You've probably heard the saying that all efforts in life result in either being laughed at or being effective. The ultimate outcome depends on how you manage things. Over the past few years, there have been increasing stories about interpersonal relationships. Some relationships, when managed well, become lifelong friendships; others, when mishandled, become the subject of ridicule.
When it comes to interacting with
others, what principles should we adhere to? What boundaries should we
maintain? Here are a few key points that we mustn't overlook:
1. Ignore Unnotified Events:
Be smart about it. Regardless of what's
happening in someone else's family, if they haven't informed you, just pretend
you don't know. And afterward, don't inquire about it either. Why?
A friend once shared a story. When he was young, he used to mingle in circles whether or not he was invited. He'd eagerly join friends for dinners or family gatherings, whether formally invited or not. One time, he happened to run into some friends who were quietly planning a barbecue. They didn't intend to make a big deal out of it, but he tagged along anyway. "I still remember the looks on their faces when they saw me. The table fell silent. They looked at me in surprise, and I innocently looked back at them."
That meal was excruciatingly uncomfortable for him. He sensed that the people around him had something they wanted to say. But upon seeing him, they chose polite smiles instead.
That experience made him realize: in
interpersonal relationships, if someone doesn't inform you about an event, it
means either you're not close enough or you shouldn't be attending that
gathering. If you attend out of mere curiosity, you'll end up not only embarrassing
yourself but also the host.
Of course, there's one exception to this
social principle, as we often say: "Attend joyous events (weddings) only when invited; attend non-joyous events (funerals) even when not invited."
The most crucial aspect of interpersonal
relationships is knowing when to attend which events, and when not to. That's
the discretion expected of an adult. Remember, a smart person's strength lies
in their intellect. Often, controlling the situation also means understanding
the boundaries and limits of interpersonal relationships.
2. Refrain from Arguing:
Different perspectives don't always
necessitate debate. Have you ever wondered what it's like to communicate with
someone who lacks understanding? Someone answered that communicating with such
a person is distinctively tiresome because they want to argue against every
word you say.
Their mantra is, "No, that's not it!" You might think they'll bring new insights, but upon closer examination, you realize they're just paraphrasing what you've said or arguing for the sake of it, lacking substantial evidence.
Some people have "refutational
personalities." They share a common trait: no matter how logical your
argument, they'll oppose it with a few counterarguments. "No, that's not
it!" is their eternal opening line. The most effective way to deal with them
is to swiftly end the conversation when they start arguing.
Remember: it's wise to speak less in
different positions. With differing understandings, it's best to avoid
arguments altogether. Effortlessly restraining the urge to argue ensures a
sense of propriety in interpersonal relationships.
3. Moderate Enthusiasm for New Acquaintances:
Instantly revealing your inner thoughts
to someone is far from ideal. Innocence is a virtue, but in today's world, it's
often mistaken for a lack of decorum. We can express ourselves appropriately,
but remember not to overdo it.
One friend had a very outgoing
personality and was very warm towards everyone she met. People around her liked
her and saw her as a ray of sunshine. However, such relationships didn't last
long; it was rumored that she had fallen out with those around her.
The reason lay solely in her
talkativeness. She never paid attention to the closeness of relationships while
conversing. Whether with strangers or close friends, she would chatter
endlessly whenever she met someone. Whether discussing her family's affairs or
friends' private matters, she would talk non-stop. Little did she know, such
behavior would make listeners feel pressured or insecure. Over time, those
around her gradually realized that to avoid becoming the subject of gossip, the
best thing to do was to keep their distance from her. Consequently, fewer and
fewer people were willing to be her friends.
In social interactions,
"oversharing" has always been a major taboo. Sometimes what you perceive
as genuine might be viewed as low emotional intelligence by others. Remember,
between individuals, there are many topics that can only be discussed with
specific individuals. Don't reveal too much too soon just because you feel a
connection. And never bare your soul just because you're feeling impulsive.
Smart individuals understand that with
new acquaintances, it's fine to talk about the weather, movies, or celebrities.
But refrain from discussing yourself or others' private matters.
The art of getting along isn't about
instantly becoming bosom buddies. It's about understanding the limits of social
interaction, gradually deepening connections, which ultimately fosters better
relationships.
4. Avoid Making Decisions for Others:
Have you encountered people like this in
your life? They're domineering and always love giving advice to others. It's
fine if they're capable. But if their advice isn't genuinely helpful due to
their lack of competence, it could hasten the breakdown of relationships.
I once watched a video. A girl went to
her best friend's house to vent, complaining about how difficult her job was.
She felt like her boss was deliberately making things hard for her, giving her
all the dirty and tiring work, but come bonus time, she got nothing. "I
don't want to do it anymore. I'm exhausted. I want to quit," she lamented.
Listening to the girl's endless
grievances, her best friend joined in the complaining, saying that if things
were that bad, she should quit and assured her, "Don't worry, resign. I
have a friend whose company is currently short of people; I'll recommend
you." The girl perked up at the suggestion, ignoring the specifics of the
job her friend recommended, and resigned the next day.
However, the available position didn't
match her work experience; the clerical job she was qualified for had already
been filled, leaving only a receptionist vacancy. Pressured by next month's
rent and credit card bills, she reluctantly accepted the job. Barely two weeks
into the job, she went back to her friend to complain, tinged with accusation:
"Look at the job you recommended. It's just making tea, handling
deliveries every day!" "It's worse than my previous job!"
In a few words, her friend's heart sank,
and their once amicable friendship was ruined. One golden rule of social
relationships is this: never make decisions for others for free. While you
might think, "What's wrong with helping a good friend?" in their
eyes, from the moment you utter those words, you're fully responsible for that
decision. If your decision doesn't improve their situation, you become the
culprit.
Remember, we can never truly empathize
with someone else's situation, nor can we feel their current emotions. Making
decisions for others without their consent is an overstep. In the end, it's
likely to do more harm than good. If it succeeds, the other person might not
even remember you; if it fails, you're definitely at fault.
Why bother?
Human interactions inevitably have many
passionate moments. But the more passionate the moment, the more critical it is
to understand that no matter how much you want to connect with the other person
at that moment, you must keep a cool head. This isn't just self-preservation;
it's fundamental to how we navigate the world. Of course, after all this
discussion, it doesn't mean I'm suggesting you should stop socializing
altogether.
"Socializing" is merely a
tool. When used effectively, everyone benefits, and you can achieve a lot with
a little. So, don't worry about complex rules, and don't fear difficult
situations. Although humans are insignificant, they can learn, improve
themselves, and grow. The value of humanity lies within itself. Life is a
journey, with each step revealing new scenery and insights.
Read Also:
Unlocking Likability: The Strategy of Indifference
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