Recently, I came across a popular video on a certain platform. An 88-year-old ex teacher was interviewed on the roadside: "What are your thoughts on old age?" The elderly person firmly responded, "No surgery, no intubation, no resuscitation. Especially, no admission to the intensive care unit." When asked for the reason, the elderly person said, "At my age, death is inevitable. Resuscitation would not only make me suffer but also waste national resources. These resources are better used to save young people." While the elderly person's open-mindedness is admirable, can their children agree?
"I always tell them, instead of
forcibly holding onto your parents' physical bodies, think about the influence
your parents had on you. Keeping these good memories is enough." This
insightful dialogue garnered millions of likes from netizens.
"A good death is better than a life of
painful lingering" is a deeply rooted concept among countless people.
"Longevity" has always been assumed to be the best blessing for the
elderly. However, is a long life equivalent to a happy life?
More and more elderly people are
beginning to offer "unconventional" answers. I once read a story
about a senior who suffered a sudden stroke and was rushed to the hospital.
After doctors made every effort to save his life, they managed to bring him
back from the brink. However, for the rest of his life, he needed
round-the-clock care from medical staff to continue living. In other words, he
became a "living dead" person.
Yet, his daughter insisted on not giving
up her father's life. As a result, the elderly man spent four years in the ICU
before multiple organ failure led to his demise. While the daughter's filial
piety is commendable, doctors have a different view: "Although we extended
his life, we did not improve his quality of life." "Family members
can visit for only one hour a day. What his daughter sees is that he seems
happy during that one hour. So, she thinks he's happy every day. But what we
see is the patient suffering for the remaining 23 hours."
The daughter of the elderly man was once
asked, "Have you ever thought that perhaps your father would prefer to
pass away more peacefully?" She replied, "I dare not think about it,
nor do I want to. At least for now, I can afford to give him the best
treatment, which makes me feel better." Of course, as children, it's very
difficult for us to actively give up our parents' lives! As long as we can
still save them, we want to keep our parents with us for another day.
But if we look at it from a different
perspective, if the elderly person can express their wishes, would they praise
their children's filial piety, or would they criticize their children for
making them suffer? The elderly person may not bear to make such a choice, but
I believe everyone has their own answer in their hearts. Regardless of whether
we are willing to admit it, longevity is premised on "health."
Otherwise, it's "living in suffering."
In this regard, elderly people often see
more clearly than young people. "Many elderly people have been eating
medication for a long time, ruining their bodies." Therefore, more and
more elderly people are adopting the retirement philosophy of "treating
minor illnesses, accepting major illnesses, and not pursuing excessive medical
treatment." "The sooner you go, the better. Don't burden your
children and end up with nothing."
"Living longer" is becoming easier, but
"living well" is becoming more difficult.
Despite advances in medical conditions
and improvements in living standards, why are so many elderly people less
inclined to "live" now? It's because while society has progressed,
elderly care has become more challenging. Foremost among them is the fact that
"raising children is no longer a guarantee against old age."
It's not that children don't want to be
filial, but they are truly powerless. I once saw a video online. A senior was bedridden for 16 years, and it was his daughter in her fifties who took
care of him. Every day, she had to lift him in and out of bed, clean up his
waste, bathe him, feed him, give him medicine, and take him for walks... Every
day, for 16 years.
This is indeed a perfect example of
"raising children to prevent old age."
But what about the other side of the
story?
The senior had a pension that could
cover most of his living expenses; the daughter retired early, giving up her
personal life entirely to care for her father; the son-in-law took on most of
the work of earning money and raising children; the daughter's family had no financial
pressure from mortgages or car loans; there were other relatives in the family
who could occasionally share the responsibility of caregiving.
Behind this "perfect" filial
piety are the aggregation of numerous conditions and countless sacrifices. It's
difficult to replicate in every family. We always remember "raising
children to prevent old age" as a tradition, but forget that "it was
a product of a specific era." In the past, medical conditions were poor,
and parents generally did not live long.
There were fewer elderly people
suffering from dementia or hemiplegia, and caring for them was not as difficult
as it is now. Plus, at that time, every family's finances were similar, there
were more children, and many women didn't work. "There was not much
financial pressure" making it less
difficult to support elderly parents.
But what about now?
For couples with children, life becomes unsustainable
if one doesn't go out to earn money. Although the elderly are living longer,
they are also plagued by various illnesses, requiring long-term care. Parents,
children, work, mortgages, car loans—all these are mountains pressing down on
middle-aged people.
This forces children to make sacrifices.
Although everyone makes different choices, under the harsh reality, there are
always parents who "can't rely on" their children. So, if not relying
on children, what about relying on society? Currently, our society's elderly
care mainly consists of "home-based care" or "nursing homes."
Elderly people who can take care of
themselves mostly choose to stay at home, which is free and saves money. As for
the elderly people who are sent to nursing homes, they generally have various
illnesses, and they lose some of their ability to care for themselves.
"Not making mistakes" is the
caregivers' top priority. "Making the elderly happy" can only be an
added bonus. Therefore, the "hardship" in nursing homes does not come
from the news about elderly abuse but rather because: under limited manpower
conditions, only basic care and some emotional support can be provided to the
elderly.
Ensuring that the elderly "stay
alive" rather than "live well." As you can see, although medical
advances unilaterally extend the lives of the elderly, how they can live well
remains a "dilemma." After retirement, some elderly people learn
swimming, painting, calligraphy, or singing. Even if their children are not
around, their lives are fulfilling and happy.
Happy people are always similar. Many
elderly people who have a good late life understand one thing: "Elderly
care depends on oneself." Life can never be perfect at any age.
We can always find a lifestyle that
suits us better among them. Prepare three savings:
I once saw a sentence online that
inspired me: "Elderly care is actually choosing a way to grow old
gracefully. There is no limit to the method, and there is no standard answer.
But the most important thing is: always
remember to put yourself first."
To spend your old age more comfortably,
I suggest everyone include "retirement planning" in their life plan.
Starting from now, prepare the following "three savings":
1.Financial savings
The reason why money is important is
that it gives the elderly "choices": they can buy what they want to
eat, go wherever they want; if their children are not filial, they can hire
caregivers to live alone without worrying about their children's faces; and in
case of illness, having money in their pockets will ease their minds. When it
comes to elderly care, money is definitely more reliable than children.
Many elderly people have been frugal all
their lives, just to subsidize their children.
But really don't do this.
You can occasionally help your children
in emergencies, but never make it an entitlement. Leave the money to yourself,
and let your children take responsibility for their own lives. Taking care of
ourselves with money is the greatest help we can give our children.
2.Psychological value savings
Many elderly people have a smooth
material life in their old age, but they always feel bitter inside because they
base their happiness on "their children's companionship." Why not
change your perspective? Treat your old age as your "second life."
Make your own "bucket list,"
try things you like, and learn to make yourself happy. We've worked hard all
our lives, and it's only in our old age that we finally have the "money
and leisure." We must make the most of it.
3.Health savings
Undoubtedly, "health" is the
most important condition for elderly care. But it's placed last because it's
also the most uncontrollable and powerless part for the elderly. No one can
stop the aging and deterioration of the body.
So, while your body is still healthy,
eat clean food, exercise regularly, and take care of your physical and mental
health. Once illness strikes, learn to accept the decline of life naturally.
"Treat minor illnesses, accept major illnesses, and avoid excessive
medical treatment," allowing life to end gracefully and gently.
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