When someone doesn't contact you, never do these 6 things:

The concept of "relationship disconnection" highlights the inevitable and often painful reality that, over time, people may grow apart. These disconnections can arise due to a variety of reasons such as distance, changing life circumstances, or differing values. In adult life, it is common for relationships—whether romantic, familial, or friendships—to go through periods of transition. Even the closest of relationships may face challenges that result in distance or separation.

This idea is beautifully articulated in Spirited Away, where the narrative compares life to a train ride: people get on and off along the way, and it’s rare to have someone journey with you from start to finish. Relationships, like train rides, have a beginning, middle, and sometimes an end. Letting go, though difficult, is often the most respectful thing you can do for both yourself and the other person, allowing space for each to grow in their own direction.

The article goes on to provide six things you should avoid doing when someone stops contacting you, highlighting key emotional responses and behaviors that could further harm your mental state and the situation.

1. Self-Doubt and Negative Thinking

When a relationship fades, it can be tempting to question your worth. "Am I unlikable? Did I say the wrong thing? Am I too needy or not good enough?" These thoughts are natural, but they stem from a lack of self-assurance. The truth is that many relationships end due to life circumstances, such as growing apart, differing goals, or new opportunities—not because you were inadequate. This self-doubt can be particularly harmful if you're already struggling with your self-esteem, and it can trap you in a cycle of negative thinking that makes it harder to move on. Recognizing that relationships evolve naturally can help you stop internalizing blame and start focusing on your own growth.

2. Clinging to the Past

It’s easy to romanticize the past, to replay memories of good times and wonder what went wrong. However, dwelling on what’s gone and what you can’t change will only drain your energy and prevent you from living in the present. The past is over, and no amount of regret can change that. As the article notes, memories are a road with no end. Living in the past can exhaust your emotional resources and leave you feeling stuck. Instead, focusing on moving forward and cultivating your own happiness and growth can help you heal and find new paths in life. Letting go of the past means freeing yourself to build a future that is your own, unburdened by what once was.

3. Desperation and Forcing a Connection

After a relationship ends, you may feel desperate to reconnect. You might send multiple messages or make efforts to "win the person back." However, forcing a connection rarely works. If one person is no longer invested, continued efforts will only lead to frustration and resentment. It's vital to recognize when to let go. A relationship should be mutual—if it’s one-sided, no amount of effort will revive it. Instead, investing your time and energy into your personal development is far more rewarding. The right people will naturally come into your life, and you won’t have to chase them. True connections happen organically, not through force.

4. Blaming or Lashing Out

Feeling rejected or abandoned can trigger anger and frustration. In moments of emotional intensity, it might feel cathartic to lash out at the other person or blame them for the end of the relationship. However, reacting impulsively, especially in a moment of heightened emotions, often leads to regret. Words spoken in anger can have lasting consequences and can damage your reputation or relationships further. It’s crucial to pause and reflect before you act on anger. If you want to preserve any potential future connection, approaching the situation calmly and rationally will serve you better. Sometimes, it’s best to walk away, process your emotions, and later, if necessary, have a mature conversation to find closure.

5. Complaining or Seeking Validation from Others

It’s normal to feel hurt and want to share your frustrations with others. However, constantly seeking validation from friends or family members can exacerbate the situation. Complaining about someone repeatedly to others might temporarily relieve your feelings but can also reinforce bitterness and resentment. Over time, you’ll start to notice that it makes you feel worse, not better. Excessive venting can also make you seem like a negative person, driving others away. Instead of endlessly complaining, it’s more effective to find ways to deal with your emotions privately or with a therapist. Real growth happens when you learn to process and manage your emotions independently.

6. Forcing Reconnection Out of Guilt or Fear

Sometimes, after someone distances themselves, we feel a sense of guilt or fear—guilt that we didn’t do enough, or fear of never seeing the person again. These feelings may prompt you to try to force a connection. But if the other person has decided to move on, trying to revive the relationship out of guilt is rarely productive. Instead, it's better to focus on accepting that people’s paths sometimes diverge for reasons beyond your control. Trying to reconnect when it’s not mutual only prolongs the pain and confusion for both people. It’s healthier to let go with grace and allow both parties to heal and move on naturally.

The Importance of Self-Growth and Moving On

Rather than focusing on the emotional pain of disconnection, the article encourages readers to turn inward and focus on personal growth. The message is clear: people come and go in life, and this is part of the human experience. There is no need to feel devastated when a relationship ends, as each experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. Accepting that some people are meant to accompany you for only part of your journey allows you to keep moving forward.

Over time, as you nurture your own growth and well-being, you will attract relationships that align with your values and aspirations. True connections, like the right kind of love, don’t require constant effort or validation; they emerge naturally when both parties are aligned. If you continuously invest in yourself and your happiness, the people who appreciate and respect you will gravitate toward you.

We may encounter people who once seemed irreplaceable, but life’s constant change means that some relationships fade naturally. Rather than forcing these relationships to fit, it's better to let them go and cherish the memories. When you can peacefully say goodbye, you create the space to fully embrace the next chapter of your life with grace and confidence.

In conclusion, the overall message is that while the end of a relationship can be painful, it’s part of life’s natural ebb and flow. Rather than focusing on what is lost, focus on personal growth and the lessons learned from the experience. By doing so, you’ll be able to move on with your life, attract healthy relationships, and live authentically and confidently.

One cannot hold on to any relationship

I came across a phrase that deeply resonated with me: "In the wind, whether we meet or part is not up to us." This highlights an important truth—throughout life, relationships change naturally, and this is something we must accept.

When we are young, we often believe that friendships should last forever, and romantic partners are meant to be lifelong. We think that bonds of affection are deeper than fate, and that connections will endure. However, as we mature, we realize that relationships can be fleeting and that people inevitably come and go.

Life, by its very nature, is filled with transient moments, and relationships—whether friendships, romantic partnerships, or familial bonds—are no exception. The idea that we cannot control who stays and who leaves, and that these transitions are an inevitable part of life, touches on the deep complexity of human existence. Here, I'll expand on the concepts presented in the text, detailing the emotional and philosophical layers of these ideas.

Youthful Idealism vs. Adult Realization

When we are younger, we tend to think that the relationships we form will be permanent. As children and young adults, we often believe that friendships should last a lifetime, and romantic partners should remain forever. This belief is reinforced by the cultural narratives of "soulmates" and "forever friends," which romanticize the idea of undying connections. These ideals are often tied to a sense of security and belonging. At a young age, the relationships we form feel so integral to our sense of self that we cannot imagine life without them.

However, as we age and experience more of life’s inevitable changes, we begin to realize that relationships don't always last. People change, circumstances evolve, and life’s unpredictable nature often takes us on different paths. This realization is often painful but is a crucial part of personal growth and emotional maturity. Relationships that once felt like they would endure forever are sometimes the first to dissolve as life’s demands and complexities unfold.

The Breakup Letter: A Symbol of Changing Connections

The story of two close friends who were once inseparable, offers a poignant example of how even the most meaningful connections can eventually fade. They shared countless memories, from late-night rides to mutual trips that symbolized their deep bond. But as adults, they began to drift apart, with the understanding that relationships, no matter how strong or close, have a natural life cycle. The phrase “Just like sitting on that green train, we accompanied each other, station after station, and even if we part ways at one station, we know we will meet again at the next” beautifully illustrates the fleeting nature of such relationships.

As adults, we come to accept that reunions may not be as common as we once imagined. The initial optimism that "we'll always stay close" becomes tempered by the reality that, in adulthood, people move in different directions—some due to personal growth, others due to life’s challenges, and still others due to changing values. The notion of permanence in relationships gives way to the acceptance that separation is often inevitable.

The Reality of Separation: Embracing the Ephemeral Nature of Bonds

A particularly powerful element of this narrative is the reflection on how adults gradually come to terms with the reality that "separation is natural." This understanding is crucial for personal peace. When we stop clinging to past relationships, we free ourselves from the emotional exhaustion of constantly trying to preserve connections that may no longer serve us or be reciprocal.

One elderly person’s reflection—after losing his wife, close friends, and living in solitude—perfectly encapsulates the acceptance of this natural cycle. Even though he had children and friends, many of them were busy with their own lives, and many others had passed away. He learned to live with his solitude, finding comfort in casual social encounters, such as visiting busy public places or simply keeping the TV on for the sound of company. The most profound moment comes when he refuses the idea of a new relationship because he recognizes that no relationship, not even marriage or close friendships, can last forever.

This realization is liberating, allowing him to understand that all relationships, even the deepest ones, are temporary. This isn't a pessimistic outlook; rather, it’s an acknowledgment of the impermanence of life itself. Life, with all its fleeting moments and changing circumstances, requires us to embrace what is present and let go of what is past.

Solitude and Self-Companionship: The Wisdom of Aging

In accepting the transient nature of relationships, we also learn the value of solitude. As the elder’s experience demonstrates, time spent alone can be both peaceful and enriching. Solitude doesn't necessarily equate to loneliness; instead, it can provide the space to reflect, grow, and appreciate the present moment. The quiet of living alone offers an opportunity to reconnect with oneself, to find joy in one’s own company, and to experience life from a different, more introspective perspective.

This doesn't mean that we should shun relationships or push them away; rather, it invites us to recognize that relationships should complement our lives, not define them. When we learn to enjoy our own company, we become more resilient, more accepting of the ebb and flow of life’s connections. By doing so, we open ourselves up to the present without the burden of holding onto the past or fearing the future.

The Reality of Adult Friendships

While many people may have numerous acquaintances, the number of close friends dwindles. By the time we reach adulthood, we may struggle to find someone who truly understands us, someone we can confide in and trust with our deepest emotions. This idea reflects the increasing difficulty in forming deep connections as life becomes more complex, with work, family, and personal goals often taking precedence.

Additionally, people’s lives become increasingly occupied with their own responsibilities and goals. The deep, unspoken understanding that existed in childhood friendships often fades when adult lives become more complicated. The same dynamics that once made it easy to maintain friendships or romantic relationships—shared routines, common goals—become fragmented as individuals pursue separate paths.

The Finality of Relationships: Acceptance and Moving On

The idea that “no relationship is everlasting, and each person has their own path” is both a sorrowful and liberating realization. It speaks to the heart of the human condition—the inevitability of change. We all encounter moments when relationships break down, whether due to differences, changing priorities, or simple passage of time. The process of accepting that "we were together for a time, and now it is over" is a crucial step in achieving emotional maturity.

As the story reflects, one must learn to treasure what was good about a relationship without desperately clinging to the past. This means recognizing that people come into our lives for different reasons, for different amounts of time, and that their presence is a gift. When it is time for them to leave, we should not attempt to force them to stay. Instead, we must embrace the relationship as part of our story, not as something that needs to be preserved at all costs.

The “Single-Threaded” Nature of Adult Relationships

Another thought-provoking idea shared in the text is the concept of "single-threaded" relationships in adulthood. In school or during youth, we may have friends who seem to be constant companions. But as we grow older, our connections with others become more linear, with each relationship representing a separate chapter in our life’s story. Once a chapter ends, it’s difficult to revisit it with the same depth.

Relationships, whether with friends, family, or lovers, are often "one-threaded" in the sense that once that thread of connection is severed, it cannot always be rejoined in the same way. The love you once shared with someone, the close companionship you enjoyed, may fade or evolve into something different over time. This is why it’s so important to cherish relationships while they exist, but also to let go when they have naturally come to their end.

Conclusion: Letting Go and Embracing the Present

Ultimately, the text presents a life philosophy rooted in acceptance and release. “When one relationship ends, another may begin.” The cycle of relationships, though painful at times, is a natural and necessary part of life’s journey. Rather than clinging to what has passed, we must learn to live in the present, appreciate the relationships we have now, and release the ones that are no longer meant to be.

By doing this, we create space for new relationships, new experiences, and personal growth. We find peace in knowing that not every connection is meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Life’s impermanence is not something to fear, but something to embrace as we continue forward on our individual paths.

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In the new year, prioritize your health

Every new year, we make wishes. Looking at the most popular aspirations, success is what we seek, happiness is what we wish for. However, without health, success, wealth, happiness, and dreams are all empty promises. In life, health is the most precious wealth.

In the new year, no matter how busy or tired you may be, please remember to treat yourself kindly and listen to your body's signals, taking better care of yourself.

Truly, nothing is more important than health.

Good health is everyone's desire.

Every New Year, we receive many greeting cards from friends. Over the years, the box can no longer be closed. One day, when opened, there was a sudden desire to tally up the wishes to see what heartfelt blessings people have on our most festive days.

The "Wishing you prosperity" cards were gently set aside. Wealth is important, but certainly not the most important. The "Wishing your dreams come true" cards were dismissed with a smile. According to psychological studies, the average person has about sixty thousand thoughts a day. If all those wishes came true, wouldn't chaos reign? As for the "Wishing you laughter always" cards, well, those were quite fitting.

The most repeated auspicious phrase was — "Wishing you good health!"

Health is the most sought-after wish. But health doesn't fall from the sky, nor is it achieved simply by wishing. Like any other good thing in the world, health is fought for, built, nurtured, and defended.

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Why Do Class Reunions for Middle-Aged People Feel Different Now? The Surprising Truth

Do You Still Attend Reunions When You’re Middle-Aged?

The feelings towards class reunions vary greatly among people. Some view them as a reasonable way to maintain social relationships, while others see them as superficial gatherings. This has led many to wonder what would happen if everyone were honest about their feelings toward reunions.

Let’s explores the complex emotions and motivations behind attending class reunions, particularly in middle age. People's feelings toward reunions are varied, with some viewing them as a natural way to maintain friendships and stay connected, while others feel they are superficial, lacking genuine connections. The overall theme addresses how reunions reflect a person's current self-perception, insecurities, and the emotional baggage carried from the past.

Varied Opinions on Reunions

People express different views on reunions. Some see them as necessary social events, a way to maintain relationships and reconnect with old friends. For these individuals, the reunion is not about competition or comparison; it’s about enjoying nostalgia and friendship. On the other hand, many feel reunions are merely an opportunity for shallow conversations and comparisons, where people pretend to be cordial while actually sizing up each other's success and status.

Some online comments reflect the frustration people feel about the expectations around reunions. One person complains about how meaningless these events are, especially when someone who was once struggling with poverty or poor academic performance now flaunts wealth or success. The comment suggests that people often engage in subtle competition at reunions, sizing up each other’s success based on appearance, conversation, and achievements.

Why Do People Brag at Reunions?

Why some people feel the need to show off at reunions? People who were once overlooked, unsuccessful, or ignored during their school years may attend reunions with a sense of needing to prove their worth. The act of bragging or showcasing one’s achievements, whether it’s about wealth, status, or success, is viewed as a form of self-validation.

People often make exaggerated efforts to display their success—such as renting expensive cars, wearing outfits they normally wouldn’t choose, or even exaggerating their accomplishments. This behavior stems from a desire to prove that they have overcome past difficulties and achieved something noteworthy. It's a way to silence the voices of doubt that may have followed them since their youth, and to demonstrate that they have surpassed their former peers' expectations of them.

One example given is someone who might show up to a reunion in a rented luxury car, symbolizing wealth, success, and status—essentially trying to make a statement: "Look at me now. I’ve done well for myself." This type of behavior is often rooted in insecurities, as these individuals seek validation from people who were once part of their lives. In their minds, they need to prove that their past struggles no longer define them.

Repeatedly Bringing Up Past Achievements

Another group at reunions is those who constantly talk about their past glories, whether it's about their physical appearance, popularity, or achievements. These individuals often begin their sentences with, "Back in the day, I was..." The reason behind this behavior is to relive the feeling of admiration or popularity they once had. It’s a form of psychological escape from the realities of middle age, where they may feel disconnected or unimportant in their current lives. By talking about their past, they can revisit a time when they felt special, celebrated, or powerful.

Psychologists explain that people who continuously talk about their past successes or moments of attention are often trying to compensate for a perceived lack of recognition in the present. Middle age often brings a sense of responsibility, where people may feel overwhelmed by work, family obligations, and aging. The need to revisit "the good old days" becomes a coping mechanism for dealing with current feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety, or disconnection. Revisiting past "glories" allows them to momentarily escape from the pressure of the present and relive the feelings of importance and validation they once had.

Networking and Resource Gathering

Another type of attendee at class reunions is the opportunist—the person who attends with the goal of networking, establishing business contacts, or seeking investments. These individuals often see reunions as an opportunity to expand their professional circle, pitch ideas, or find new clients, partners, or collaborators. They are not interested in rekindling old friendships or reminiscing about school days; instead, they focus on building relationships that can further their business goals.

This type of person might spend time discussing work, pitching products, or seeking business leads during the reunion. They see their classmates as potential resources to help them succeed. This behavior is rooted in a deep sense of insecurity or anxiety about their career or business, and they use the reunion to seek the comfort of knowing they have some "guaranteed" trust from former peers.

While some people find this behavior unappealing, as it can feel transactional or insincere, those engaging in it view the reunion as a resource hub where they can leverage past connections to advance their current goals. For them, the reunion is not about social bonding, but rather about securing a sense of stability and success in a competitive world.

Nostalgic Attendees

On the other end of the spectrum are people who attend reunions purely for nostalgia and emotional connection. These individuals don’t see the reunion as an opportunity to boast or network but as a chance to reconnect with old friends and share memories of simpler times. For them, the class reunion is a space to relive the carefree days of youth and to remember the bonds they formed in school.

They talk about shared experiences, old inside jokes, and cherished memories. For many, it’s about revisiting a time when life was less complicated, and they were not burdened by the pressures of adult life. The reunion becomes a moment to reconnect with the past, with no strings attached, no competition, and no ulterior motives.

The Emotional Need Behind Reunions

Reunions reflect the emotional and psychological needs of individuals in middle age. For some, reunions are about proving their success, overcoming past self-doubt, and showcasing their achievements. For others, they are a space to reconnect with their past selves and relive moments of freedom and joy. Some use the reunion to seek business opportunities and expand their network, while others are there simply to find a sense of belonging and connection with old friends.

Reunions serve as a window into people’s emotional worlds. They allow individuals to explore unresolved feelings, unfulfilled desires, or lingering insecurities. Some people want to show they’ve overcome challenges, while others are seeking validation or reconnection. In many ways, attending a reunion is an emotional experience, one that taps into people’s deepest feelings about themselves, their past, and their future.

The Value of Reunions

Despite the varied motivations and behaviors at reunions, reunions provide an opportunity for personal reflection. For those attending with a competitive or self-promoting mindset, the key to growth is learning to let go of the need to prove oneself and accept where they are in life. For those who seek to reconnect with their past, the value lies in finding peace with the present and accepting that life has changed. Reunions, in their own way, are an opportunity to reflect on who we were, who we are now, and who we want to become.

In conclusion, reunions are not just about reconnecting with old friends or showing off success. They serve as a reminder that our past, present, and future are interconnected, and that the true meaning of these gatherings lies in how we use them to come to terms with ourselves and our own journey.

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Beyond Dinner: Showing True Appreciation

In the bustling society, everyone encounters benefactors to varying degrees.

Among them are those who pull us out of life's quagmire, and some help us dispel the fog before our eyes.

To repay kindness, we usually choose to treat them to a meal or give gifts.

But do those who are capable of helping us really care about a meal or a gift?

Undoubtedly, the answer is no, just as the saying goes:

"A good meal can be measured by money, but kindness cannot be compared, nor can it be fully repaid."

The rarest thing in kindness is not the kindness of others but the warmth within it, because the other party is under no obligation.

If you repay casually, you are underestimating this sentiment.

For those who have shown kindness to you, stop repaying them with meals or gifts, and consider learning these three ways:

01 On rainy days, hold an umbrella for them.

A's company had just started to thrive not long ago when a college student named C, recommended by his older brother, came to work at A's company.

A let C choose the position he liked. C was an IT major, and he wanted to apply his expertise, so he proposed connecting the company to the international network, which required a budget.

However, it was the 1990s, and there were still few companies using computers. Moreover, C had just graduated from college and had no work experience. Even A's brother thought he was crazy, and the company's finances were not optimistic.

But A decisively agreed and set up a separate department for C, providing him with sufficient budget.

In fact, A didn't understand the internet or computers, but he chose to trust C.

Later, when C encountered a bottleneck in developing another new technology due to insufficient funds, he had no choice but to turn to A again.

This time, the amount of money needed was relatively large, and the company's finance and others thought C was asking for too much. Only A firmly believed in C.

With the support of this funding, C quickly developed the new technology and signed a large contract with a well-known German company.

Just as C's career was beginning to take off, A's company encountered a financial crisis.

When C learned about it, he hurriedly returned from Germany, disregarding the time difference, and came to A's office, saying he would bring all the money over.

A was surprised to hear this. He knew that the internet project was C's dream, so he said:

"In my heart, I've been thinking for a long time, who would be the first person to send me money? I thought of many people, but I didn't expect it to be you."

C replied, "When I was in my most difficult times, it was you who believed in me, so no matter what difficulties you are facing now, I will do my best to help you."

Everyone experiences times when they forget to bring an umbrella on rainy days, and it's the perfect opportunity to repay kindness, especially by holding an umbrella for them on rainy days.

"Sending charcoal in snowy weather is valuable because few people truly do it."

Most people's repayment of kindness only stays on the surface, with a simple "Let me know if you need anything" or "I'll definitely repay you in the future."

There are very few people who truly take action, and it's precisely because they are rare that they strike a chord in people's hearts.

When they save you at a critical moment, and you help them in times of trouble, this is the perfect completion of friendship.

02 On sunny days, give them applause.

A netizen once expressed his feelings unintentionally, saying:

"The most helpless thing is when others help you, but you can't help them back. Over time, you feel inferior."

Indeed, for those who are grateful, being unable to repay is painful.

We often feel that if someone extends a helping hand to us, we should repay them in the same way.

However, many times, kindness cannot be exchanged equally, even if you have the intention, you may not have the ability or opportunity.

But being unable to help does not mean there is no way to repay.

There are many ways to express gratitude. Even if you cannot hold an umbrella for them on rainy days, at least you can applaud for them on sunny days.

At the 16th Shanghai International Film Festival, Andy Lau solemnly thanked someone in front of many celebrities.

That person was director Tsui Hark.

Andy Lau said that he had only worked with Tsui Hark once, but Tsui Hark had brought him great gains and influence.

Through his collaboration with Tsui Hark, Andy Lau truly learned how to act, how to choose scripts that he liked and audiences liked.

At the same time, Tsui Hark also taught Andy Lau to see the world from another perspective, broadening Andy Lau's cinematic horizons.

Andy Lau openly expressed his gratitude to Tsui Hark for his guidance. When it was announced that Tsui Hark was the recipient of the "Outstanding Contribution to Chinese Cinema Award," Andy Lau immediately walked up, bent down to hug Tsui Hark, and then quietly stepped aside to applaud for Tsui Hark.

Andy Lau integrated his gratitude to Tsui Hark into his admiration and applause, which was indeed a sincere way of expressing gratitude.

In real life, those who can help us are often more capable and outstanding than us.

In their world, sunny days are always more frequent than rainy days, and applauding them during their shining moments is also a heartfelt gesture.

Although the world is never short of those who add flowers to the brocade, sincere support is equally precious.

As the saying goes, "Sincerity is always the killer move."

Repayment doesn't have to be intense; it just needs to be sincere.

People have a heart to repay. Even a simple thank you, a congratulatory word can convey the gratitude in one's heart.

On sunny days, when the sun is shining brightly, coupled with the blooming flowers, it makes for a beautiful story.

03 On cloudy days, visit them often.

Life is like winter weather; there are few rainy and sunny days, and more often, it's just plain cloudy.

The more ordinary the days, the more they test true feelings, after all, time can easily disperse everything.

A doctor once shared her experience.

She was born in a rural area and has suffered from severe hereditary diabetes since childhood. Therefore, she decided to study medicine in college.

When she was in college, she didn't want her classmates to pity her or look down on her, so she didn't tell anyone about her diabetes.

Therefore, she often went to the hospital to get medicine by herself, then secretly hid in the restroom to inject insulin.

Once when she went to the hospital to get medicine, she happened to meet her professor.

Under the professor's inquiry, she revealed the fact that she had diabetes. She thought the professor would inform the school.

Unexpectedly, not only did the professor not mention it to anyone, thus protecting her privacy, but he also consciously or unconsciously took care of her.

The professor knew that her family conditions were not very good, and she needed to continue taking medicine, so he proactively applied for scholarships and financial aid for her.

Sometimes, the professor would also help her do some projects to earn some subsidies or give her some things to adjust her insulin.

From undergraduate to graduate school, whether it was academics or life, the professor helped her a lot.

She was very grateful to the professor in her heart, but she knew that the professor was not lacking materially, so she had never formally repaid him.

But on holidays, she would go to see the professor and his wife, report her situation, and chat with them.

Later, when she encountered difficult medical cases at work, she would consult the professor, and he would always give his opinion without reservation.

She knew that the professor and his wife liked to go to the park, so when she had free time, she would accompany them to walk in the park and take photos with them.

She said:

"Every time I see the professor and his wife smiling happily, I feel warm in my heart.

Although the professor and I initially bonded over his kindness, after many years of interaction, it has long surpassed the original kindness and now feels more like family.

Kindness is often just the starting point of fate.

Daily care is the most heartwarming, and good relationships cannot do without the witness of daily life.

"Relationships, you have to keep moving; the more you move, the more entangled they become, and the more entangled you become, the harder it is to extricate yourself."

Always being able to distinguish between you, me, and him is key to maintaining a sense of distance.

For those with good intentions who have never asked for your repayment, remembering their kindness and visiting them often in ordinary times is already sufficient.

Repayment doesn't require immediate courage; steady effort demonstrates deep affection.

If you want to repay someone, why not use a grateful heart to add warmth to ordinary days and elevate fleeting encounters into lasting relationships.

04 Whether you are mediocre or not, as long as you have a heart, you can always find a suitable way to repay.

Whether it's holding an umbrella on rainy days or applauding on sunny days, or even chatting about everyday life on cloudy days, your efforts to repay are all touching.

"The meaning of life lies in the illumination between people."

Born into loneliness, it is the kindness from others that allows us to feel the warmth of the world.

By continuing this warmth, becoming a light in each other's lives, kindness fulfills its mission.

In this world, nothing is more precious than genuine affection. When others show righteousness, respond with kindness, and fulfill the bonds of fate, you won't regret it!

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"Laziness is your body's best signal."

In life, I've found that many people who aren't doing well often encounter this dilemma: they have many ideas, but their motivation always lags behind. They often have many things they want to do, always ambitious and making many plans, but in the end, they fail to complete them for various reasons. Over time, people become frustrated and lack confidence. Some even feel like they're just lazy, destined to waste their lives. In fact, motivation is the key factor that sets people apart. On a smaller scale, it affects the achievement of one or two things; on a larger scale, if motivation cannot keep up in the long run, people will develop self-doubt and become more self-conscious and withdrawn in the face of repeated setbacks. We usually think that the strength of motivation depends on willpower and perseverance, and those without motivation are simply lazy.

But in psychology, the key to improving motivation lies in building good relationships, which involves two aspects:

1. Relationship with tasks;

2. Relationship with oneself. A person who always lacks motivation may not necessarily have a problem with themselves but because they haven't built good relationships.

1.Relationship with tasks: Why do you want to change?

"Building good relationships" may sound abstract at first, but it's actually closely related to our lives. I once had an interesting job: providing psychological support for people trying to lose weight. In my daily work, I needed to understand their emotional state, progress in weight loss, and effectiveness, etc. After a while, I found that I had inadvertently acquired a skill: predicting whether someone would succeed in losing weight (with an accuracy rate of about 80%). I didn't need to know their physical indicators but to understand their motivations for losing weight. I would ask everyone the same question: what happened that made you decide to lose weight? Different answers reflect different understandings of weight loss. The first two types of people have the shallowest understanding of weight loss and are just making impulsive decisions. This means that there is only a weak connection between them and the goal of "losing weight," and the motivation they can stimulate is also very limited. So, it's easy to become enthusiastic for a short time, but once the initial excitement wears off, it becomes difficult to have motivation again. The third situation is slightly better. Some older friends who are in poor health often suffer from illness and hope to lose weight to become healthy and reduce pain. This means that their connection with "losing weight" will be deeper, and they will have more motivation to keep going. Therefore, even though their metabolism is lower and losing weight is more difficult, because their motivation is stronger, their motivation is also stronger, and they are more likely to succeed. Of course, this motivation is still not the highest, after all, they are urged to lose weight by a doctor. However, it's easy to see that the degree of motivation shown by different degrees of connection with the goal will be completely different.

2.The strongest motivation comes from the deepest relationships

In fact, weight loss is like a metaphor for many things in life. We often make many plans, such as reading, taking exams, going to bed and getting up early, eating a balanced diet, learning new skills, etc. Everyone knows that these things are "good" and worth doing, but when it comes to action, they find themselves with more will than strength. That's because the understanding of "good" at this time only stays at the level of the mind and lacks experience. Conversely, when a person has a deep understanding and experience of what they are doing, they can generate tremendous motivation.

Once, I met a lady named Lee, who showed amazing execution in losing weight. In her past life, she had always been chubby and had never seriously tried to lose weight. But after starting a strict exercise and diet plan, she hardly ever missed a day and rarely complained. I was curious why she was so good at it, so Lee shared her experience with me. All along, her attitude towards life had been perfunctory; she just got by at work, wasn't invested in relationships, and handled conflicts with her boyfriend coldly. She never thought there would be any problem with this. Until last year, she was suddenly fired from her job and broke up. The two blows struck her suddenly like lightning, and she realized the problem and felt unprecedented pain. Lee wanted to change, but she felt powerless and felt a huge sense of powerlessness and loss of control. Just when she was feeling hopeless, she accidentally ran into a high school friend she hadn't seen in years. In her memory, her friend was just like her, chubby, timid, and lacking in confidence. But now, her friend had almost completely changed. Not only had she become thinner, but she also seemed confident in her speech and demeanor, appearing poised and confident in everything she did. Lee deeply admired her friend's state, and her friend shared how she had changed little by little. Lee listened intently and also had a thought in her heart: maybe I can change myself and take control of my life. Not long after, Lee celebrated her 30th birthday and made a wish: to change herself and take back control of her life. One of the first things she did was to take control of her weight. For Lee, losing weight was not just about becoming beautiful and healthy, but also about helping herself overcome the anxiety of losing control and regain confidence. Therefore, she had an extremely deep connection with the goal of losing weight, which naturally kept her motivated. Lee’s state has since improved, making others envious. So, is it certain that as long as you establish a deep relationship with what you are doing, you can persist? Not necessarily.

Because there is another influencing factor: the relationship with oneself.

3.Relationship with oneself: Is change motivated by "self-love" or "self-hatred"?

Observing those around you, you will find that many people are indeed determined to do something but still procrastinate or even give up halfway. The reason is that they often do things in a state of "self-hatred." You may feel puzzled: isn't growth and change about making oneself better, isn't it "self-love"? Not necessarily! Sharing a personal experience: At the end of last year, I resumed my habit of running, but before that, I had procrastinated on running for almost half a year. I often encountered situations where I would set my alarm clock the night before to remind myself to get up early to run, but the next day, I often woke up but didn't want to get out of bed. Or, I would finally go out, but after running for less than 10 minutes, I wanted to give up. Why would this happen? Later, I realized that it was because I would set a series of invisible high goals for myself, such as: I must start running at 6:30; I must run more than 3 kilometers continuously; I can't run too slowly... These goals may seem ordinary, but for someone like me who was used to sleeping late and hadn't exercised for a long time, they were actually quite difficult. Why would I set such high goals? Later, I realized a deeper truth: because I didn't like myself. During that time, I was very dissatisfied with myself, thinking that I was performing poorly in all aspects of work and life. Therefore, I hated to see this annoying self and wanted to change immediately. Therefore, when setting goals, I wasn't considering whether the goal could be achieved but was immersed in a state of self-disgust, setting unrealistic goals. Deep down, I would think: only by reaching such high standards can I prove that I'm not bad, and only then can I be satisfied with myself. However, unrealistic goals only bring continuous setbacks. I would become irritated by small things. For example, if I woke up late or ran slowly, I would judge and deny myself: "Why am I so bad!" And the subconscious mind tends to seek benefit and avoid harm. When running each time meant enduring the pain of criticism, unconsciously, I would become procrastinated. After all, as long as I didn't do it, I wouldn't have to face the bloody setbacks. Therefore, in an atmosphere of self-disgust, people are destined to become exhausted when doing things, and naturally, motivation will decrease.

4.When motivation is lacking, it is even more important to love oneself

Indeed, when changing, people often have both feelings of "self-love" and "self-hatred," but be careful not to let the latter dominate. Careful observation will reveal that many people seemingly set positive and upward growth goals, but many of them are venting their dissatisfaction with themselves by setting high goals. For example, some people change their profile pictures to "won't change until I lose ten pounds," or make a New Year's resolution to "read a book a week"... These goals not only are difficult to achieve, leading to self-doubt, but they also disrupt the rhythm of action. And many people are addicted to self-blame because of the influence of wrong ideas, thinking that the more cruel and demanding they are to themselves, the better they will become. But that's not true. While self-blame can sometimes generate short-term motivation, fundamentally, it's a state of being hostile to oneself, which only consumes energy in self-struggle. Therefore, to obtain sustainable motivation, we need to change our relationship with ourselves. Later, through continuous awareness and adjustment, I redeveloped the habit of running and summarized three steps. If you encounter similar difficulties, you may want to try it.

a.See the real self

Bad relationships often stick to "as I wish," while good relationships accept things "as they are." The former disregards the actual situation and focuses solely on that ideal goal, while the latter sees and accepts the true self. I remind myself: although life may not be going well right now, and I haven't exercised in a long time, planning to start moving now is already good. It's inevitable that I can't run or run slowly at this time. When I think like this, my self-blame decreases, and I can see a few things about myself that are worthy of praise. In fact, everyone is like this. Behind the dissatisfaction with oneself also means that we are in a trough, and the difficulty of change is the greatest at this time. But we are still determined to salvage ourselves, and this intention alone is worthy of affirmation and recognition. When we can realize this, self-acceptance will increase, and the insistence on high goals will decrease.

Lower the goal and rebuild the "relationship" I remind myself: now, my main task is to reduce psychological burden and find a way to make running a less stressful activity for me. So, I readjusted the goal of running, focusing not on how fast or how far to run but setting a minimum standard: to go out. As long as I run, I achieve my goal, and that is a victory. Therefore, my stress was minimized, and I successfully turned running into a habit. Actually, when you find it difficult to act, you might as well lower the standard, get yourself moving, and continue before there's a chance for progress.

b.The worse the performance, the more support you need for yourself

Later, when my running state recovered, I could run more than 8 kilometers each time, and my requirements for myself also unknowingly increased. But once, perhaps because my condition was really bad, it took me 30 minutes to "run" just 3 kilometers. This is a very slow pace, and at first, I felt embarrassed and didn't want to post on social media. But then I realized: am I running to prove it to others? Of course not, I'm doing it for myself. At the same time, even if I perform poorly, I accept this imperfect self. When I think like this, I don't feel defeated but feel a kind of power connected to myself. I am no longer an enemy with myself but a friend fighting side by side.

In conclusion

Actually, when you find yourself always having the will but lacking the strength, don't rush to doubt or deny yourself. Those things that have shallow connections with yourself don't have to be forced, try doing goals that you are more willing to do first. And on the road to growth, everyone will have moments of poor performance. The more difficult the time, the more we need to avoid adding insult to injury to ourselves, support and understand ourselves more. Only then can we rebuild our relationship and truly improve our motivation.

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Middle Age Minimalim: Stop Doing These 5 Things When You're Broke!

Some friends say they earn just a small monthly salary and don't have any side gigs, so they can't save any money at all! For ordinary office workers who follow the same routine every day, it's indeed difficult to save a large sum each month without any additional sources of income. However, the advice on saving money has always been: it's not about being frugal to the point of stinginess, nor is it necessary for everyone to start a side hustle; it's simply about avoiding wasteful spending.

In daily life, if you can consciously avoid wastefulness, while you might not save big bucks immediately, you'll certainly be able to save some pennies.

Many people might think, "Since I don't have much money anyway, why not enjoy life to the fullest?" Forgive me for being blunt, but this is not the mindset of someone who's living life well. Particularly with these 5 things, the sooner you stop them when you're broke, the better!

1. Stop staying up late

I know quite a few people who stay up late either to work and earn money or to self-improve in hopes of making more money. But if staying up late to earn money compromises basic health, won't it lead to even more financial strain when your health deteriorates? During a period when my children were very young, I tried to improve myself as quickly as possible by working super hard and being extremely disciplined (often staying up late to finish tasks). However, that was also the time when my immune system was at its lowest, and I frequently had to visit clinics for injections and medication. Not only did I not make any money, but I also spent quite a bit, not to mention the suffering. Eventually, I came to a conclusion: Regardless of whether you make money or not, prioritize your health, stop staying up late, and take care of your body first.

2.Stop impulse shopping

I truly understand the impulse to buy things. Just last weekend, I bought a pair of jeans myself. However, jeans are a necessity because the ones at home are either very old or too tight (okay, I admit I might have gained a bit of weight in middle age). But did you know? At that time, I also really wanted to buy a top to match the jeans. I tried on about six or seven options, and there were two that I really liked: one was a light green striped linen shirt with 3/4 sleeves, and the other was a cream-colored long-sleeved T-shirt. I was truly tempted to buy them all. However, after a moment of thought, I realized I already had two shirts at home and several white short-sleeved ones. Thinking of this, I controlled myself and left without making any purchases. Thank goodness for that moment of reflection, which prevented me from making an impulse purchase.

3.Stop being idle

From childhood to adulthood, I've always been aware that without any special resources or innate talent, hard work is the key to success in both learning and life. After all, isn't living about finding things to do for ourselves regularly? I've always had a somewhat biased view: once someone becomes idle, trouble follows. So, you see, wherever there are many idle people in a household, things usually don't go well. Many years ago, there was a young man who hadn't studied much. Later, through a referral, he got a job at a mobile phone repair shop and has been working there for many years. It's said he's still there now. Yes, people aren't afraid of you earning less or lacking big ambitions; they're afraid of you being idle all day and drifting aimlessly. Don't ever try those shortcuts to make money; sooner or later, you'll land yourself in trouble. If you're broke, find a decent job, work diligently, and enjoy the warmth of family life!

4.Stop complaining about being poor

I truly can't understand why some people keep complaining about being poor. Complaining about being poor doesn't solve any problems or earn any money. So, remember, don't cry poverty in front of others because they won't give you any money; they'll just laugh at you. Also, don't often think to yourself that you're just like this and will be poor for the rest of your life. I believe that in life: you must often encourage yourself, keep yourself energized, and then work hard to make money. This kind of outlook on life may not make ordinary people rich and prosperous, but living a stable and comfortable life shouldn't be a problem. Look around, those families that were once very poor but kept quiet about it later turned out fine. Parents' hard work is seen by their descendants, who then tend to be more capable. I think this is how most individuals, through self-motivation and effort, achieve family transformation. So, never cry poverty; strive and work hard at all times.

5.Stop comparing

Comparing yourself to others brings nothing but frustration. When poor people compare themselves to rich people, it feels like they've fallen from heaven to hell. When I was young, my family was really poor. Our family squeezed into two small rooms. At that time, I envied classmates who had their own houses. My mother probably sensed what I was feeling because she said: "You're students now, so don't compare what you eat and wear with others. Instead, compare who studies better. If you study well, you'll get a good job in the future and can have whatever you want." Looking back now, those words might have been a bit crude, but there was nothing wrong with the values they instilled: don't compare what you don't have with others; create what you want for yourself. So, whenever I hear about who's rich and what they've bought, I'm almost indifferent, and I don't feel any vanity or jealousy. Because I know: what others have is what they've created, and what I want, I'll create for myself.

Some friends might think, "We work so hard every day to earn money, isn't it for spending?" I admit, it's for spending. But, the key is how you spend it: I have no hesitation when it comes to: buying books for myself, buying jeans (I try them on in stores rather than endlessly comparing options online), signing up for lessons with experienced teachers when I want to learn a new skill… These are non-negotiable for me. What people see might be my frugality and simplicity, but only I know: this is my abundance in life, and I find joy in it.

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Life experiences

1. Pay attention to those who are very good in dealing with others.

People who are good in dealing with others are all savvy individuals; they have high emotional intelligence, articulate well, and make you feel comfortable in their presence. But that doesn't necessarily mean they are good people.

When judging someone, don't just listen to what they say; observe their actions. Pay attention to details, feel with your heart, not just with your ears.

2. Make money as much as possible, save money diligently, money is very important.

No matter what your financial situation is, save money whenever possible. In this society, money is the most important shield for you and your family.

Nowadays, it feels like the weekend hasn't been spent if they haven't gone shopping, and it feels like they haven't gone shopping if they haven't bought anything. They feel wronged if they go shopping without having a cup of milk tea or a meal.

Save money in life, and there's no need to spend $6 on milk tea when $1 bottled water can do the job. Your savings are your lifeline.

3. Don't deliberately flatter others.

Those whom you flatter and fawn over, what real help can they offer you? Even if they do help you, sooner or later you'll have to repay them twofold. Moreover, why should they help you? The more you flatter others, the more others will flatter them, and the more incapable you'll appear.

Instead of trying to flatter others, spend that energy thinking about how to improve yourself.

4. Don't try to take shortcuts in anything.

For example, don't cheat on homework normally, don't think about cheating on exams, don't lie to deceive people; you are deceiving yourself.

Do you think you're deceiving the teacher by copying homework?

5. Things that make you suffer actually bring you happiness, and things that make you happy are often not real happiness.

Playing games and browsing on your phone are very comfortable, but that kind of short-term happiness often brings permanent pain.

Studying is painful, especially in the early stages. Stretching and running are painful. But these brief pains often bring long-term happiness.

6. It's never too late to start working hard.

It's never too late to start learning anything.

Many skills are usually acquired with just a few years of hard work. As long as you persist, regardless of what it is, you will gradually reap rewards.

7. Be calm and not judge others based on yourself.

Everyone's experiences are different, and their attitudes toward things are also different. You can disagree with someone's opinion, but don't question or oppose it. Don't try to impose your thoughts on others; it will only make you look foolish.

8. Don't prioritize interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal relationships are built on the circle you're in and are more determined by your abilities. If you have achieved nothing and have no value to offer, why should others help you? Only when you have the ability do you have the right to talk about interpersonal relationships.

9. Learning is a lifelong process, and reading is the lowest-cost, fastest way to grow.

Don't stop learning just because you're working. Many things can only be truly understood through practice. By learning while working, you will grow rapidly.

10. Stay away from trashy people.

If a dog bites you, would you bite the dog back?

If you encounter trashy people in life, endure a little grievance and leave as soon as possible. It's better to have one less thing to worry about.

11. Don't deliberately please others, and don't force yourself into circles you don't belong to.

Whether in school or after work, if you can't get along with classmates or colleagues, keep your distance. Focus on learning seriously and working diligently to enrich your life. You live for yourself, not to please others.

12. The more you talk, the less weight your words carry.

In daily life, except with friends, don't become a chatterbox when interacting with others. In this day and age, besides family and friends, no one has so much free time to listen to your nonsense.

13. Time will reveal true intentions.

People's hearts are unpredictable, and seeing someone's true intentions over time may not always be accurate. Communicate more, and you'll eventually see people's true intentions.

14.  Face is earned, not given by others.

When you feel that others don't respect you, don't get angry.

Others are not obliged to respect you. Whether or not you can earn others' respect depends on your abilities and character.

As the saying goes, face is earned, not given by others.

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Truly skilled individuals have already simplified their lives to the utmost

Minimalism is a form of wisdom, a choice in life that helps us cleanse our inner restlessness.

"Life is a continuous process of choosing and letting go. By letting go, we can unleash the maximum energy from our limited lives."

In our ignorant youth, we often pursue accumulation, constantly adding to our lives.

As we age and experience the ups and downs of life, we increasingly feel that the essence of happiness lies in simplicity.

When some people in life are exhausted by the noisy world, those who are truly skilled have already simplified their lives to a "minimalist" mode.

01 Less Comparison, Minimalist Desires

Do you experience the following situations:

You see others carrying designer bags while you can only afford mass market ones, feeling envious but powerless;

You see others' children excelling in both academics and character while yours are constantly criticized by teachers, feeling anxious but helpless;

You see others getting promoted and receiving raises every year while you remain stagnant, feeling increasingly fearful but clueless.

Desire is like quicksand—appropriate pursuit can provide endless motivation, but excessive desire born of comparison only leads to endless troubles.

A friend runs a small business, earning a considerable income at a young age, owning a house and a car, slightly ahead of peers.

But he is a person with high desires. Despite his achievements, he is never satisfied.

Due to work, he often attends industry events where he noticed his peers all drove luxury cars, exuding confidence. Compared to them, his car costing only half of them made him feel extremely inferior.

He felt conflicted and feared being looked down upon. So, he decided to take out a loan and buy a luxury car.

Since buying the luxury car, he has been under significant financial pressure every month. Although he feels a sense of prestige when driving it for social events, whenever the company's performance is not optimistic, he frequently suffers from anxiety and insomnia, finding no joy in owning the luxury car.

"Many of life's troubles stem from our blind comparison with others, forgetting to enjoy our own lives."

If we blindly lose ourselves in comparison, we will only exhaust ourselves.

In fact, true happiness in life always comes from comparing ourselves with who we were yesterday, not with others.

The more we compare, the more desires we have, and we may end up controlled by those desires, ultimately reaping what we sow.

Those truly skilled individuals have learned to subtract desires early and stay true to their original intentions.

In life, only by learning to compare less can we live more relaxed lives and enjoy simple and happy lives.

02 Less Self-Conflict, Minimalism Thinking

Often, we cannot control external opinions, but if we cannot manage our own minds, constantly exhausting ourselves and being swayed by emotions, it will only lead to life's tragedies.

There is a lady in the neighborhood who owns a convenience store and enjoys making short videos in her spare time.

Although she is middle-aged, she remains graceful and charming.

In her videos, she showcases her elegance and eloquence, often bringing joy to others. In less than a month, she gained a large following.

At this time, many people started leaving negative comments on her videos, saying she's too old to act cute, her beauty filters make her overconfident, and she's just bored, having too much time to make these videos.

Seeing these comments, she remained silent for a while. When others thought she would give up, she decisively blocked some people.

Afterwards, she continued creating videos as before because they always brought joy and positivity. Her fanbase grew, and some fans even visited her store just to meet her.

There's a saying: "External voices are only references. If it doesn't make you happy, don't pay attention to it."

In life, many people are easily disturbed by external voices, causing self-conflict. Truly blocking out external disturbances means practicing mind minimalism.

Try the following three-step method:

1. When disturbed by negative external voices, the first reaction should be to recognize that one shouldn't be easily affected by negative energy and should simplify one's mindset;

2. When negative effects are noticed, one should immediately awaken to avoid being immersed in negativity and shift focus;

3. When thoughts begin to change, action should not be delayed. To divert attention, one can watch a TV show, movie, or go for a walk.

These three simple methods are actually avocating minimalism. It helps us isolate ourselves from the outside world, focus entirely on our inner world, avoid unnecessary negative interference, and focus on our goals for success.

"Since there is no escape, it's better to be joyful; since there is no pure land, it's better to calm down; since wishes may not come true, it's better to let go."

Those truly skilled in life can regulate their minds to some extent. It's not that they don't experience self-conflict; it's that they can minimize it in time.

In the journey of life, with sunshine and rain, only by broadening our minds, focusing more on ourselves, and consuming less energy on negative people and things, can we enjoy the beauty of life.

Less socialization, minimalist relationships

Have you heard this philosophical saying: "Every piece of wood can become a Buddha if unnecessary parts are removed."

Life is the same. Instead of entangling oneself in useless relationships, it's better to streamline beneficial relationships, enriching one's spirit and expanding one's cognition.

"Life is a journey, encountering all kinds of people. Not everyone should be invited into your life."

If a relationship drains too much of our energy, we must learn to cut losses in time. We shouldn't blindly please others or become others' dumping grounds.

Those truly skilled individuals, capable of living high-quality lives, do so by minimizing their social relationships.

In life, one must learn to subtract from one's social circle, spend less time on superficial connections, and more time with those worth socializing with, in order to live a positive and optimistic life.

"Minimalism is not having nothing but another form of possession. We're not abandoning ourselves or desires. We're acknowledging our needs and possessions."

Less comparison, minimalist desires, leads to contentment;

Less self-conflict, mind minimalism, leads to naturalness and tranquility;

Less socialization, minimalist relationships, leads to abundant and easy living.

In the years to come, may we all maintain a minimalist lifestyle amidst the complexities of the world, cultivate stronger selves, and embark on a more beautiful journey in life.

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