Bearing it all alone

There's a saying: "Getting used to it" is a poignant phrase that can replace all the unspoken words.

Whenever someone asks you, "How have you been lately?" You always instinctively reply, "Just the same, used to it."

Getting used to it is the bitterness that almost slips out but quietly retreats back; it's the vulnerability you want to lean on but have to conceal.

Many times, when we say we're used to it, it's not because we truly are, but because we have no other choice.

Some words, no matter how much you say them, those who don't care about you won't listen; some feelings, no matter how deeply you describe them, those who don't care won't empathize.

Gradually, we all learn to handle things ourselves, to swallow our own sorrows.

I know there are moments when you're really tired. Like when you come home after a day's work and still have a pile of chores to do; or when negative emotions have been suppressed for too long without release; or when you're facing various annoyances all alone.

You must have eagerly hoped that when you couldn't bear it anymore, someone would stand behind you and gently support you.

But as the saying goes: there's nothing that can't be endured. The standards that adults set for themselves are always about getting through it.

Of course, you know there are people in this world who love and care about you, but you can't bear to let them share your burdens.

Perhaps everyone has such thoughts at times.

If it's something joyful, I'm willing to share it with you right away. If it's something sad, I hope to bear it alone, I hope you never have to know.

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Boost Your Luck: Cultivate a High-Energy Constitution

During our academic years, we compete with our intelligence; during work, we compete with our emotional intelligence; it's only in the latter half of life that we realize energy is more important than intelligence or emotional intelligence. People with low energy often feel passive and lazy, unable to handle pressure and setbacks. They collapse at the slightest difficulty and struggle to achieve anything consistently. On the other hand, individuals with high energy are full of vitality. When faced with problems, they don't easily retreat but actively break through obstacles, continuously progressing in life.

Indeed, this is true. Life is not a sprint but a marathon. Those who have abundant energy often emerge victorious in the end. To maintain a good state, one must cultivate a "high-energy constitution." It's not that you have bad luck, but your energy is too low. Psychological energy is the driving force of personality; it propels a person to accomplish various mental activities.

When a person's energy is too low, they feel unmotivated to do anything, trapped in a state of depression, lacking the drive to move forward.

Netizen B once vented about her experience: After graduation, she landed a decent job at a large company. She thought she would continue steadily on this path. However, over the years, the company's performance declined significantly, leading to layoffs, and her department was also at risk.

Faced with pressure, B spent her days worrying and complaining, working lazily and avoiding putting in effort. As a result, she was among the first batch of employees to be laid off. Ironically, shortly after she left, the industry began to recover, and her former colleagues who persevered were promoted. B believed she just had bad luck.

However, upon closer analysis, it was clear that her internal energy had a significant impact. Our energy is like the battery of a phone; it gets depleted and can be drained to zero. If we use up all our energy on internal struggles when faced with problems, we won't have the energy to make changes, and life will inevitably fall into a negative cycle.

There are often two types of people around us: one with good overall abilities but who enjoys negative complaining, resulting in a worsening situation; the other may seem ordinary but always faces problems with a positive attitude, attracting good luck and connections. The difference lies in the level of energy.

Low-energy individuals exhibit a perception of threat. They adopt a defensive attitude toward everything around them, constantly giving themselves negative suggestions, resulting in lethargy and despondency in self-pity. On the other hand, high-energy individuals exhibit a perception of opportunity. They give themselves positive suggestions, enabling them to better face challenges and seize opportunities.

Throughout life, we inevitably confront pressure and difficulties. If even a slight disturbance causes us to lose our composure, we will only exhaust ourselves in negative emotions. The lower the valley, the more important it is to manage one's energy well, not to worry prematurely, not to anticipate troubles.

Adjusting one's mentality, believing that difficulties are temporary, gives us the courage to face challenges and overcome obstacles. Managing one's energy is managing one's life. When a person finds it difficult to get through tough times, ultimately, it's because of insufficient energy. Many times, what traps a person is not external problems but internal feelings of powerlessness. By managing one's internal energy well, one gains the energy to deal with worldly challenges.

C was troubled by her introverted personality when she first graduated. At that time, she worked for a publishing company and often needed to communicate and negotiate with clients. However, because she was not good at communication, she was often scolded by some arrogant clients as "useless," even in front of her boss. Once, a client even said in front of the boss that she was not suitable for the job.

Faced with everyone's doubts, C fell into serious self-doubt: on the one hand, she doubted herself, and on the other hand, she constantly tried to prove herself. During that time, she often felt exhausted and suffered greatly. Fortunately, with the help of friends, she realized that although she couldn't change her personality, she could leverage her sincerity and empathy. Instead of letting others affect her mood, she devoted all her energy to improving herself and even summarized a set of "negotiation skills for introverts." She strongly agreed with a saying: "More important than time management is energy management."

Faced with the disturbances from the outside world, we must learn to focus on ourselves: take care of our emotions, don't exhaust ourselves, don't prove ourselves. Continuously enriching and cultivating ourselves allows us to nourish our inner selves and gain a continuous flow of energy.

Truly capable individuals have high-energy constitutions.

Each of us has a corresponding energy level, and the higher the energy level, the more likely we are to attract good luck and good things. To maintain a positive state, one must reduce consumption and engage in activities that recharge oneself.

Reduce "negative suggestions" and adopt "positive suggestions." Some may ask, "I can't seem to be happy; what should I do?" The answer is to laugh heartily every day and suggest to yourself: "I am happy and fortunate." Recall if you've ever experienced this: when feeling low, you think you're worthless and filled with anxiety about the future. Faced with challenges, you hesitate and vacillate; when feeling good, you feel empowered and in control, more willing to face challenges.

This is the influence of psychological suggestions. All our actions stem from our inner "thoughts." Only by believing in ourselves and our ability to deal with problems can we solve them. Providing ourselves with positive suggestions and learning to think positively can reduce internal consumption and increase our energy.

Change "low-energy postures" and adopt "high-energy postures." The state of the body determines our psychological state. A good posture brings positive energy to emotions. In life, we must actively maintain awareness of our bodies, consciously adopting "high-energy postures" such as standing tall with our heads held high and hands on hips. Adjusting our posture can quickly boost our spirits and reduce anxiety.

Stop excessive rumination and return to the present moment. Many people have experienced this: before giving a speech, they start worrying about "what if I make a mistake?" and end up making mistakes. Before meeting a client, they fret about "what if this person is difficult to deal with?" and end up having a hard time. Why does this happen? Because thinking without action is the most energy-consuming.

When our energy is too low, we become sluggish and prone to making mistakes. However, when you focus on the process of things—prepare the speech earnestly or remember the client's needs and preferences carefully before meeting them—using energy for action rather than aimless thinking allows life to enter a positive cycle of improvement. There's a saying:

"Energy is a person's inner vitality. The kind of energy you have determines the kind of life you lead." Fill yourself with energy, and the road ahead will be steady.

Luck is nothing more than focusing one's energy on the right things, day after day, reaping a better self and attracting more beautiful things. When you manage your energy well and learn to relax your inner self, not losing yourself in external voices or consuming yourself in excessive worries, and focus on what you can do, everything you desire will come your way.

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Revitalize: Embracing Exercise for Lifelong Well-being After Middle Age

Have you ever experienced this:

When work stress mounts and you feel restless, going for a run immediately lifts your mood significantly.

Feeling sad and down, struggling to get motivated, breaking into sweat quickly brings relief.

Exercise seems to have a magical effect, releasing stress, relieving boredom, and swiftly lifting you out of emotional turmoil.

Just 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise can immediately improve depressive moods and restore a sense of pleasure.

"If you're feeling down, exercising will lift your mood, and that feeling of knowing you're about to get better will completely change your mindset."

As people enter middle age, work, life, and family matters pile up, bringing constant worries.

Instead of feeling lost in emotional turmoil, why not dissipate it through the joy of exercise?

Getting moving is actually the simplest way for us to relieve anxiety and stress.

Exercise is a quick-acting remedy for emotional healing.

Psychologists have found that exercise has "short-term emotional effects".

Specifically, after exercise, levels of negative emotions like anxiety and depression significantly decrease, while feelings of happiness significantly increase.

This phenomenon is determined by the unique structure of the human body:

When faced with difficulties, the amygdala in the brain continuously releases stress hormones, making us feel nervous and anxious.

Exercise allows the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus in the body to inhibit the excessive reaction of the amygdala, thereby alleviating emotions.

As the saying goes, "Exercise is a quick-acting remedy for emotional healing."

I once came across a story shared by a netizen, which left a deep impression:

An elder, in his fifties, lost his son.

Unable to accept reality, he was melancholic all day long, shedding tears.

One fine day, the elder's office organized a running event.

His colleagues hoped to change his mood and took the initiative to sign him up and brought him to the event.

After persevering through it, this elder completed the entire run.

Unexpectedly, it was this exhilarating run that began to change his life:

Upon reaching the finish line, he listened to his own heartbeat and felt an unprecedented sense of relaxation.

And all the negative emotions seemed to be temporarily forgotten.

From then on, he started morning runs regularly.

Day after day, he gradually emerged from the pain of losing his son, no longer feeling angry or sad all day long, and even became more emotionally stable than before.

Exercise is an efficient "spiritual detox," evaporating negative emotions along with sweat, refreshing both body and mind.

So, when you're feeling down, why not exercise? Go for a run, punch a bag, kick a ball, swim...

With the rhythmic breathing and stretching of the body, the shackles of emotions will quietly loosen, and everything will return to peace without a fuss.

Finnish scientists have conducted specialized experiments on this:

They found 10 pairs of twins and had one exercise at least twice a week, while the other one did not exercise.

Three years later, it was found that those who exercised every week had clearer thinking, and were better able to cope with stress.

To gain continuous emotional control, one must maintain a long-term exercise habit.

In this way, emotional issues can be addressed from the root.

Middle age is a time when the waves of stress are constantly rising and falling:

The oppression of setbacks in the workplace, pessimism in marriage, and helplessness in life... The waves of emotions challenge our hearts time and time again.

And exercise is the simplest way to improve cognition and manage emotions.

By constantly elevating cognition through exercise, one can truly gain the power to resist the flood of emotions.

In this way, even with the twists and turns of life, we can still find a way out.

Exercise not only heals the present gloomy mood but also provides long-lasting spiritual nourishment.

To manage your emotions through exercise, you may consider the following suggestions:

Choose exercises based on emotions to quickly dispel negativity.

Feeling angry? Try boxing.

Overwhelmed with stress? Try yoga.

Feeling impulsive? Go hiking.

Feeling sad and upset? Dive into the pool.

Maintain a long-term exercise habit to hold the key to emotions.

In addition to short-term emotional relief, making exercise a habit to thoroughly improve cognition and enhance the ability to manage emotions.

Regarding the perseverance of long-term exercise, here are some suggestions:

Exercise at least 3 times a week, each time for about 45 minutes.

Focus on aerobic training, while also incorporating strength training, ensuring a significant increase in heart rate during exercise.

Maintain enthusiasm for exercise and avoid giving up halfway. Here are a few tips to use:

a. Set gradual goals

b. Diversify exercise choices

c. Join a sports groups

Middle age is an age when life is not easy, but we must persevere.

When you encounter setbacks and are filled with sadness, go exercise.

With your head held high, sweat pouring, the haze in your heart will eventually dissipate.

When you feel anxious and stuck in inner conflicts, also go exercise.

Stretch out your arms, keep moving, and all the suppression will vanish with the wind.

When you are self-sufficient and disciplined enough, you will find that there are no hurdles that cannot be overcome and no problems that cannot be solved.

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Escaping the Comfort Zone: The Most Toxic Chicken Soup I Ever Had

As the end of the year approaches, it seems like everyone is falling into various states of confusion:

Maybe you're about to graduate, torn between the careers your family recommend and your own aspirations;

Maybe you've been working hard for years, only to find that your job no longer suits you;

Or perhaps you want to invest your energy outside of work and find a side hustle that suits you.

At times like these, it seems like everyone around you is earnestly advising:

"Staying in your comfort zone all the time will make you stagnant; only by stepping out of your comfort zone can you become a better version of yourself."

But what's the reality?

When you want to step out but lack suitable references, you can't help but feel lost and confused.

Is stepping out of the comfort zone really about going to uncomfortable places?

The more appropriate advice should be trying to continually expand our comfort zone to make more things comfortable for us.

Stepping out of the comfort zone isn't about breaking it, but about establishing and expanding more comfort zones.

Everything should be based on your own capabilities, take it easy.

As soon as you hear the word "comfort," many people's first reaction is to think it's not progressive.

"Young people should strive hard. If you don't work hard now, you'll regret it later."

"Why don't you go for a master's degree? Having a degree will make it much easier to find a job or switch jobs."

This panic of falling behind forces those who have finally caught their breath to keep busy.

Once they stumble, there are people behind them saying with a strange tone, "See, I knew it wouldn't work. I should have advised you to change earlier."

Feeling restless and wanting to relax online, what you see is:

Naturally beautiful women still doing homework every day to maintain their appearance; knowledgeable scholars tirelessly sharing study abroad opportunities; sweet couples continuously recommending items to warm up their relationships...

These groundless "appearance anxiety," "financial anxiety," and "educational anxiety" spring up like whirlpools.

So, we start desperately trying to escape our old selves.

But have you ever thought that this isn't stepping out of your comfort zone but stepping into the circle drawn by others?

Many netizens have asked, "Is choosing to stay in your comfort zone not progressive?"

Jumping around, hitting walls everywhere, she still didn't live the better life her mother wanted.

Stepping away from comfort and embracing discomfort must be the right thing to do, right?

Even if you listen to others and change your environment, what then?

For someone who doesn't like studying, even if you drag them to the library, they'll still play with their phones;

For someone who's used to living in the countryside, even if you take them to adapt to the big city, they still can't seek change.

The stupidest thing is to abandon your strengths and desperately try to compete with others in areas where you're weak, suddenly switch careers to compete with experts.

And those who advise you to step out of your comfort zone with ill intentions are just trying to make money off your anxiety.

There's absolutely no need to use the "glamorous and bright" in other people's mouths as a reference to measure your own life.

Being blindly led by others will only bury your own brilliance.

Just like for fish, stepping out of the comfort zone should be from the pond to the river, not from water to land.

What we really should do is to base everything on ourselves and take it easy.

After all, in this life, knowing who you are, what you want to do, is enough.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is a ridiculous idea.

When you're in your comfort zone, you feel like you're in control and safe;

When you're in the learning zone, you face challenges but don't feel too uncomfortable;

When you jump into the panic zone, facing things far beyond your abilities, you're very likely to collapse.

That's why truly smart people never easily step out of their comfort zone but constantly expand it.

As the saying goes, "Not everyone has to live like a warrior in life."

If you like reading and writing, there's no need to force yourself to rely on speaking to make a living;

If you like to work quietly alone, there's no need to force yourself to be sociable;

Only by forgetting about the idea of "stepping out" and trying to expand your comfort zone as much as possible, getting familiar with more and more environments, will your heart be more stable.

In this way, your life will have both relaxed pleasure and high-speed fun.

In the end, every area becomes your comfort zone.

Such a life is wonderful.

I once heard a saying:

The scariest thing for a person is to stay in one place all the time, limit their own life, and draw lines, missing out on more possibilities.

Indeed, if you stay in your comfort zone for too long, it will become a breeding ground for laziness.

But to avoid this situation, you don't necessarily have to go to extremes.

It's more like a tree, firmly rooted in the ground to withstand the storm.

Digging Deep into the Comfort Zone: Creating New Layers Around What You're Good At

I think of a friend around me.

She has worked for two well-known media companies, and then she jumped to a booming tech company.

In theory, such a woman with career planning and professional skills should continue to advance step by step and strive for better jobs in the workplace.

But two years ago, she suddenly told me that she had quit her job and planned to start her own media platform.

I asked her why, and she only said that in today's rapidly changing content landscape, she wanted to explore more possibilities related to "writing."

In hindsight, she was right and met a better version of herself in her passion.

After all the twists and turns, it's hard for a person to get rid of their talents, interests, and industry accumulations to do things.

Without talent, you can't be strong; without interests, you can't last long; without industry experience, it's impossible to make money.

Just like why a compass can draw circles, because it has its center of gravity.

Life is like drawing a circle.

Once you've determined the center, just keep going, and you'll draw a complete circle.

Expanding the Comfort Zone: Expand the Edge of the Comfort Zone Outward and Turn the Learning Zone into the Comfort Zone

So how do you gradually expand your comfort zone?

A line from a movie might inspire us—

"You have to go to a restaurant one day and order a dish you've never ordered before, eat it all, and then realize it's quite delicious."

In daily life, you might as well set aside 15% of your time and energy to try things you've never done before, understand aspects of life or ideas you've never tried to understand.

For example, buy a book you've never been interested in before, sign up for a course you've never thought of taking, accept an invitation you were planning to refuse, or actively talk to a colleague you're not very familiar with...

You don't have to force yourself to go out, just try to explore the edge of your comfort zone slowly and expand it.

It's like when a gym trainer asks students to do two more sets of exercises when they can't.

You might ask why, but actually, doing these two extra sets each time promotes the continuous tearing and growth of muscles, ultimately achieving the goal of fitness.

That's 80% comfortable and 20% boundary breakthroughs.

Once you take the first step, you'll find that it's not as terrifying as you thought.

Someone once asked about "how to step out of the comfort zone," and expert only replied with, "Why?"

Expert isn't asking for a reason, but letting the person ask himself why he want to step out of his comfort zone. Once you have an answer, you naturally know how to do it."

Indeed, the answer to this question lies within ourselves.

When you know who you are, where to go, and what to do, whether you're inside or outside the circle becomes irrelevant.

Next year, if someone advises you to step out of your comfort zone again, you can confidently reply:

"No need, I've already learned how to expand my own comfort zone."

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Beyond Kindness: The Power Play in Relations

Interpersonal relationships are the mutual connections and interactions between people, forming a complex and subtle network. In this network, our relationships with others are not solely based on our kindness and efforts towards them but are closely related to our own strength and resources. This cruel reality tells us that the power disparity in interpersonal relationships is unavoidable.

First and foremost, we need to understand the nature of interpersonal relationships. They involve a process of exchanging interests and interactions, where people constantly seek to establish connections with others for their own benefit. This establishment of connections is often based on the resources and capabilities each party possesses, rather than mere emotions. Therefore, when our strength and resources are sufficient, we have more chips to exchange benefits with others, thereby forming better interpersonal relationships.

Secondly, an individual's strength determines their position and influence in interpersonal relationships. In such relationships, power often serves as the foundation of authority. Having more resources and capabilities means we have greater authority and influence. We can attract others to establish connections with us by providing assistance, support, or opportunities. Conversely, when we rely on others, our position is relatively weaker, and we need to depend on them to obtain the benefits and resources we require.

However, this power-based interpersonal relationship does not imply that we should pursue our interests at all costs. In interpersonal relationships, we should always uphold principles of fairness, integrity, and honesty. Our strength is not only reflected in the number of chips we hold but also in our character and behavior. Only by striving for our interests through legitimate means and ways can we establish truly healthy and harmonious interpersonal relationships.

Furthermore, we should also recognize that interpersonal relationships are not one-sided; they involve mutual interaction and influence. Although our strength may be insufficient, we can compensate for our weaknesses by cooperating and assisting others. Uniting others and establishing a good network of interpersonal relationships can enhance our overall strength and resources, thus placing us in a more advantageous position within these relationships.

Lastly, we need to understand the complexity and variability of interpersonal relationships. Relationships between people are extensive and constantly changing, influenced by various factors such as interests, emotions, and ideologies. We should not solely focus on our current strength and chips but should always pay attention to and adjust our own state and attitude to adapt to the ever-changing nature of interpersonal relationships.

The brutal reality of interpersonal relationships tells us that our relationship with others is not solely determined by how good we are to them but also by our own strength and resources. We need to understand the nature of interpersonal relationships, recognize the importance of strength and resources within them, but at the same time, not overlook principles of honesty and integrity. Through cooperation and mutual assistance with others, we can compensate for our weaknesses and establish healthy, harmonious interpersonal relationships. Most importantly, we need to constantly pay attention to and adjust our own state and attitude to address the various challenges and changes in interpersonal relationships.

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Hard to Handle, Hard to Ignore: The Respect Dilemma

Have you ever had such an experience: wanting to be kind to others, speaking softly, but always being bossed around and not treated equally in return? Wanting to avoid conflict, diligently doing your own job, but constantly being suppressed and excluded? In life, not all kindness is met with kindness in return. Sometimes, the more you sacrifice yourself to accommodate others, the more you're seen as an easy target, and you're gradually pushed into a corner.

If you've experienced such situations, then I suggest you start today by being a kind but "difficult to deal with" woman. Living with edges and corners, there are times when you must stand firm.

By doing so, you're more likely to gain respect and move towards happiness.

Stick to your bottom line

There was a neighbor before, whose mother-in-law had a fierce and domineering personality. From the renovation of her son and daughter-in-law's marital home to the couple's financial situation, she had to intervene in everything.

At first, she made her son hand over his salary after getting married, claiming that young people spend money recklessly, so she would manage it for him. Then she demanded that her daughter-in-law cut ties with her own family after receiving the betrothal gifts, insisting that everything should be controlled by her family. For other people, even if they felt that the mother-in-law's demands were unreasonable, they could only passively tolerate and retreat, afraid to cause too much conflict openly.

But this daughter-in-law refused to give in. She argued based on reason, stating that she could contribute to household expenses every month, but with the pressure of mortgage and car payments, she couldn't give up her salary. As for cutting ties with her own parents, it involved her principles and bottom line, which she couldn't agree to under any circumstances.

 If the mother-in-law continued to insist, she would publicize these matters and let everyone judge. Seeing the daughter-in-law's strong attitude, the mother-in-law had no choice but to retract her demands. Later, the same situation occurred several times, and the mother-in-law no longer dared to exclude her daughter-in-law, but treated her with the respect she deserved.

In a woman's life, she inevitably faces different roles and challenges. But whether it's establishing herself in her in-laws' home or managing her marriage and life, those women who truly thrive have their own principles and bottom line, remaining neither humble nor pushy. Besides sticking to her beliefs, it's more important to convey her attitude to everyone, telling them: "I'm not easy to bully, and crossing my bottom line will come with consequences." Women like this naturally exude confidence and toughness from within, making them unassailable whether facing their in-laws or anyone else.

Dare to reject anyone who doesn't seek to please

If you carefully observe people in the workplace, you'll find that those who work tirelessly for the lowest salary in the company are always the most agreeable ones. For example, in a previous company, there were two interns with similar educational backgrounds, both diligent and responsible.

The difference was that one, let’s call her A, was timid. Every time she was asked to do something by her colleagues, she hesitated to refuse, fearing that it would affect her relationships with them. As a result, she ended up with more and more tasks, becoming busier and more chaotic, and some colleagues even resented her for helping others but not them.

In contrast, the other intern, let's call her B, remained calm and composed. Similarly asked by colleagues to take on extra tasks, she helped where she could, but firmly refused when it exceeded her capabilities, investing more time and energy into her own work.

So what do you think happened? Initially, some colleagues also had some resentment towards B, feeling that she was too arrogant. But because B had fewer miscellaneous tasks, higher efficiency, and achieved more outstanding results, the leadership appreciated her more. Seeing this, everyone began to approach her, and she became even more popular in the company.

There's an unspoken rule in human interaction: people bully the weak and fear the strong. No one will actively seek confrontation; it's easier to manipulate those who are compliant. So don't let yourself be the compliant one anymore. At any time, in any situation, respect your own needs first. 

Clearly refuse to do things you don't want to do or can't do. Don't be afraid of offending people, and don't care too much about others' opinions; being disliked is a normal part of life. But first and foremost, respect yourself, and you may earn the respect of others.

Have your own opinions

Some time ago, I received a message from a college roommate I hadn't seen in a long time: "I've been having a tough time these past few years." Upon inquiry, I learned that she was being ignored by her company, with leaders and colleagues disregarding her feelings.

During Public holiday, she was scheduled to work overtime, and she was also assigned difficult clients to handle regularly. I asked her, "Have you ever expressed your thoughts to the company?" She replied that when the leaders arranged overtime work for the National Day and asked everyone for their preferences, she was afraid of upsetting the leaders by directly refusing, so she chose to give an ambiguous reply: "I'm fine with anything, whatever you decide."

After hearing her response, I immediately understood where the problem lay. In my memory, she had always been a person without her own opinions since college. When classmates gathered for meals and asked what dishes she wanted, she would say anything was fine; when tasks were assigned for class activities, and opinions were solicited, she would say anything was okay, indifferent. Over time, people gradually stopped asking for her opinions, and she became increasingly ignored, silent and obedient, following others' lead.

To be honest, each of us is more or less like her, clearly involved in matters concerning ourselves but afraid to make decisions. Afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of making mistakes, always hoping that others will make decisions for us. 

As a result, over time, we gradually lose our own values, lose our personality, and become easily influenced by others' opinions. Those women who are difficult to deal with are the opposite. They never blindly follow others but clearly know what they want. No external disturbances can shake their inner decisions.

However, having opinions doesn't mean being aggressive or confrontational. Instead, it means having your own thoughts and judgment, respecting others' opinions but not easily being swayed by external influences. If you can do this, others won't dare to underestimate you easily. In human interactions, honesty and kindness are not enough; being too honest and too kind may even provoke the evil in human nature.

Instead, it's those who are difficult to deal with that others dare not easily offend, inadvertently avoiding many troubles for themselves. So, ladies, from now on, please deliberately cultivate the quality of being "difficult to deal with." In your interactions with others, you can be a little tough, have a bit of a temper, and appropriately show your sharpness.

Learn to defend your boundaries and maintain your viewpoints, so that you can protect yourself when necessary and live a relaxed and comfortable life.

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Unlocking Likability: The Strategy of Indifference

Each of us comes into this world hoping for a happy and fulfilling life. But life is often not as we wish, leaving us filled with fantasies. Reality and dreams are usually opposite; otherwise, they wouldn't be dreams.

As social animals, we rely on connections with different groups of people to maintain a normal life. Communication between people inevitably brings some friction, which is the basis of interpersonal relationship problems. Just as people like money, perhaps no one can replace money as something everyone likes.

It's unnecessary to always maintain enthusiasm; showing occasional indifference can be better.

Humans are emotional beings, and everyone has their own moods. We often see people around us who sacrifice themselves to please others. Perhaps we are such people ourselves, sacrificing ourselves for others at the expense of our own well-being. Many people have encountered such situations. For example, after a busy day at work, when you're already exhausted, your siblings come to you to pour out their hearts. They come seeking solace because they're upset, feeling uncomfortable inside.

And what about you?

You've already had enough grievances during the day and wanted to take some time to relax, but now you have to listen to their grievances, making yourself even more impatient. You haven't even processed your own emotions yet, but you end up helping others digest theirs, which can leave you feeling exhausted.

At a gathering, some people have already had enough to drink and shouldn't drink more, but under the encouragement of some friends, they end up toasting again. Being already drunk, they continue drinking, causing greater harm to their bodies.

People should have moments of enthusiasm, but they should also have moments of indifference; this is the normal range of human emotions. Some might argue that they see certain individuals who seem emotionally stable. So-called emotional stability is just a facade; they manage their negative emotions through other means, which only they know, and most people can't see their negative emotions.

This is a simple form of emotional management, so maintaining occasional indifference, not trying to please everyone, is essential for a good life.

Learning to ignore everyone's expectations can reduce harm.

Nobody is perfect; imperfection is the essence of life.

When a person tries to meet everyone's expectations, they end up living in great pain. For example, if you try to meet the goals set by your parents, the tasks assigned by your teachers, and the expectations of your friends, it becomes overwhelming. When you have too much on your mind, pursuing perfection, you find yourself with no time for yourself, ultimately sinking into misery. When your self-worth depends on others' approval, every look, action, or word from them may be interpreted as, "Do they not like me?" "Am I being too childish?" "Their tone doesn't sound pleased; are they unhappy with me?" Even without doing anything, you feel "emotionally exhausted" because you've acted in countless internal dramas but still can't genuinely believe in yourself.

There's a psychological term called FOPO (the fear of other people's opinions): being trapped by others' evaluations. Often, for the sake of reputation, we try to leave a good impression on others, constantly forcing ourselves to stick to our current positions. To not disappoint others' expectations, we continually push ourselves to grow quickly, to live up to the image others admire, leaving ourselves battered and bruised.

When we learn to be indifferent, others will reduce their expectations of us, and we won't carry as much pressure. In this world, no matter what you do, there will be different opinions swirling around you. So why not be the most authentic version of yourself and find a bit more happiness?

Indulging in internal conflicts is being irresponsible to oneself.

Under the control of vanity, everyone likes to present their best side to others. We get used to considering others and end up enduring pain ourselves. Little do we know, truly social individuals understand that learning to be appropriately indifferent is the key to real liberation.

I have a friend who is a supervisor at a company; he's usually warm, but sometimes seems cold and unfeeling. One time during dinner, in a lively atmosphere with food and drink, he mentioned that this was his basic principle for dealing with people every day.

In his previous job as a supervisor, his warmth often led to most tasks being left unfinished, burdening himself as his subordinates did nothing. When he came to his current company, he realized his past mistakes and adopted new social skills. He doesn't let his warmth be limitless, nor does he become a cold-hearted machine. Therefore, occasional indifference is a more balanced approach to life and work.

In conclusion, everyone likes to be appreciated and liked by others, which requires us to master certain interpersonal skills. Indirect indifference can win more affection from others. This is similar to relationships; using the same dating routine and attitude for too long can lead to boredom. Only by constantly creating a sense of freshness can love be sustained for a longer time.

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Wealth Indicators: 4 Middle-Age Milestones

As the year-end approaches, people always like to summarize the year. What have they accomplished this year, and what goals have they not yet achieved? At the beginning of the year, they are more enthusiastic about setting new goals. Regardless of whether they will take action, goals should still be set. What if they are achieved?

2024 just passed, some people lament that they haven't done anything yet, while others have reaped a lot. If you want to "restart your life" in the new year and make your future self grateful for your present self, then you need to start from this moment: refuse to slack off and plan ahead. 2025 has just begun, and how you spend it is entirely up to you.

1.Health is wealth.

A former colleague posted on social media: "In 2024, the place I visited most often was the hospital. Whether it was flu, cold, or any other virus, I caught them all. Each time, it cost me not only physical discomfort but also enough money to travel to hospital several times. So, taking care of your health is the top priority for 2025."

Many people reach middle age with little money and lots of health problems. Recently, I heard some heartbreaking news.

A cancer patient posted on online: "Hey guys, I finally found freedom." B majored in broadcasting in college but loved traveling and even obtained a tour guide license. In March 2018, she found a job at a travel agency in Shanghai. However, in July, she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. She spent the next five years fighting cancer. The family spent a lot of money on her treatment, borrowing from all their relatives. Her father even donated his bone marrow twice. In order to provide better nutrition for his daughter, her father, who couldn't cook at all, became a great cook. Finally, B's condition worsened, and despite efforts to save her, she left her parents who loved her the most.

Tomorrow and accidents, we really don't know which will come first.

All we can do is take care of ourselves while we are still healthy.

2.Beyond physical health, another important aspect is to strive to earn money.

Regardless of one's financial situation last year, in the new year, one must strive to earn money. The primary source is to excel in your main job. Recently, I chatted with a friend named Q who had recently received a promotion and a raise. She shared her experience: "There is no other way but to excel in your profession." Q was originally just a copywriter. Because she enjoyed writing and creativity, she joined her current company. At first, her copywriting didn't grab attention and she was often scolded by her superiors. But Q was tenacious. She kept studying excellent cases and summarizing the logic of successful planning cases. As a result, the number of revisions to her proposals decreased, and the number of compliments from clients increased. Finally, her efforts paid off. At the end of the year, she received a 30% increase in salary.

For most ordinary people, increasing income through their main job is still the main source. It can serve as a safety net and maintain the baseline of income. At the very least, it can rely on one's "irreplaceability" to avoid being laid off when the environment is not good. In addition, doing well in side jobs is equally important. If promotion and salary increases are difficult in middle age, then engaging in side jobs can also be a way to increase income.

3.Dealing with relationships around you: Learn to release love and also learn to let go.

Harvard conducted a 75-year study tracking 724 men and concluded that true happiness is actually a mindset that comes from within. A portion of this mindset comes from achieving self-worth, while another part comes from healthy relationships with others.

A netizen, Moon, shared a story about her aunt who was unhappy for a period of time. In her aunt's own words, she was a "woman with a tough life." As a wife, her husband often worked overtime and didn't come home. When she wanted to talk to him, he was not available, and when they did meet, they often argued.

As a mother, her son also avoided her, locking himself in his room whenever he was home, with very little communication between them. However, according to her husband and son, the situation was completely different: her husband didn't like coming home because every time he did, his wife would either nitpick at him or complain, emitting negative energy. And her son didn't like to communicate with her because his mother was not gentle and often used a serious tone to criticize him.

Later, the aunt met a family therapist. After explaining the situation at home, the therapist offered her some advice: "The reason for the coldness between family members is because they don't feel loved. As a woman in the family, you should be the lubricant. From today onwards, learn to release love to those around you. Start with praising your husband and caring for your children."

After listening to the therapist's advice, the aunt went home and actively shared interesting things that happened during the day with her husband and gently called her son to dinner in the evening. After some time, she noticed a change in the atmosphere at home. Her husband started coming home more often, and her son enjoyed talking to her. Relationships between people are dynamic. If you act rigidly, you will receive indifference, but if you give warmth, you will receive love. And when we start to change, the relationships around us will change too.

There was a post about a friend who always poured cold water on her. She distanced herself from this friend. Much later, when asked why she no longer contacted her, she said, "I can't change her personality, so I had to change the relationship between us." There's a saying I agree with: "The secret to happiness is to place yourself in healthy relationships."

In 2025, try to assess the relationships around you. Cherish those who care about you, and bravely distance yourself from those who make you unhappy.

4.Never stop reading, traveling, and exercising.

"A person not only has this life but also should have a poetic world." Beyond material life, we also need to enrich our spirits. In doing so, boredom becomes interesting.

Reading and traveling are the best choices for enriching the spirit. Reading is a journey of the mind, and traveling is reading for the body. A friend named C always seems full of energy, and someone asked her for the secret to her zest for life. She said, "There's no other reason than having an escape route." While at work, she feels drained and frustrated like everyone else, but when the weekend comes, she either stays at home and reads all morning or flies to another city for the weekend. Just the thought of going to see the snowy mountains sweeps away her worries.

Every time she returns from a trip, the energy she brings back is enough to sustain her for a long time.

And if you really can't find a hobby, why not try exercising?

V is a running enthusiast who once shared his experience in a book. In 2005, he was diagnosed with diabetes. The doctor told him, "Diabetes is incurable. You need to take medication for the rest of your life or rely on insulin." After hearing this news, he became depressed and even developed depression.

At the lowest point, a friend advised him to go out, take a walk, run, and breathe fresh air. With a try-it-out attitude, V insisted on going to the nearby park for a few steps every day. After six months, not only did his weight decrease, but he also no longer needed to take medication. He himself exclaimed: Running completely changed my life.

If you feel that your life is a mess right now, consider sticking to exercise for a while. Even if it doesn't solve all your problems, at least it can change your mental state.

"There are three things in life that cannot be saved. The first is reading, the second is traveling, and the third is exercising." I strongly agree with this. Besides work, one should always have something to rely on spiritually, even if it's just something small like running.

In 2025, in addition to working hard, make sure to enrich your spirit. It could be learning a new skill or cultivating a hobby. Both the body and the soul should be on the move. Life can indeed be designed. No matter what hand you were dealt initially, without planning, life is like a pile of sand. But with clear plans and specific actions, life can be aggregated into a tower, allowing you to go further.

In the new year, if you want to restart your life and change yourself, you must adhere to self-discipline and never be lazy or give up. Keep healthy. Physical health is paramount. Even if other goals are not achieved, being healthy and free from illness, with all health indicators in order, is already commendable.

Work hard and earn money. Whenever possible, maintain your ability to work and earn money. This is the capital for adults to settle down.

Handle relationships with those around you. Learn to love others and let yourself be loved, placing yourself in healthy relationships and staying away from relationships that drain you.

Enrich yourself. If you have no money, read more; if you have money, travel more. Not only can this broaden your horizons, but it can also enrich your soul.

"A day's labor is a day's wage; persistence brings success."

The process of transformation may be difficult, but the fruits will be sweet.

What are your goals or plans for 2025? Feel free to share them in the comments, and next year on this day, we'll check back together.

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Six Habits to Thrive in the New Year

In life, happiness and sorrow coexist; joy and sadness walk hand in hand. No one's life is completely smooth sailing. However, we must believe that the current difficulties will pass, and what lies ahead in our future will be joy and happiness. In the new year, each of us should care more about ourselves. Starting with small things and making the best use of the present is the best way to make life more beautiful. Today, I'm sharing six good habits to help us embrace the new year and live a more fulfilling life.

1.Think Less

People without anxiety aren't without it because they are solving the problems causing anxiety. The most effective way to eliminate anxiety is quite simple: to immediately do what causes your anxiety. Often, the more you think, the more anxious you become. No matter how big the problems in life, excessive worry only makes the situation worse. Life presents challenges; everyone faces various pressures. In the New Year, what we truly need to do is to reduce our worries and take more practical action. Remember, the true way to change things is through practical action.

2.Be Optimistic in Everything

If a person's heart is filled with clouds of worry, life will inevitably be full of obstacles. If you live with negative emotions, not only will you feel unhappy, but you won't be able to have a positive impact on others. Worries come from within. To live comfortably, one must positively interpret and understand life. We have many choices in life. To stay optimistic, realize that many people in the world face greater difficulties than you. Face life with a mindset that 'as problems arise, solutions arise', then every day will be filled with beautiful scenes.

3.Find Happiness in Life

In life's journey, there's an endless stream of tasks. If your heart is full of anxiety, happiness will stay far away. When feeling exhausted, stop and take a break. Everyone faces difficulties and grievances; continuous tension will undoubtedly rob life of its joy. The writer Gogol once said, "Happiness prolongs life." Happiness is the vitality of body and mind, hope and belief, confidence in the present and future, and faith in all progress. No matter the situation, with a happy attitude, life will become more fulfilling.

4.Follow a Regular Diet

Food plays a crucial role in life. In daily diet, the balance between meat and vegetables is crucial, with more fresh vegetables. Many health experts also advise: "Eat well for breakfast, eat until you're full for lunch, eat less for dinner." Oily foods and irregular eating habits are not good for health. Reduce meat intake, eat more vegetables, and keep food consumption to about 70% full.

5.Work Diligently

"Life doesn't have too late a start; it's just too lazy to fulfil it." Laziness will consume a person's willpower and enthusiasm, leading to inaction and feelings of defeat. No matter what you do, it doesn't depend on timing, but on whether you are willing to put in the effort. In the new year, working diligently and completing the tasks assigned by your superiors will not only help you earn more but also earn recognition from your boss. Those who are too lazy will find it difficult to lead a good life. If you want to live better, in the new year, make sure to be proactive.

6.Exercise a Little More

We all know the benefits of exercise, but very few actually put it into action. Many people believe that exercise will make them tired; hence they refuse to do it. But perhaps you're not aware that not exercising will make you more tired. People who rarely exercise feel back pain after doing physical activities and feel out of breath after walking a bit. These are signs of a lack of exercise. In the new year, don't hesitate anymore. Start now and create an exercise plan for yourself. By persisting in exercising, you will have a healthy body. Only with good health can life be more beautiful. Time can't be reversed, and moments can't be stopped. I hope in the days ahead, you will strive forward. Let's start with these small habits and shape a brand new self.

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The Middle Ages: Unlocking Life's Most Magnificent Chapter

Middle age usually refers to the midpoint in a person's life, roughly between 35 and 55 years old. This stage is often a period of experiencing various changes and challenges in both career and personal life. Some people consider middle age as the golden period of life because individuals might have established a career; possess some economic stability and family life, while also maintaining a certain level of energy and ambitions.

During the middle age phase, individuals might have more experience and wisdom, with more resources and opportunities to pursue personal goals. However, some responsibilities and pressures may increase, particularly from family, career, and financial aspects.

While some might feel content and balanced due to the maturity and stability of this phase, it's not the case for everyone. Each person's feelings and experiences of middle age vary due to the diversity of individual life circumstances and experiences.

During middle age, some individuals might re-evaluate their life goals and values, potentially reconfiguring their path, seeking more meaning and fulfilment. This period can also be a crucial stage for personal growth and development, prompting positive changes in their mental and physical health and lifestyle.

Reasonableness and understanding

Individuals likely have learned much from life and career experiences, leading to emotional and intellectual maturity. This maturity helps them better cope with daily life challenges and more rationally handle conflicts and issues.

During middle age, people generally comprehend and respect the feelings of others more, feeling a heightened sense of responsibility, considering family and society more. Their actions are more measured and deliberate to ensure their decisions and actions align with logic and reason. This trait of reasonableness makes them more adept at communicating, negotiating, and problem-solving in social and interpersonal relationships.

Moreover, middle-aged individuals might have more control and understanding of their emotions and feelings, aiding them in better balancing the various emotional challenges in life. This balanced approach of rationality and emotions typically helps maintain a stable and mature role within both work and family life.

Improve Skills

Middle age is often seen as a crucial stage in life, where people seek balance and strive to deal with various challenges. During this phase, individuals may have more responsibilities, including work, family, and social relationships. Improving skills can involve continually learning new skills, enhancing professional knowledge, and improving skill levels to adapt to the ever-changing environment. This may include expanding knowledge through educational courses, work experiences, and self-directed learning to enhance performance in the workplace.

In middle age, individuals might realize the need to continuously adapt to new technologies, trends, and changing workplace requirements. This indicates the necessity for lifelong learning and constant skill improvement to adapt to the evolving social and professional environment. Through ongoing learning and the development of new skills, an individual can attain greater success in their career. This might involve professional development, lifelong learning, and exploring new fields. Skill enhancement can provide better job opportunities, increase work efficiency, and improve job satisfaction. Additionally, it better prepares individuals to meet the rapidly changing demands of the workplace.

Moreover, improving skills also aids in personal development. It enhances confidence and helps to better understand personal interests and goals. Through continuous learning, an individual can develop their hobbies, improve social abilities, enhance creativity, and prepare for future challenges.

Overall, improving skills is a positive life attitude and a crucial approach to improving abilities in middle age to cope with life's challenges and changes. It also bestows greater confidence upon middle-aged individuals, enabling them to better navigate their career challenges and remain competitive in a fiercely competitive market.

Emotional Control

Emotional control is particularly critical during middle age. This phase might face challenges from career, family, and personal pressures, hence achieving emotional balance and management becomes vital. Managing emotions not only helps to handle stress but also enhances personal mental health and the quality of life for those around us.

Emotional management involves learning to recognize one's emotions and employing positive ways to deal with them. This might include seeking professional help, learning relaxation techniques, or using exercise to relieve stress. Developing positive emotional management skills can heighten self-awareness, promote inner calmness, improve relationships, and assist in better handling challenges and stress.

During middle age, emotional management also fortifies family relationships. Dealing with various pressures in the family, knowing how to control emotions can improve communication with partners and children, uplifting the overall family atmosphere.

Whether facing career challenges, family stress, or personal growth needs, more emotional intelligence is required. Emotional stability and handling methods become vital during this phase.

Emotional control entails understanding one's emotions, managing emotional fluctuations, and not allowing emotions to influence one when facing challenges. The key components include:

1. Emotion Recognition: Identifying emotions is fundamental to emotional intelligence. Understanding what emotions are and recognizing the situations that trigger specific emotions is crucial.
2. Emotional Management: Learning not to let negative emotions control oneself; this can be achieved through practices like meditation, relaxation, physical exercise, etc., to adjust one's emotional state.
3. Self-Control: Rational thinking is more important than emotional decisions in controlling emotions. Managing impulses and emotional outbursts is vital for maintaining calmness and rationality.
4. Communication Skills: Expressing one's emotions through effective communication while learning to listen and understand others' emotions.
5. Stress Management: Acquiring the skills to handle stress and finding suitable ways to de-stress, such as physical exercise, music, art, or engaging with family and friends.
6. Positive Mindset: Cultivating a positive way of thinking is crucial when facing challenges as it assists in approaching problems with greater optimism.
7. Professional Help: Seeking professional psychological counselling might be a beneficial choice when emotions are challenging to control or emotional issues arise.

Mastering emotional control requires continuous practice and self-reflection. Not only does it improve life quality, but it also enhances the performance of middle-aged individuals in their work, family, and social relationships.

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