This Life, Rely on Yourself

There's a saying: "Relying on mountains will make them collapse, relying on people will make you old. In the end, you realize you only relied on yourself." Throughout life, it’s only by depending on oneself that one can live with dignity and shine brightly.

This Life, Don't Rely on Parents

Life is not all smooth sailing. Only by relying on oneself can one change their fate. There's a deeply moving story from the late 1980s. A man with hearing impairments married a woman who was not eloquent and slightly clumsy. The entire village watched, curious to see what kind of child they would have.

This couple had a daughter who grew up to be the prettiest girl in the village. She was called Jane. Since childhood, she frequently heard people say, "Such a smart and beautiful child but with parents like that, she is so pitiable." However, Jane was always stubborn; she didn't believe she was the "pitiable" person the village spoke of.

After graduating from elementary school, she chose to drop out and joined the village's performance troupe as an apprentice. She put her heart and soul into her work, believing that only by relying on herself and acquiring enough skills could she change her fate. She didn't just learn to sing and play instruments; she also read many books in her spare time.

Four to five years passed, and she became a highly respected figure in the troupe. Her outstanding appearance and profound knowledge made her performances widely popular. Gradually, more people started inviting her to perform.

Some say, "Life is like walking on thin ice; just as you catch a breath, a new challenge arises." Just as Jane’s life was gradually improving, her mother was diagnosed with colon cancer. Frequent hospital stays and chemotherapy quickly depleted their resources.

To earn more money, Jane worked even harder. However, the sudden arrival of the 2020 pandemic completely disrupted her livelihood, leading her to lose her income entirely.

Her mother's illness worried her deeply, and the lack of financial resources made her even more anxious. There's a saying: "If you are heading for debauchery, not even a deity can save you; if you are growing, even a dire situation can bring a new beginning."

Facing the inability to perform live shows, she decided to live stream singing online. Friends suggested she glam up to attract more male fans, but Jane firmly believed that the most touching aspect is humanity. She was in a modest rural setting, a simple and beautiful girl, with ordinary parents but a curious innocence in their eyes. This stark contrast drew over 20,000 fans on her first night of streaming. These fans were mostly dreamers living far from their hometowns.

Through her live streaming, these fans felt familiar scenes and moving songs, soothing their homesickness. Jane rediscovered her life's value and earned a considerable income through live streaming, improving her family's financial situation.

Now, when the villagers see her parents, they say, "You're blessed to have such an accomplished daughter." When this happens, her parents point to the picture of their daughter on the phone screen and give a thumbs-up.

"Destiny ultimately cannot defeat us. When you're feeling low, just look around, and see what it can stir up. Over time, you'll realize that it's ultimately like a child, or rather, it is a child, our own child. Our destiny is shaped by our own hands. In the end, we are the creators of our own destiny."

Perhaps in childhood, you can rely on parents, but as time passes, life changes unpredictably. Parents cannot always be with us, nor can they always shield us from life's challenges. Some say, "Having parental support is a straight road, lacking it is a winding road."

On this winding road, only those who endure it alone will realize that life is about constantly refining, repairing, and shaping oneself, meeting a brand new and better version every time.

This Life, Don't Rely on Marriage

My close friend got married right after graduating from college and soon became pregnant. At that time, her husband's business was doing well, so she chose to resign and become a full-time housewife. People often say that being a homemaker is one of the most perilous occupations, and she fell victim to it.

One of the things that distressed my friend most during her time as a full-time homemaker was the frequent words from her husband: "You want money again?" He couldn't understand her efforts and only complained that she didn't do anything but spent too much money. She felt extremely oppressed in this passive role.

Therefore, my friend decided to do something to break free from this situation. At the time, the trend of purchasing agents was rising, and she began a purchasing business in partnership with a male classmate. However, this almost destroyed her marriage. Her husband suspected her of having an inappropriate relationship with her classmate and physically abused her because of it. Frustrated, my friend went back to her parents' home.

Upon her friend's referral, she became a substitute teacher in a school. Concerned about her teaching abilities, she diligently prepared and refined her teaching materials. She rehearsed in front of experienced teachers until she felt adequately prepared to start teaching. She prepared for every class with such meticulousness.

Midway through the semester, her class unexpectedly achieved the first position in the entire grade, surprising everyone, including herself.

During that time, she deeply realized that hard work doesn’t go in vain. Her effort gave her confidence and direction in life. Following this, she moved to work for a training institution, and many students who had attended her classes before eagerly signed up for her courses. Her husband, seeing her transformation, was equally shocked and started regretting his past reckless behaviour. He hoped she would forgive him and resume being a homemaker. However, my friend's stance was resolute: she could return home, but her career would not be abandoned. Her effort gave her a sense of accomplishment and happiness.

Gradually, her reputation grew, allowing her to break away from her previous institution and establish her own training centre. Even with increasing students and hiring more teachers, she personally took on the teaching responsibilities. Not only did she no longer ask her husband for money, but she also covered the household expenses during her husband's business downturns.

"The road has to be walked step by step; suffering has to be endured mouthful by mouthful. Pulling sinew and skin is the only way to transform and grow, besides this, there are no shortcuts." Marriage has never been a sanctuary for anyone, and sometimes, it's the beginning of nightmares for some. A person must rely on themselves. Instead of seeking warmth from another's shoulder, it's better to soar against the wind and be self-reliant. Only one's bank balance and individual abilities are the greatest assurance in navigating the world. As long as we have our protective umbrella, regardless of stormy or sunny times, we can move forward courageously.

In This Life, Don't Rely on Children

It's best not to expect too much from others because everyone has their own difficulties. Let me tell you about my neighbour, Aunt Gong's experience.

Aunt Gong has an only son who lives abroad. Eight years ago, her husband passed away due to a stroke, leaving her living alone. Her son, feeling pity for his mother, brought Aunt Gong over to live with him abroad.

However, things took an unexpected turn. Aunt Gong and her daughter-in-law didn't get along. In less than two months of living abroad, they had several arguments. Seeing the dilemma her son was in, Aunt Gong firmly chose to return home alone.

Upon her return, Aunt Gong's hair turned almost completely white. Initially, she didn't pay much attention to it. But every time someone saw her, they'd ask in astonishment, "What happened? Why did your hair turn white?" Each time she heard such questions, it caused her heartache and tears.

Hence, she decided to visit a hair salon and dye her hair black. People who saw her afterwards commented, "Wow! You look so much younger." Aunt Gong smiled and said, "My old partner left, but I am still alive. Since I'm alive, I should live well."

Looking in the mirror, she found she indeed didn't look as old, and she felt much better emotionally. Aunt Gong said, "When you're old, you can't rely on your son; he has his own family, and I must rely on myself."

After changing her mindset, Aunt Gong started exercising in the mornings, rested after lunch, played cards or danced with the old ladies in the neighborhood in the afternoons. When her health allowed, Aunt Gong frequently traveled and even found a new partner, beginning a late-life romance. She moved into her new partner's house and rented out her own.

She said, "Raising children may not prevent aging; instead of relying on children, it's better to rely on oneself."

As one grows older, they need three things: a healthy mindset, a robust body, and sufficient savings. Only with these can one avoid what the ancients said: "Life is short, and in the blink of an eye, old age arrives." In old age, facing many troubles, one can only slowly swallow them on their own.

"Others are not obligated to help you." When you fall, there may not always be someone to help you up; when you're short of money, there might not be someone to give you charity; when you feel aggrieved, there might not be someone to care. In times when no one assists, one must stand on their own; in times of poverty, one can only rely on their efforts; when there's no help, one must solve problems on their own. Self-reliance surpasses dependence on others; it's better to rely on oneself.

Between people, it's impossible to fully comprehend each other's sorrows and joys or truly experience the other's feelings. Even if others are good, in the end, you still need to rely on yourself to find true happiness. When facing the brutality of society, financial pressures, life's setbacks, the shattering of love, and the complexities of human nature, you gradually understand: you must be your own shelter, no longer needing to evade storms.

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Embracing the Essence of Human Nature

Most of the troubles in our lives actually originate from interpersonal relationships. Sometimes, a few words can make people feel warm, but sometimes a single expression can strike fear in them. There's a saying: "The human heart is unfathomable, human nature is ever-changing."

We absolutely should not overly trust specific individuals.

Not Many People Sincerely Want You to Succeed

Both kindness and darkness coexist in people; they often can't stand others doing better than themselves. People around you becoming successful is often more easily envied than those achieving distant glory. A proverb goes: "Aside from parents and a few close friends, there are very few people who genuinely feel happy because of your success. More people ask about your affairs just to confirm you're doing worse than them." Though brutal, this is a facet of human nature.

So, when you find yourself in trouble, do not expect support from others. There are many people to accompany you in joy, but very few willing to share your hardships. When you succeed, refrain from boasting to those around you. There are very few who genuinely rejoice in your success, while those who are envious are many.

Your life is your own, and it doesn't concern others. Experience pain, relish happiness without revealing the intricacies of life to others. Learn to be modest, composed, control your edges, and even in ordinary days, you'll shine.

Others Only See the Results; You Have to Go Through the Process Alone

Some say, "Every person has a fire in their heart, but those passing by only see the smoke." This phrase is deeply resonant. In the adult world, someone understanding you is fortunate, but relying on your own strength is the greatest support.

You hope others understand your struggles, but who isn't going through their own difficulties? You expect someone to traverse hardships with you, but who isn't carrying their own burdens?

Do not blame others for not understanding your plight, nor complain about the cruelty of reality or the indifference of human feelings. Because life is like this; others only see the outcome, while you face the process alone.

So, when you encounter a low point, don't disturb anyone, and never get upset because of being ignored. Don't feel disheartened due to being cold-shouldered; quietly work hard and put in the effort.

The less care you receive from others, the more self-respect and self-love you should exhibit. The more you lack companions, the more courageously you must move forward. Learning to grow within yourself is the way to flourish outwardly. Don't struggle with present emotions because your goal is to stand out based on your abilities one day.

Allow Yourself to Be You, Allow Others to Be Themselves

There's a popular question online: "How to deal with being around certain people whom you don't like but have to be with every day?"

A highly praised answer is: "Allow yourself to be yourself, while also allowing others to be themselves."

Interpersonal relationships are an unavoidable issue, and if you cannot accept it internally, it will bring suffering. Just as you need to allow that some people may not like you, you must also permit the existence of people around you whom you don't like. You must allow your thoughts to not be accepted and also permit others to adhere to their views. Don't force others to change, and don't compel yourself to assimilate.

In the world of adults, there is only filtering, not teaching; there's only choice, not change. Endurance will harm you, blaming will hurt the other person, only allowing will set you free. Ignore those you dislike, cherish those you like. Stick to what you love, allow what you don't, respect what you don't understand, and do what you should do. Don't harbor resentment, don't let things affect your inner self. Respect differences, self-reflect, and find inner joy.

Offer a Helping Hand, but Don't Strain to Assist

"People should do some voluntary work, but there's no need to go to excessive lengths to help others."

If it's within your capabilities, lend a hand, but if it goes beyond your abilities, you shouldn’t strain yourself.

If you put in a lot of effort to complete a task, and others consider it to be simple, not only showing no gratitude but also expecting more help from you; if you agree to help but can't manage, it not only disrupts the matter but also affects relationships, making you feel aggrieved and causing a negative impression.

So, when facing requests from others, don't take on things beyond your capability. Doing your best is an attitude, and acting according to your capacity is a wise decision.

Help to the best of your abilities when you can, and learn to refuse when it's beyond your capacity.

Don't overly worry about damaging relationships by declining; true friends will understand your predicament and won't make you uncomfortable.

Never Judge Others Casually

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact; everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."

Never stand in your own position and casually judge others. This is the most basic form of respect between mature individuals.

If you haven’t lived through someone else's life, do not rush to express your opinion, as your comments will likely be one-sided. If you haven’t deeply understood someone else's life, don’t draw hasty conclusions, as your judgment could be incorrect.

There's a saying: "Kind words are like the warmth of winter; harsh words are like the chill of June."

Do not let the stinging words from your mouth become a blade that hurts others and ultimately harms yourself.

Understand that there are no secrets to be spoken; speaking cautiously is the wisest choice. The wiser someone is, the more they focus on themselves, while those restless and superficial individuals love to gossip about others.

Silently reflecting on one's own mistakes, refraining from easily judging others, doing things with a sincere heart, and being cautious with words is the way to live.

Don't Always Seek to Triumph in Words

"There are two kinds of people in the world: those who want to win, and those who want to win an argument."

When a person insists too much on winning verbally, it not only creates an impression of arrogance but may also appear undesirable due to emotional outbursts.

Never directly oppose others' views. Life is not an arena, and one shouldn't always seek to defeat others in verbal debates.

Understand that language is a tool for conveying emotions and solving problems, not a weapon for victory.

Many times, we seem to have the upper hand but actually suffer considerable losses. Arguing with loved ones, winning the argument but losing the relationship; arguing with unimportant individuals, winning vanity but losing dignity.

"Always aiming to win in words is the basest behaviour."

If you're right, there's no need for arguing; if you're wrong, there's no point in debating.

Learn to maintain the dignity of yourself and others in communication, provide a sense of superiority to others—this is the wisdom of dealing with people.

I strongly agree with the phrase: "The most valuable thing is not that we are all the same, but knowing that 'we are different' and still being able to respect and understand each other, communicate while maintaining our independence, without conforming, degrading, flattering, or crossing boundaries."

Interpersonal communication is like practicing, it requires wisdom. Learning to be sincere and setting boundaries, being close but not excessively so, being cautious and proper in handling affairs, and maintaining an appropriate distance in relationships are among the most important elements of sustaining all relationships.

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These 10 signs that you are getting better

These 10 signs that you are getting better

1 Gradually getting savings

If you have read The Road to Financial Freedom, you will know that the first rule of happiness is to save money.

Old people love to save money, but in our generation, somehow, they have all become "negative" people. We borrow and overdraw for the future, and then use our present efforts to pay back our past spending.

Good saving habits will give you a sense of security and also give you more initiative in the world of "buying".

If you've graduated a few years ago and still don't have any savings, be sure to take note, but don't worry, start saving now.

2 Be able to get up early and go to bed early on your own initiative

The key to this one is "initiative".

A psychiatrist friend of mine once told me that the best way to treat depression is to give the patient a sense of control first.

I asked, "What is a sense of control?

He said, "It starts with taking the initiative to go to bed early and get up early.

Actually, going to bed early and waking up early is not so great. What is great is to take the initiative to go to bed early and wake up early for ten years.

In other words, you are not woken up by work or your boss, you want to go to bed early and get up early, you want to do something with your time in the morning.

Of course, it's also pretty awesome that you have to go to bed late and get up late on your own initiative for ten years as a whole.

3 Start accepting your imperfections

Everyone, in fact, has their own flaws.

But a person will focus more on his or her strengths and strategically ignore his or her weaknesses, which has two benefits.

Firstly, one can be more confident.

Secondly, one can put better energy into one's strengths.

In fact, the older one gets, the less likely one is to accept one's imperfections, but it is when one begins to accept one's imperfections that one will move towards perfection.

In one's twenties, one has to come to terms with one's imperfections.

In one's thirties, one accepts the imperfections of one's parents.

In one's forties one has to come to terms with the imperfections of one's children.

Imperfection is also a form of beauty.

4 Take the initiative to stop having friends with negative energy

The older you get, the more likely you are to see that negative people are actually lurking around you.

Many may be friends and relatives who are usually particularly close, but remember.

As you start to make the leap, you will find that you become more and more out of step with your old surroundings, and that those people you used to be very close to are instantly distant.

But don't worry, move on. Sometimes you don't have to cut off those friends, they will cut you off.

It's not a big deal, you just need to move on, and the brave will follow you on the road.

5 Start reading and exercising regularly

Apart from the dopamine production and the desire to learn, more importantly, you start to realise that there is more to life than just the little circle you were in.

A person who lies down all day will not know the kind of joy that comes from being on a treadmill.

Similarly, those who don't love reading will never understand how the world is seen by those who have knowledge in their brain.

6 Begin express yourself regularly

So, please start expressing and outputting regularly, for example, writing articles, which, at first, may not be read by many people, but as you write better and better and more, more people will read them.

7 Eat well at every meal

What is the most basic sign that a person is being alive?

The answer is to eat well at every meal.

You can take the initiative to choose some ingredients that will ensure you have three meals a day, with less sugar, lesser carbs and more high protein and vegetables.

The body is the carrier of the soul, when the body is finished, it's too late for everything.

8 Gradually start to be grateful for the world

I have a friend who send thank you to his loved ones everyday.

People can become particularly uncaring and ungrateful, taking everything for granted.

But once said, you feel the world is full of warmth, and really, if one is even grateful for every day one is alive, the state of being will change dramatically.

What's more, it's not just the person who is grateful that will actually benefit, it will be themselves.

Some studies have shown that a grateful person has a higher sense of well-being themselves than the person being thanked.

9 Understand the meaning of solitude

Solitude is the best period of appreciation, there will be a point when you do not have the accompaniment of your large circle of friends compared to now.

At the end of the day, people are meant to be alone. But there is one characteristic of masters: they are used to being alone, they enjoy it and they find a better version of themselves in it.

If you ask me what is the meaning of solitude, I think it is a kind of dialogue with oneself.

10 Knowing how to let go and not to cling to it

The last one is the most important, because almost all suffering comes from clinging to something or someone.

And as you begin to let go of that wrong person that you love so much

Letting go of that painful experience that you cannot change

Letting go of the things you hated but couldn't let go of

Congratulations, you've come out of it.

I hope this helps.

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Do you own all six types of wealth?

 

When it comes to wealth, you probably immediately think of money. Money is indeed a type of wealth, but it is not the only form of wealth. Money is only a low-level form of wealth. If you put all your energy on pursuing this low-level form of wealth, you will lose the opportunity to win other forms of wealth.

When it comes to wealth, what do you think of? The top ten richest people in the world? Your relative in Australia has a bigger house, a nicer car, and a cottage on the hill? Or the billionaire CEO of your company? Professional athlete, musician or movie star?

Of course, all of these people are "rich" from a financial standpoint.

But money does not monopolize wealth. The definition of wealth is "a substantial amount of valuable material property or resource", but looking at this definition, money is not listed as the only valuable property or resource.

Which resources you consider valuable is as important as the abundance of the resources themselves. The key is to optimize for the right form of wealth.

Money

Money is the simplest and most obvious form of wealth because it can be quantified.

How much is your annual salary? $100,000.

How much is your house? $500,000.

How much will your child's college tuition cost? $50,000.

How much is your portfolio worth? $250,000.

Forbes magazine keeps track of the world's richest people in real time, so everyone can see how much money the super rich have.

Because monetary wealth is so easy to recognize, it becomes a point of comparison. Money is the only form of wealth that makes you look at your neighbour and say "I'm richer/poorer than him".

Money can become a knee-jerk competition. Just like any other competition, we want to beat our peers. Earn more money. Get more property. Indulge in more fun. Do whatever it takes to win the game.

But there is a point that is often overlooked. At a certain point, money can become an attractive scoreboard, but a poor measure of wealth. Money has diminishing returns.

This makes sense if you stop and think about it. When income is low, extra money can make a huge difference in the way you live. Paying rent will be easier. You will have security. You can also afford to take a vacation or two.

However, as your income continues to increase, you can buy a bigger house, better car, better meals and better clothes, but that's it, you can't do anything new. You're just paying more for a more luxurious rendition of your current lifestyle. If you can pay your bills, spend your money on experiences, and save/invest the rest, then you're doing pretty well. Everything else is icing on the cake.

There's actually a nasty paradox associated with having a lot of wealth:

Some luxuries won't make your life better, but losing them after experiencing them will definitely make your life worse.

Some people put money and wealth first, and are desperate to pursue money and wealth. The biggest problem with this approach is the opportunity cost associated with it. How many hours did it take to increase revenue from $250,000 to $500,000? What about $1 million? What about $10 million? How much do you need to earn? What other forms of wealth would you have to sacrifice to achieve that goal?

Is this really the game you want to win?

Knowledge

Knowledge, like money, is a cumulative form of wealth. However, unlike money, the "knowledge" possessed by people is difficult to compare. A polyglot, a chef, a world-class investor are all knowledgeable, but not in the same form.

Different people have different ways of acquiring knowledge. Someone learned Spanish by not being afraid to speak it, no matter how bad it was. Someone became a master chef by trying a lot of disgusting recipes. Someone became a great athlete by being a rookie for a long time, trying to make a big business, playing a thousand games of chess, exchanging stories with others... all these can help you accumulate more knowledge.

You gain knowledge for working to develop your skills and expertise, and you earn money for using those skills and expertise to help others.

But knowledge is not just a tool used to create wealth, it is wealth itself.

Gaining knowledge should not be viewed solely as a means to help you achieve other goals. Knowledge is a worthy goal in itself.

Time

If money is the most obvious form of wealth, time is its opposite. Time is an asset you can't see. Time has no such things as expensive possessions and a good salary to show off. Time is so indifferent that you hardly notice it.

If monetary wealth is best shown through luxuries, the abundance of time is best shown through nothingness.

Money and wealth are shown to the world on scoreboards, but time is measured in an hourglass that no one can see, not even you. As we earn more and more money, monetary wealth increases but time becomes scarcer. When you are the poorest financially, you are the one with the most time, but when we have the time, we rarely notice.

We realize the value of time only when it is almost running out.

In theory, the currency has unlimited upside. The world's richest man, Elon Musk, is now worth more than $200 billion. But one day, someone (maybe Musk!) could be worth $500 billion, or even $1 trillion. There is nothing you can do about this possibility.

Time is just the opposite. Our time is strictly limited, our money generally increases with age, but our time decreases with age. You can't buy more time, and you never know how much time you have left.

If wealth is measured in increments of time, young people are richer than anyone. Of course it would be great to have $100 billion. But if you're young, how many years are you willing to sacrifice for Bezos' fortune?

Or how about we turn the question around? How much do you think Bezos is willing to give to trade places with someone like me who is 25 years old and will never become a billionaire? Maybe all of them. He has pledged to invest billions of dollars in life extension technology.

We tend to be unaware of the presence of oxygen when it’s plentiful, but when it’s scarce we desperately want more, and our sense of time does the same. Once the money is spent, you can earn it again. When your time runs out, it's game over.

Opportunity cost is everything, how much is your hourglass worth?

Health

Health is the cousin of time. Like time, health is seldom thought of when one is healthy. When we are young, we tend to have a lot of health. So we eat and drink, never exercise, it's okay, you're young. We will rejuvenate quickly no matter what.

For example, in college, no matter how hard you mess with your body, you'll probably be fine.

But decisions have compound effects.

In finance, compound interest is a powerful force. Someone who invests an extra $200 a month may not see a difference in the early years, but after 30 years they could be hundreds of thousands of dollars more than someone else.

The clock keeps ticking.

But the power of compound interest is not limited to finance. In fact, its most valuable application is in health.

Inattentiveness to your health when you are young may not notice any effects early on, but as you get older, taking a laissez-faire approach to your well-being can be disastrous. What you eat starts to matter more and more. Whether or not you exercise starts to matter more and more.

As you age, your complexion darkens, your metabolism slows, and underlying health problems become more serious. At this point, the decisions you've made about your health start to snowball.

Like time, we rarely think about it when we have it. But what about when you lose it? Health will become the only thing you can think about. There is a saying that goes, "A healthy person has a thousand wishes, but a sick person has only one wish."

And that patient rarely gets his wish.

When you're broke but healthy, you have countless options. What's the point if you're rich but bedridden? What's the use of having a billion dollars if you have nothing to enjoy?

Relationship

If you lack relationships, all other forms of wealth become irrelevant. What's the use of asking for the money if there's no one to share it with you? Of course, you can go all the way to darkness on the road of single material enjoyment, but this will not bring you a sense of satisfaction.

The value of time and health depends on your ability to spend time with the people you care about. Otherwise, you're wasting your unscheduled schedule and capable body on frivolous distractions.

It's good to have a lot of knowledge, but it's best to share that knowledge with others. The only difference between a master and a hermit is whether there are students or not.

Humans are social animals, and relationships are vital to our psyche. We need people who can laugh and cry together. People were able to share their dreams, stories and fears. You can fall in love and suffer the baptism of falling out of love. Can create new memories. You can drive 1000 kilometers on a road trip together, across the east coast of the United States.

Every little thing we do comes back to relationships.

The greatest value of health is that it gives you choice.

A life rich in all other respects but devoid of relationships can be at best empty and at worst depressing. What's the point of having the world if there's no one to share it with? If it means living in one's castle, do you really want to be king of that castle?

Experience

"The purpose of life is to experience something that you will be nostalgic for later."

I generally agree with this view. Life is about a 90-year period of experience defined by various other smaller experiences. We are fortunate to live in a time when experiences are readily available, more accessible than ever.

You can travel anywhere in the world in 24 hours for less than $1,000. From learning a foreign language to learning exotic recipes, you can learn anything on the internet. For the first time ever, we can literally do anything.

If wealth is for consumption, what better way to spend your wealth of money, wealth of time, wealth of knowledge, wealth of health, wealth of relationships than doing cool things with people you care about?

At the end of the day, our experiences are all we have.

Experiences are our chances to cash in other forms of wealth for something memorable.

Some experiences cost money, but the most valuable experiences are not defined by price tags. I don't remember how much it cost to visit Tromsø, Norway. But what about seeing the Northern Lights? Priceless.

An evening spent with cold beer, loud music, a roaring fire and surrounded by friends is priceless.

Going on road trips across the American West with my best friend was priceless.

Of all the trade-offs a person can make, you will never regret exchanging financial wealth for experiential wealth. But what about missing out on experiences because you're "too busy at work"? It's hardly worth it.

As a resource, money is unlimited, but experiences, like time, are finite.

How often do you have dinner with your grandparents? What about going on a ski trip with your best friend? How many times have you had the chance to visit a new country on a whim? What about learning a new skill you've always been interested in?

Communicating with Argentines in their native language is invaluable.

Money is best used to fund the experiences you want. Go try something fun. The kind that lights a fire in your heart.

Imagine if you spent 40 years maximizing your lower forms of wealth (money) at the expense of minimizing some higher form of wealth (experiences), and waited until your twilight years to recapture the experiences you had missed, it is only in vain.

Our goal should be to have a lot of money and a rich life experience.

When you come to the end of your life, would you rather be able to fondly recall the good times you spent with the people you cared about, or would you be satisfied that you didn't "waste time and money" on these "trivial" pursuits ?

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You must have peeled an onion, right?

You must have peeled an onion, right?

 

When you peel the "onion" layer by layer, you will find that it has no core.

This is the opposite of the "avocado" personality, the "onion" personality.

As long as there is a little negative feedback from the outside world, it breaks down inside and feels bad.

There is this person, A.

A has always liked fashion. After graduation, she joined an internationally renowned clothing company and was employed in front-line sales.

When relatives and classmates knew that she had become a salesperson, they despise her because it seems degrading for a graduate student to be a salesperson, putting on shoes and trying on clothes for others!"

Some mean classmates deliberately came to the store to let her serve them, taking the opportunity to put her down.

Although her income was good, she couldn't stand the ridicule of others and chose to resign.

Then she went to a government agency and stayed in an administrative position for ten years.

And the colleagues who were "salesperson" like her at the beginning, one became a company executive and the other became a fashion blogger.

Looking at her boring life day after day, she began to regret it:

"If I didn't give up at the beginning and persisted, I don't know what will happen now?"

One is always the protagonist of his own, and he should not always play a supporting role in other people's dramas.

What others think is good may not be suitable for you; what others despise may not necessarily be wrong.

Others can only judge your life, but they will not pay for your sorrows and joys, let alone be responsible for your life. SO you are the one who can decide for yourself.

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After middle age: work hard for money , spend money sparingly, and save money steadily

 

Some time ago, there was such a topic on the Internet: "What did you understand in the past three pandemic years?"

Someone summed up the following four points:

1. You have to have a house, otherwise you won’t even have a place to stay during quarantine;

2. You have to have savings, and you can maintain your life for at least a period of time if you are unemployed;

3. Lying at home is not as comfortable as imagined, because you will be extremely anxious because you have no income;

4. The more the society develops, the more black swan events there will be. You must have the ability to fight against such uncertainties.

In fact, the conclusion is: you have to be rich.

Money can not only bring dignity and decency, but also the confidence to walk in the world.

In the second half of life, if you want to be self-sufficient in money, you must be ruthless in making money, save money in spending, and be steady in saving money.

1. Work hard for money

A relative of mine was an executive in a tech company a few years ago, and her life was prosperous.

The good times didn't last long, the industry declined, and the company where my relatives worked was on the verge of bankruptcy.

After losing her job, she couldn't find a job of the same position, and refused to lower herself, so she simply stayed at home for a few months.

During this period, a HR friend offered her an olive branch and asked her to work as an assistant to the CEO of a company.

She hesitated for several days, and finally refused.

When she thought about how old she was, she still had to serve tea and water for others, and be ordered by others, and she felt that her self-esteem couldn't stand it.

Not long after, there was an emergency in her family and a large sum of money was needed.

Looking back, I wanted to go to that HR friend for help, but there was no position suitable for her in his company. Life is like this. When you have money to make, you can't save face. If you want to make money with your head down, you have no chance.

"Self-esteem is the skin, making money is to feed the belly, which one is more important to you?"

2. Spend money sparingly

If you don't know how to control your desire to consume, then no matter how much money you earn, you can't keep up with the speed of spending it, and you will squander it sooner or later.

When you are young, you can be wilful to spend all the money you earn.

But when you enter the middle age, you have to consider the burden on you.

There are old people and young in your family, and there are mortgages and insurance premiums to be paid.

Every penny must be spent wisely, and it is even more important to habitually check the balance when going out to spend.

3. Save money

A happy life will not just fall from the sky. Only by learning to invest and save can we have the capital to support the future.

As you get older, the savings in your pocket are your reassurance and your booster.

There used to be a breakfast shop near my house, which was owned by an old couple.

Except for the Chinese New Year, I have never seen this stall rest.

Even when I catches the earliest bus and goes downstairs at five o'clock in the morning, the couple is already preparing for the day to start. Suddenly one day, the stall closed.

I learned from neighbors in the neighborhood that their daughter was admitted to a good university and found a good job after graduation.

The couple also decided to take a break and travel around the world.

I am very curious: going out to travel around the world without doing business should cost a lot of money, right?

Neighbours said that the couple had been silently saving money for so many years.

Not only they managed to help their daughter buy a house with the down payment, but also had enough money in my pocket to live a happy life in their later years.

After middle age, every sum of money you save is your happiness in your later years.

The more balance you have in your card, the easier it will be to live in the future.

A simple and practical "333 Little Rules for Saving Money" works:

Divide your monthly salary into three equal parts: living expenses, savings, and investment.

Save money in this way, no matter what, you can save at least one-third of your income every month.

Of course, the ratio can be adjusted appropriately according to the actual situation, but it is best to strictly implement it according to the plan every month.

Accumulate over a long period of time, gather less to make more, and in the end it is also a big gain.

You must believe that every penny you save is an umbrella to protect you from wind and rain in your later years, and will eventually give you the most fulfilling sense of security.

We used to think that talking about money was crude, but now we find that 99% of the sorrows in the world are related to money.

No amount of chicken soup can compare to the sense of security of a banknote.

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The most important thing in life is to discover and know yourself

The Enneagram Personality You Should Know Yourself

Have you heard of the Enneagram? Which of the 9 personalities do you belong to?

In personality psychology, the Enneagram is one of the most practical and accurate tool to understand someone. Through the awareness of personality types, you can see the laws of your own thinking patterns, emotional patterns and behaviour patterns in the shortest time. This is an ancient wisdom, knowledge about personality classification, which has a history of more than 2,500 years.

The Enneagram reveals our innermost values. Maybe you want to ask, what's the point of knowing my Enneagram?

Discover yourself

The Enneagram is a unique tool for personal growth and self-transformation because it delves into our core values. Understanding what drives our behaviour allows us to observe our deep beliefs, attitudes and choices, gain a level of insight, discover who we really are, and clarify our purpose in life.

Type 1: Pursue justice. This type of personality is driven by strong principles and is extremely good. They yearn for a moral, just and good world. Some people make concerted efforts to reduce pollution; some people are meticulous about how to fold their towels and how to arrange their condiments.

Type 2: Pursue connections. Twos aspire to connect with others through love and nurturing relationships. They care about others and are good at identifying and meeting other people's needs.

Type 3: Pursue values. Threes aspire to shine, to be role models, and to demonstrate personal worth. Threes are confident and adaptable. There are many efficient and excellent people in the whole group of Threes, including business people, athletes, celebrities, and spiritual mentors.

Type 4: Seek approval. What drives Fours forward is the desire to know themselves thoroughly. They are very longing for the inner world and are willing to go deep into their emotions. In them, you can see a sense of tenacity and creativity.

Type 5: Seek clarity. Fives seek clarity and sufficient knowledge. These people have great insight and insight, and can bring together different ideas to generate new ideas, which are often very simple and amazing.

Type 6: Seek Guidance. Seeking guidance is the driving force behind the Six. Sixes at their best have a clear direction, trust themselves, and influence and lead others. Firm and steady, they are willing allies and powerful team builders.

Type 7: Seek freedom. The driving force behind Sevens is the pursuit of freedom and possibility, and based on this, Sevens are actually very easy people to get along with. They have a wide range of interests and love to try new things, and even something as simple as a trip to the Laundromat can seem like a big adventure to Sevens.

Type 8: Seek strength. The driving force behind Eights is a thirst for power and influence, they have an unbridled lifestyle, and they enjoy the risks in life. Because of this, they take a far-reaching way of doing things. Eights radiate energy that some call "leadership." Eights are actionists who value results and speak up.

Type 9: Seek harmony. The driving force behind Nines is the desire for harmony, the ability to see direct connections in all aspects of life. Nines feel a permanent inner peace and bring this peace and tranquillity into their dealings with the world. Their gift lies in making others feel at ease and creating a comfortable and pleasant environment.

Many described a sense of relief when they discovered their personality type. Most of us feel a sense of certainty when we finally know why we keep falling into the same hole. Through the Enneagram, we not only know that character flaws are not our fault, but we also gain some insight into our greatest possibilities and talents. Instead of berating ourselves for our shortcomings, we begin to appreciate the power of our true selves. We start to love ourselves for who we really are.

Recognize bad habits

Developing inner observation skills is a delicate matter, because our habits are directly manifested and cannot be noticed. From morning coffee to sleep, all of us are the product of our own habits every day. Our habits look from the outside as what we do every day in our lives; from the inside, they are dictated by our character.

Self-awareness dominates general self-knowledge, which is determined by personality type and personal life experiences. Self-knowledge is mostly unconscious, and when we just react instinctively without developing conscious thinking about the world around us, it can be difficult to make the right decisions to support our lives.

When you start to pay attention to these daily habits, to pay attention to what you are not doing subconsciously, you will hear the inner dialogue in your mind. Because of your habits, this conversation may have popped up everywhere in your life without you noticing it.

The words that pop into your head might be, "That's the way it is." You listen without judgment, without questioning. While your inner dialogue is unique, here is a list of common themes that each personality type has in unconscious dialogue.

Type 1: These people are highly self-critical, and their inner dialogue sounds a lot like what a parent would say. There's a strong sense of responsibility in it, and a lot of what they "have to" do in order to be a good person. The behavioural drive of Type Ones is largely driven by self-critical, responsible conversations.

Type 2: This type of person's internal dialogue often refers to people related to them. Twos' focus is on "others," focusing on their needs and how they can help. This makes them always take action, offer help, and hope that true love will come because of their efforts.

Type 3: These people are often unconsciously looking for ways to be the best they can be, no matter what they are doing. They listen to their families and take their advice—the advice that makes them successful. This allows Threes to get out and achieve in ways they find worthwhile.

Type 4: Immediately after taking an action or having an intimate conversation, Fours confirm their thoughts and think about what they would do out of feeling. This type of person's self-awareness is influenced by how they feel in the moment, and then they react based on their current self-perception—often negative comparisons or over-idealization.

Type 5: The inner dialogue of Fives is always looking for ways to learn more about a topic or situation, and always wanting to learn more. By digging deeper into knowledge, Fives hope to know enough to act confidently in the world.

Type 6: The inner workings of the Six is like a pendulum: swinging anxiously from side to side, always looking for the true source of safety, security, and guidance. Their anxiety-generated inner activity keeps them looking for a stable, safe place outside of themselves.

Type 7: Sevens are usually very positive in their self-talk, constantly finding fun and exhilarating excitement. Such people generally turn their minds quickly and seek satisfactory answers from all possibilities. They are not confined to small circles and are always looking for ways to find happiness.

Type 8: Eights have a habit of getting louder and louder in their inner dialogue, wanting every thought to sound bolder, tougher, and more confident. They make their inner dialogue confident and arrogant as a way to drown out the voices of sensitivity and doubt and assuage the fear that they are not strong enough.

Type 9: The Nines' internal dialogue is relatively positive ("I can do it, you can do it"), but also vaguely succumb to convention. They imagine good places in their current lives. This kind of conversation keeps them in a bubble of internal comfort, so they don't take big risks.

The first step to changing your inner self is to become aware of them. Aware of this, you can make a conscious effort to engage in some different self-talk to slowly change your internalized thoughts. This kind of change takes time, after all, you've lived your life the way you are for years. Studies have shown that changing any one habit can take months.

Enneagram also refers to nine personalities, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, so we can't say what the best ones are. Many people may think that the perfect personality is the best personality, but in fact the perfect personality refers to the desire of such people to pursue perfection. In other words, the perfect personality has the tendency to perfectionism.

Every personality type has both advantages and disadvantages, so we can find their own advantages in each personality.

The direction of integration (Growth)

1 → 7 → 5 → 8 → 2 → 4 → 1

The direction of disintegration (Stress)

3 → 6 → 9 → 3

The forward direction is the direction of personality sublimation, and the reverse direction is the direction of personality deterioration. For example, when a No. 2 is mentally healthy, the mental health characteristics of No. 4 will appear at the same time; if a No. 2 is mentally unhealthy, the mentally unhealthy characteristics of No. 8 will appear, and so on. The same is true in Article 2.

The integration direction of personality sublimation and the improvement performance of quality acquisition:

1 → 7: Let go of restraint, be tolerant and optimistic, dare to try, and get "cheerful";

7 → 5: Reduce impulsiveness, act calmly, think deeply, and gain "reason";

5 → 8: Be strong and courageous, be decisive and confident, do what you say, and gain "authority";

8 → 2: Warm and friendly, helpful, open-minded, and "innocent";

2 → 4: Persevere in your wishes, enjoy yourself, love others and yourself, and gain "humility";

4 → 1: Keeping one's own footing, distinguishing between right and wrong, objective and calm, and obtaining "balance";

3 → 6: Be responsible and careful, think twice, be loyal, and gain "loyalty";

6 → 9: Go with the flow, let go of anxiety, convince others, and gain "trust";

9 → 3: Clear goals, diligent and positive, self-challenge, and gain "decisiveness".

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The key to improving efficiency is not "time management", but ?

Manage energy, not time. 

People have a hard time managing their time, so the easiest way to be more productive is to learn to manage your energy and use all means to focus your energy on the most important tasks you want to accomplish.

When it comes to life-changing types of productivity, it's even more important to focus on your energy.

Think about ordinary people in today's society, what words would you use to describe them? Exhausted.

Why do we all seem so tired, busy, stressed, empty, and the same? Because we don't properly control our energy. We don’t pay much attention to how we organize our lives, how we treat our bodies, and how we interact with others in order to be more energetic.

Don't understand what I mean? Hear me explain

Why Your Efficiency Can't Be Improved

You probably have some kind of distant goal for your life, you want to start a business, you want to be a writer, you want to be an artist, you want to switch careers,etc.

It's not that you don't have the skills to succeed, you have it; it's not that you don't have the drive to move forward, you have it; it's not that the goal you want to achieve is inherently difficult, no. It's just time consuming.

I use the word "time consuming" because it expresses what happens when you take time to do something. It consumes energy. The less energy you have, the harder it will be to achieve a big goal.

When you commute an hour to work, then work eight hours while also taking care of your family (if you have one), making time with friends, and running errands, it's not surprising that you're not very motivated. With so many things to do every day, how can you still have the passion to pursue the goal above it all?

If you want to properly manage your energy, then you need to understand this:

Not all tasks are created equal.

People burn out because they fall down on the altar of efficiency and want to get everything done. Instead, you should focus your energy on the most important things in your life, put everything else second, and be willing to give up some things halfway through.

How did I manage my energy when I started my blog?

I usually write in the morning, not because I want to develop a morning habit. Who wants to get up early? I write in the morning because I know how my energy works. My day job requires both deep work, creative thinking and mundane administrative tasks.

I know I have to focus on deep work for the first 3-5 hours of the day because my "engine" stops running after that. So I spend 1-2 hours writing in the morning, then focus 2-3 hours on work, and then go to lunch.

I usually don't eat greasy food at noon. I don't look down on people who do this, just because these foods make me feel lazy and useless in the afternoon.

The afternoons are spent dealing with chores and then either going home or going to the gym, which I work out about 3 times a week. During the few days I was working out, I skipped home and went straight to the gym because I knew going home would create negative inertia. I'm pretty tired almost every time I go to the gym, but I'm going to work out anyway and I'm refreshed when it's over.

This gives me energy to spend with my family next, and the days off give me time to recover.

See what's going on here? Habits are not special in themselves, what matters is how you use them to direct your energy to a task or a goal.

Think about the things in your life where you spend unnecessary energy? How can you adjust to bring your life closer to the state you want? Let's take a look at some suggestions that might help.

Remove resistance in your life

Do you ever feel like you're very active, but actually don't do much?

This is irritating. You feel exhausted and don't know why. You feel this way because you let chores, annoyances, and other frivolous folly drain your energy.

Some of the countermeasures I took were:

• Set all your bills to pay automatically so you don't have to waste time paying them yourself

• I do chores in batches. I'd rather spend the whole day working on a whole batch than having to deal with a little chore every day.

• I learned to delegate more things.

• I have almost no interruptions for the first four hours of the day. No hanging out. No social media.

In your case, you want to think about what you've done, but you don't really need to, because there are so many. Once you realize that productivity is about the real results you create, not just staying active, you'll understand how much energy you're wasting and will learn to say "no" more.

The more you say no, the more energy you put into the task.

Pay attention to your diet

Changing my eating habits has had a huge impact on my efficiency.

Many people start the morning with a cup of coffee, cream, candy, or a carb-heavy snack like a donut. madness. Coffee itself is kosher, but eating a bunch of sugar can send your body's glucose levels surging.

Likewise, from a judgmental standpoint I can care less about your habits. What we're talking about here is usefulness.

There is a strong link between physical health and work productivity. You get that, but do we actually take it to heart or just talk about it?

I slept 8-10 hours a day and started intermittent fasting because I found my brain was clearer when I wasn't full. Now I eat between 1pm and 7pm and do yoga every day. I don't "diet" but eat a lot of protein and vegetables.

It's all about managing my energy. Of course, I want to look good and live longer, but honestly, I just do it to achieve my goals.

This is a great way to think about habits. You want to connect them to a higher purpose—a real desire that means a lot to you. A lot of people read productivity-enhancing articles and then become indifferent to the information they receive because there is no real reason for them to stick with it.

Take care of yourself so you can serve others while completing your own tasks.

Filter the surrounding information

Pay less attention to news and current affairs. After applying this seemingly simple trick, my energy skyrocketed. Some big things still affect me. It wasn't until I stopped following the media that I realized how negative the media was.

Sharing useless articles won't help you change the world, it's counterproductive. Stay away from that nonsense. This also applies to the people around you, negative people sucking your energy, sad and depressed people infecting you. Whether or not you can avoid it is up to you. I'm sure some of the people you care about are taking your life. Will you risk drowning trying to save them?

The world is full of nonsense. So I often immerse myself in an old novel, spending time with just a few like-minded people.

If you spend too much time in the virtual world, it drains your energy and erodes your soul. When looking at the way society works in terms of draining energy, opting out of it all makes sense.

You don't get more energy as you age. Not that you can't chase your dreams when you're old, but it's a lot harder then, so people have midlife crises. Not because they don't have time, but because they don't have the energy.

I'm 30 years old and I'm going to give it my all for the next thirty years because I only have so long. And time flies faster than I thought.

Let's start now.

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