback from the outside world, it breaks down inside and feels bad.

There is this person, A.

A has always liked fashion. After graduation, she joined an internationally renowned clothing company and was employed in front-line sales.

When relatives and classmates knew that she had become a salesperson, they despise her because it seems degrading for a graduate student to be a salesperson, putting on shoes and trying on clothes for others!"

Some mean classmates deliberately came to the store to let her serve them, taking the opportunity to put her down.

Although her income was good, she couldn't stand the ridicule of others and chose to resign.

Then she went to a government agency and stayed in an administrative position for ten years.

And the colleagues who were "salesperson" like her at the beginning, one became a company executive and the other became a fashion blogger.

Looking at her boring life day after day, she began to regret it:

"If I didn't give up at the beginning and persisted, I don't know what will happen now?"

One is always the protagonist of his own, and he should not always play a supporting role in other people's dramas.

What others think is good may not be suitable for you; what others despise may not necessarily be wrong.

Others can only judge your life, but they will not pay for your sorrows and joys, let alone be responsible for your life. SO you are the one who can decide for yourself.

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The really smart people live only 1% of their lives

Life is very tiring, if you are not tired now, you will be more tired in the future.

 

Life is like a season. After the spring, there will be winter. It is impossible to be prosperous all the time, and it is impossible to be full of flowers all the way.

Feel life, read life, think about your own things. When the words of a book seep into the heart and talk with the heart, when the soul runs into the book and communicates with the words. It is also a kind of happiness that the words can understand your heart, as if you have written yourself.

To be a pure person, let go of what you can’t bear; let go of what you can’t afford to hurt; ignore what you can’t figure out; let go of what you can’t hate. Life is a process of cultivation, why use this unyielding heart to look at people and things, trample yourself, and live up to the years.

The most difficult thing for a person to recognize is his own heart. Life is all about finding someone who is with you. There is nothing wrong with immature people being with immature people, and there is nothing wrong with mature people being with mature people, but there are many problems with mature people being with immature people.

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After middle age: work hard for money , spend money sparingly, and save money steadily

After middle age: work hard for money , spend money sparingly, and save money steadily

 

Some time ago, there was such a topic on the Internet: "What did you understand in the past three pandemic years?"

Someone summed up the following four points:

1. You have to have a house, otherwise you won’t even have a place to stay during quarantine;

2. You have to have savings, and you can maintain your life for at least a period of time if you are unemployed;

3. Lying at home is not as comfortable as imagined, because you will be extremely anxious because you have no income;

4. The more the society develops, the more black swan events there will be. You must have the ability to fight against such uncertainties.

In fact, the conclusion is: you have to be rich.

Money can not only bring dignity and decency, but also the confidence to walk in the world.

In the second half of life, if you want to be self-sufficient in money, you must be ruthless in making money, save money in spending, and be steady in saving money.

1. Work hard for money

A relative of mine was an executive in a tech company a few years ago, and her life was prosperous.

The good times didn't last long, the industry declined, and the company where my relatives worked was on the verge of bankruptcy.

After losing her job, she couldn't find a job of the same position, and refused to lower herself, so she simply stayed at home for a few months.

During this period, a HR friend offered her an olive branch and asked her to work as an assistant to the CEO of a company.

She hesitated for several days, and finally refused.

When she thought about how old she was, she still had to serve tea and water for others, and be ordered by others, and she felt that her self-esteem couldn't stand it.

Not long after, there was an emergency in her family and a large sum of money was needed.

Looking back, I wanted to go to that HR friend for help, but there was no position suitable for her in his company. Life is like this. When you have money to make, you can't save face. If you want to make money with your head down, you have no chance.

"Self-esteem is the skin, making money is to feed the belly, which one is more important to you?"

2. Spend money sparingly

If you don't know how to control your desire to consume, then no matter how much money you earn, you can't keep up with the speed of spending it, and you will squander it sooner or later.

When you are young, you can be wilful to spend all the money you earn.

But when you enter the middle age, you have to consider the burden on you.

There are old people and young in your family, and there are mortgages and insurance premiums to be paid.

Every penny must be spent wisely, and it is even more important to habitually check the balance when going out to spend.

3. Save money

A happy life will not just fall from the sky. Only by learning to invest and save can we have the capital to support the future.

As you get older, the savings in your pocket are your reassurance and your booster.

There used to be a breakfast shop near my house, which was owned by an old couple.

Except for the Chinese New Year, I have never seen this stall rest.

Even when I catches the earliest bus and goes downstairs at five o'clock in the morning, the couple is already preparing for the day to start. Suddenly one day, the stall closed.

I learned from neighbors in the neighborhood that their daughter was admitted to a good university and found a good job after graduation.

The couple also decided to take a break and travel around the world.

I am very curious: going out to travel around the world without doing business should cost a lot of money, right?

Neighbours said that the couple had been silently saving money for so many years.

Not only they managed to help their daughter buy a house with the down payment, but also had enough money in my pocket to live a happy life in their later years.

After middle age, every sum of money you save is your happiness in your later years.

The more balance you have in your card, the easier it will be to live in the future.

A simple and practical "333 Little Rules for Saving Money" works:

Divide your monthly salary into three equal parts: living expenses, savings, and investment.

Save money in this way, no matter what, you can save at least one-third of your income every month.

Of course, the ratio can be adjusted appropriately according to the actual situation, but it is best to strictly implement it according to the plan every month.

Accumulate over a long period of time, gather less to make more, and in the end it is also a big gain.

You must believe that every penny you save is an umbrella to protect you from wind and rain in your later years, and will eventually give you the most fulfilling sense of security.

We used to think that talking about money was crude, but now we find that 99% of the sorrows in the world are related to money.

No amount of chicken soup can compare to the sense of security of a banknote.

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The most important thing in life is to discover and know yourself

Listen: Podcast

The most important thing in life is to discover and know yourself

 

Happy people cultivate a calm attitude, let nature takes its place, do not force others, and do not oppose the world. If you have no desire, you will be free, and you can enjoy peace with a wide heart. There are too much regrets in life, and they all become forgotten in the end.

Some degree of pain has to be experienced in order to see the truth. In life, there will be as much pain as joy. Pain and joy are reflections of the soul, just like what is in the mirror depends on what is in front of the mirror. Tolerance is a bridge of mutual understanding and trust between people. An optimistic attitude comes from tolerance, generosity, empathy, and indifference to the world.

Life is not perfect, if you find that you are wrong, just start over; if you have no chance to start over, let it sink into the sea of ​​time forever. The so-called growing up of a person means daring to face oneself: before making a choice, be sincere and firm, after making a choice, have a heart that will never change.

To understand life is to understand oneself. Life is nothing more than that, let's do it and cherish it. Life is full of joy, and the longest harvest in life is actually to cherish. Life is like a road, there are ups and downs with mountains and rivers, and there are smooth roads with dark willows and flowers; life is like a river, sometimes it has twists and turns, and sometimes it bleeds thousands of miles. No matter how hard the road ahead is, no matter how helpless life is, as long as there is always happiness in your heart, there is no need to be depressed.​​​​

Life is short, and we need to make the most of it.

There are many things we can do to enjoy life before it's too late—and one of them is to appreciate the small things in life. Sure, it's easy to focus on the big picture when you're young, but as we get older, we tend to lose touch with all the little things that make up our lives.

But if you find time for these simple pleasures now…

you'll end up feeling better about yourself and more satisfied with your life than ever before.

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The Enneagram Personality You Should Know Yourself

The Enneagram Personality You Should Know Yourself

Have you heard of the Enneagram? Which of the 9 personalities do you belong to?

In personality psychology, the Enneagram is one of the most practical and accurate tool to understand someone. Through the awareness of personality types, you can see the laws of your own thinking patterns, emotional patterns and behaviour patterns in the shortest time. This is an ancient wisdom, knowledge about personality classification, which has a history of more than 2,500 years.

The Enneagram reveals our innermost values. Maybe you want to ask, what's the point of knowing my Enneagram?

Discover yourself

The Enneagram is a unique tool for personal growth and self-transformation because it delves into our core values. Understanding what drives our behaviour allows us to observe our deep beliefs, attitudes and choices, gain a level of insight, discover who we really are, and clarify our purpose in life.

Type 1: Pursue justice. This type of personality is driven by strong principles and is extremely good. They yearn for a moral, just and good world. Some people make concerted efforts to reduce pollution; some people are meticulous about how to fold their towels and how to arrange their condiments.

Type 2: Pursue connections. Twos aspire to connect with others through love and nurturing relationships. They care about others and are good at identifying and meeting other people's needs.

Type 3: Pursue values. Threes aspire to shine, to be role models, and to demonstrate personal worth. Threes are confident and adaptable. There are many efficient and excellent people in the whole group of Threes, including business people, athletes, celebrities, and spiritual mentors.

Type 4: Seek approval. What drives Fours forward is the desire to know themselves thoroughly. They are very longing for the inner world and are willing to go deep into their emotions. In them, you can see a sense of tenacity and creativity.

Type 5: Seek clarity. Fives seek clarity and sufficient knowledge. These people have great insight and insight, and can bring together different ideas to generate new ideas, which are often very simple and amazing.

Type 6: Seek Guidance. Seeking guidance is the driving force behind the Six. Sixes at their best have a clear direction, trust themselves, and influence and lead others. Firm and steady, they are willing allies and powerful team builders.

Type 7: Seek freedom. The driving force behind Sevens is the pursuit of freedom and possibility, and based on this, Sevens are actually very easy people to get along with. They have a wide range of interests and love to try new things, and even something as simple as a trip to the Laundromat can seem like a big adventure to Sevens.

Type 8: Seek strength. The driving force behind Eights is a thirst for power and influence, they have an unbridled lifestyle, and they enjoy the risks in life. Because of this, they take a far-reaching way of doing things. Eights radiate energy that some call "leadership." Eights are actionists who value results and speak up.

Type 9: Seek harmony. The driving force behind Nines is the desire for harmony, the ability to see direct connections in all aspects of life. Nines feel a permanent inner peace and bring this peace and tranquillity into their dealings with the world. Their gift lies in making others feel at ease and creating a comfortable and pleasant environment.

Many described a sense of relief when they discovered their personality type. Most of us feel a sense of certainty when we finally know why we keep falling into the same hole. Through the Enneagram, we not only know that character flaws are not our fault, but we also gain some insight into our greatest possibilities and talents. Instead of berating ourselves for our shortcomings, we begin to appreciate the power of our true selves. We start to love ourselves for who we really are.

Recognize bad habits

Developing inner observation skills is a delicate matter, because our habits are directly manifested and cannot be noticed. From morning coffee to sleep, all of us are the product of our own habits every day. Our habits look from the outside as what we do every day in our lives; from the inside, they are dictated by our character.

Self-awareness dominates general self-knowledge, which is determined by personality type and personal life experiences. Self-knowledge is mostly unconscious, and when we just react instinctively without developing conscious thinking about the world around us, it can be difficult to make the right decisions to support our lives.

When you start to pay attention to these daily habits, to pay attention to what you are not doing subconsciously, you will hear the inner dialogue in your mind. Because of your habits, this conversation may have popped up everywhere in your life without you noticing it.

The words that pop into your head might be, "That's the way it is." You listen without judgment, without questioning. While your inner dialogue is unique, here is a list of common themes that each personality type has in unconscious dialogue.

Type 1: These people are highly self-critical, and their inner dialogue sounds a lot like what a parent would say. There's a strong sense of responsibility in it, and a lot of what they "have to" do in order to be a good person. The behavioural drive of Type Ones is largely driven by self-critical, responsible conversations.

Type 2: This type of person's internal dialogue often refers to people related to them. Twos' focus is on "others," focusing on their needs and how they can help. This makes them always take action, offer help, and hope that true love will come because of their efforts.

Type 3: These people are often unconsciously looking for ways to be the best they can be, no matter what they are doing. They listen to their families and take their advice—the advice that makes them successful. This allows Threes to get out and achieve in ways they find worthwhile.

Type 4: Immediately after taking an action or having an intimate conversation, Fours confirm their thoughts and think about what they would do out of feeling. This type of person's self-awareness is influenced by how they feel in the moment, and then they react based on their current self-perception—often negative comparisons or over-idealization.

Type 5: The inner dialogue of Fives is always looking for ways to learn more about a topic or situation, and always wanting to learn more. By digging deeper into knowledge, Fives hope to know enough to act confidently in the world.

Type 6: The inner workings of the Six is like a pendulum: swinging anxiously from side to side, always looking for the true source of safety, security, and guidance. Their anxiety-generated inner activity keeps them looking for a stable, safe place outside of themselves.

Type 7: Sevens are usually very positive in their self-talk, constantly finding fun and exhilarating excitement. Such people generally turn their minds quickly and seek satisfactory answers from all possibilities. They are not confined to small circles and are always looking for ways to find happiness.

Type 8: Eights have a habit of getting louder and louder in their inner dialogue, wanting every thought to sound bolder, tougher, and more confident. They make their inner dialogue confident and arrogant as a way to drown out the voices of sensitivity and doubt and assuage the fear that they are not strong enough.

Type 9: The Nines' internal dialogue is relatively positive ("I can do it, you can do it"), but also vaguely succumb to convention. They imagine good places in their current lives. This kind of conversation keeps them in a bubble of internal comfort, so they don't take big risks.

The first step to changing your inner self is to become aware of them. Aware of this, you can make a conscious effort to engage in some different self-talk to slowly change your internalized thoughts. This kind of change takes time, after all, you've lived your life the way you are for years. Studies have shown that changing any one habit can take months.

Enneagram also refers to nine personalities, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, so we can't say what the best ones are. Many people may think that the perfect personality is the best personality, but in fact the perfect personality refers to the desire of such people to pursue perfection. In other words, the perfect personality has the tendency to perfectionism.

Every personality type has both advantages and disadvantages, so we can find their own advantages in each personality.

The direction of integration (Growth)

1 → 7 → 5 → 8 → 2 → 4 → 1

The direction of disintegration (Stress)

3 → 6 → 9 → 3

The forward direction is the direction of personality sublimation, and the reverse direction is the direction of personality deterioration. For example, when a No. 2 is mentally healthy, the mental health characteristics of No. 4 will appear at the same time; if a No. 2 is mentally unhealthy, the mentally unhealthy characteristics of No. 8 will appear, and so on. The same is true in Article 2.

The integration direction of personality sublimation and the improvement performance of quality acquisition:

1 → 7: Let go of restraint, be tolerant and optimistic, dare to try, and get "cheerful";

7 → 5: Reduce impulsiveness, act calmly, think deeply, and gain "reason";

5 → 8: Be strong and courageous, be decisive and confident, do what you say, and gain "authority";

8 → 2: Warm and friendly, helpful, open-minded, and "innocent";

2 → 4: Persevere in your wishes, enjoy yourself, love others and yourself, and gain "humility";

4 → 1: Keeping one's own footing, distinguishing between right and wrong, objective and calm, and obtaining "balance";

3 → 6: Be responsible and careful, think twice, be loyal, and gain "loyalty";

6 → 9: Go with the flow, let go of anxiety, convince others, and gain "trust";

9 → 3: Clear goals, diligent and positive, self-challenge, and gain "decisiveness".

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The key to improving efficiency is not "time management", but ?

Manage energy, not time. 

People have a hard time managing their time, so the easiest way to be more productive is to learn to manage your energy and use all means to focus your energy on the most important tasks you want to accomplish.

When it comes to life-changing types of productivity, it's even more important to focus on your energy.

Think about ordinary people in today's society, what words would you use to describe them? Exhausted.

Why do we all seem so tired, busy, stressed, empty, and the same? Because we don't properly control our energy. We don’t pay much attention to how we organize our lives, how we treat our bodies, and how we interact with others in order to be more energetic.

Don't understand what I mean? Hear me explain

Why Your Efficiency Can't Be Improved

You probably have some kind of distant goal for your life, you want to start a business, you want to be a writer, you want to be an artist, you want to switch careers,etc.

It's not that you don't have the skills to succeed, you have it; it's not that you don't have the drive to move forward, you have it; it's not that the goal you want to achieve is inherently difficult, no. It's just time consuming.

I use the word "time consuming" because it expresses what happens when you take time to do something. It consumes energy. The less energy you have, the harder it will be to achieve a big goal.

When you commute an hour to work, then work eight hours while also taking care of your family (if you have one), making time with friends, and running errands, it's not surprising that you're not very motivated. With so many things to do every day, how can you still have the passion to pursue the goal above it all?

If you want to properly manage your energy, then you need to understand this:

Not all tasks are created equal.

People burn out because they fall down on the altar of efficiency and want to get everything done. Instead, you should focus your energy on the most important things in your life, put everything else second, and be willing to give up some things halfway through.

How did I manage my energy when I started my blog?

I usually write in the morning, not because I want to develop a morning habit. Who wants to get up early? I write in the morning because I know how my energy works. My day job requires both deep work, creative thinking and mundane administrative tasks.

I know I have to focus on deep work for the first 3-5 hours of the day because my "engine" stops running after that. So I spend 1-2 hours writing in the morning, then focus 2-3 hours on work, and then go to lunch.

I usually don't eat greasy food at noon. I don't look down on people who do this, just because these foods make me feel lazy and useless in the afternoon.

The afternoons are spent dealing with chores and then either going home or going to the gym, which I work out about 3 times a week. During the few days I was working out, I skipped home and went straight to the gym because I knew going home would create negative inertia. I'm pretty tired almost every time I go to the gym, but I'm going to work out anyway and I'm refreshed when it's over.

This gives me energy to spend with my family next, and the days off give me time to recover.

See what's going on here? Habits are not special in themselves, what matters is how you use them to direct your energy to a task or a goal.

Think about the things in your life where you spend unnecessary energy? How can you adjust to bring your life closer to the state you want? Let's take a look at some suggestions that might help.

Remove resistance in your life

Do you ever feel like you're very active, but actually don't do much?

This is irritating. You feel exhausted and don't know why. You feel this way because you let chores, annoyances, and other frivolous folly drain your energy.

Some of the countermeasures I took were:

• Set all your bills to pay automatically so you don't have to waste time paying them yourself

• I do chores in batches. I'd rather spend the whole day working on a whole batch than having to deal with a little chore every day.

• I learned to delegate more things.

• I have almost no interruptions for the first four hours of the day. No hanging out. No social media.

In your case, you want to think about what you've done, but you don't really need to, because there are so many. Once you realize that productivity is about the real results you create, not just staying active, you'll understand how much energy you're wasting and will learn to say "no" more.

The more you say no, the more energy you put into the task.

Pay attention to your diet

Changing my eating habits has had a huge impact on my efficiency.

Many people start the morning with a cup of coffee, cream, candy, or a carb-heavy snack like a donut. madness. Coffee itself is kosher, but eating a bunch of sugar can send your body's glucose levels surging.

Likewise, from a judgmental standpoint I can care less about your habits. What we're talking about here is usefulness.

There is a strong link between physical health and work productivity. You get that, but do we actually take it to heart or just talk about it?

I slept 8-10 hours a day and started intermittent fasting because I found my brain was clearer when I wasn't full. Now I eat between 1pm and 7pm and do yoga every day. I don't "diet" but eat a lot of protein and vegetables.

It's all about managing my energy. Of course, I want to look good and live longer, but honestly, I just do it to achieve my goals.

This is a great way to think about habits. You want to connect them to a higher purpose—a real desire that means a lot to you. A lot of people read productivity-enhancing articles and then become indifferent to the information they receive because there is no real reason for them to stick with it.

Take care of yourself so you can serve others while completing your own tasks.

Filter the surrounding information

Pay less attention to news and current affairs. After applying this seemingly simple trick, my energy skyrocketed. Some big things still affect me. It wasn't until I stopped following the media that I realized how negative the media was.

Sharing useless articles won't help you change the world, it's counterproductive. Stay away from that nonsense. This also applies to the people around you, negative people sucking your energy, sad and depressed people infecting you. Whether or not you can avoid it is up to you. I'm sure some of the people you care about are taking your life. Will you risk drowning trying to save them?

The world is full of nonsense. So I often immerse myself in an old novel, spending time with just a few like-minded people.

If you spend too much time in the virtual world, it drains your energy and erodes your soul. When looking at the way society works in terms of draining energy, opting out of it all makes sense.

You don't get more energy as you age. Not that you can't chase your dreams when you're old, but it's a lot harder then, so people have midlife crises. Not because they don't have time, but because they don't have the energy.

I'm 30 years old and I'm going to give it my all for the next thirty years because I only have so long. And time flies faster than I thought.

Let's start now.

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The five most influential things about your future

The five most influential things about your future

 What you worry about right now may not matter at all.

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and talk to your "self" back then? Have you ever wished to live again with all the memories and knowledge you have now?

People always get caught up in this mental cycle - remembering the past, thinking about the future. But how much do these memories and reflections actually benefit us?

You spend a lot of time reflecting on the past, but have you ever wondered what you can learn from your future self? Let’s make some guesses about what your “future you” expects from your “present you” so you can make better decisions in the moment.

We can start with the following ideas.

The things you worry about now aren't that scary in the long run

Whether it's the little troubles you face in your life, or those big setbacks and obstacles, it's the same, eventually they will pass, and you don't need to worry too much. Your gut knows this, but it's really hard to stay calm when you're deep in it.

I look back on all the stressful and worrying moments in my life, and the things that bothered me at the time are now largely unrecognizable.

People always recover from difficulties and blows. In the long run, I like to pamper myself with this quote from Marcus Aurelius: "If you had to do it, you would fight it with the same weapons of reason that are helping you fight the present today."

For the short term, I like this quote: "If it doesn't matter in the next 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes being angry about it."

I use these two sentences to remind myself that all the anxieties and worries I feel in the present moment are insignificant in the long run. This doesn't completely solve my problem, but it definitely helps.

You don't know what your potential is

In fact, people adapt very quickly to growth. I'm totally used to the life I have now, a life I couldn't have imagined a few years ago. I've had a very big transformation in the past few years, but I'm sure that the "me of the future" will still shock and surprise the "me of the present".

If you work hard enough long enough, you'll have a fast breakout period. When your action effort accumulates to a certain level, the growth will be multiplied. It feels like interest growth (compounding) on ​​an investment account.

In the beginning, the effort you put in is like putting in a tiny amount of money in early financing with little sign of growth. The changes are so small that sometimes people wonder why they are doing it.

Why bother trying to grow your business when you barely have any customers? Why try to start writing when you don't have a fan? What's the point of striving for a dream when you don't have any proof that it will work?

You start doing something because you have nothing better to do. So why not do it? You don't even have to worry about hitting the ceiling over time. Sincerely, good luck will come naturally.

You don't have to think about your whole life purpose right now

Psychologist Daniel Gilbert has a great book called Stumbling on Happiness.

There is a passage in the book: "We treat our future selves as we treat our children, spending a lot of time for them in the hope that they have a good future ... but often it backfires."

You work hard to make your future self happy. The problem is, you can only use your current perceptions to make decisions for your future self. In the future, you may have completely different tastes, beliefs, and interests than you do now.

You can never be sure if you've found the perfect life purpose, but that doesn't matter. Your goals aren't set in stone, and they don't need to be perfect. Goals can change as you develop.

But you can't determine your purpose in life through fantasies behind closed doors. You need to do more before the end result is clear. When you stop playing a passive role in your life, goals naturally emerge.

I'm going to spend more time traveling, don't be too tight, relax and enjoy life. I realized that I didn't need and no longer wanted to be as rich as I once hoped. I'm trying to be content and not just trying to climb up.

You have to learn to live in the moment

Life is never ending and has no end.

I thought trying to follow my dreams would give me that feeling and get me to a successful end. But once I get what I want, soon my emptiness will be filled. I would be happy, but fleeting.

I don't mean to say that chasing dreams is a waste of time. It's about the fact that we live in the moment, and no matter what you do, you can't avoid that fact.

We are all desperate for a better future that ends up being just another present. So what's the point of living if we don't enjoy the moment at all?

Even now, I try to remind myself of that. I do have more goals, more milestones, more new projects, but simply pursuing these successes will not solve the ultimate problem, never will. So I try to focus on the process of doing things, focus on the present, even if I keep thinking about the future in my head.

Stop begging for it. Life has no finish line. Some are only now. Stop chasing. Start embracing what is happening now. There will never be such a magical end point where you can completely stop and rest, lie down in your past glory and do nothing, learning to enjoy the moment is what matters.

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