Beyond Dinner: Showing True Appreciation

In the bustling society, everyone encounters benefactors to varying degrees.

Among them are those who pull us out of life's quagmire, and some help us dispel the fog before our eyes.

To repay kindness, we usually choose to treat them to a meal or give gifts.

But do those who are capable of helping us really care about a meal or a gift?

Undoubtedly, the answer is no, just as the saying goes:

"A good meal can be measured by money, but kindness cannot be compared, nor can it be fully repaid."

The rarest thing in kindness is not the kindness of others but the warmth within it, because the other party is under no obligation.

If you repay casually, you are underestimating this sentiment.

For those who have shown kindness to you, stop repaying them with meals or gifts, and consider learning these three ways:

01 On rainy days, hold an umbrella for them.

A's company had just started to thrive not long ago when a college student named C, recommended by his older brother, came to work at A's company.

A let C choose the position he liked. C was an IT major, and he wanted to apply his expertise, so he proposed connecting the company to the international network, which required a budget.

However, it was the 1990s, and there were still few companies using computers. Moreover, C had just graduated from college and had no work experience. Even A's brother thought he was crazy, and the company's finances were not optimistic.

But A decisively agreed and set up a separate department for C, providing him with sufficient budget.

In fact, A didn't understand the internet or computers, but he chose to trust C.

Later, when C encountered a bottleneck in developing another new technology due to insufficient funds, he had no choice but to turn to A again.

This time, the amount of money needed was relatively large, and the company's finance and others thought C was asking for too much. Only A firmly believed in C.

With the support of this funding, C quickly developed the new technology and signed a large contract with a well-known German company.

Just as C's career was beginning to take off, A's company encountered a financial crisis.

When C learned about it, he hurriedly returned from Germany, disregarding the time difference, and came to A's office, saying he would bring all the money over.

A was surprised to hear this. He knew that the internet project was C's dream, so he said:

"In my heart, I've been thinking for a long time, who would be the first person to send me money? I thought of many people, but I didn't expect it to be you."

C replied, "When I was in my most difficult times, it was you who believed in me, so no matter what difficulties you are facing now, I will do my best to help you."

Everyone experiences times when they forget to bring an umbrella on rainy days, and it's the perfect opportunity to repay kindness, especially by holding an umbrella for them on rainy days.

"Sending charcoal in snowy weather is valuable because few people truly do it."

Most people's repayment of kindness only stays on the surface, with a simple "Let me know if you need anything" or "I'll definitely repay you in the future."

There are very few people who truly take action, and it's precisely because they are rare that they strike a chord in people's hearts.

When they save you at a critical moment, and you help them in times of trouble, this is the perfect completion of friendship.

02 On sunny days, give them applause.

A netizen once expressed his feelings unintentionally, saying:

"The most helpless thing is when others help you, but you can't help them back. Over time, you feel inferior."

Indeed, for those who are grateful, being unable to repay is painful.

We often feel that if someone extends a helping hand to us, we should repay them in the same way.

However, many times, kindness cannot be exchanged equally, even if you have the intention, you may not have the ability or opportunity.

But being unable to help does not mean there is no way to repay.

There are many ways to express gratitude. Even if you cannot hold an umbrella for them on rainy days, at least you can applaud for them on sunny days.

At the 16th Shanghai International Film Festival, Andy Lau solemnly thanked someone in front of many celebrities.

That person was director Tsui Hark.

Andy Lau said that he had only worked with Tsui Hark once, but Tsui Hark had brought him great gains and influence.

Through his collaboration with Tsui Hark, Andy Lau truly learned how to act, how to choose scripts that he liked and audiences liked.

At the same time, Tsui Hark also taught Andy Lau to see the world from another perspective, broadening Andy Lau's cinematic horizons.

Andy Lau openly expressed his gratitude to Tsui Hark for his guidance. When it was announced that Tsui Hark was the recipient of the "Outstanding Contribution to Chinese Cinema Award," Andy Lau immediately walked up, bent down to hug Tsui Hark, and then quietly stepped aside to applaud for Tsui Hark.

Andy Lau integrated his gratitude to Tsui Hark into his admiration and applause, which was indeed a sincere way of expressing gratitude.

In real life, those who can help us are often more capable and outstanding than us.

In their world, sunny days are always more frequent than rainy days, and applauding them during their shining moments is also a heartfelt gesture.

Although the world is never short of those who add flowers to the brocade, sincere support is equally precious.

As the saying goes, "Sincerity is always the killer move."

Repayment doesn't have to be intense; it just needs to be sincere.

People have a heart to repay. Even a simple thank you, a congratulatory word can convey the gratitude in one's heart.

On sunny days, when the sun is shining brightly, coupled with the blooming flowers, it makes for a beautiful story.

03 On cloudy days, visit them often.

Life is like winter weather; there are few rainy and sunny days, and more often, it's just plain cloudy.

The more ordinary the days, the more they test true feelings, after all, time can easily disperse everything.

A doctor once shared her experience.

She was born in a rural area and has suffered from severe hereditary diabetes since childhood. Therefore, she decided to study medicine in college.

When she was in college, she didn't want her classmates to pity her or look down on her, so she didn't tell anyone about her diabetes.

Therefore, she often went to the hospital to get medicine by herself, then secretly hid in the restroom to inject insulin.

Once when she went to the hospital to get medicine, she happened to meet her professor.

Under the professor's inquiry, she revealed the fact that she had diabetes. She thought the professor would inform the school.

Unexpectedly, not only did the professor not mention it to anyone, thus protecting her privacy, but he also consciously or unconsciously took care of her.

The professor knew that her family conditions were not very good, and she needed to continue taking medicine, so he proactively applied for scholarships and financial aid for her.

Sometimes, the professor would also help her do some projects to earn some subsidies or give her some things to adjust her insulin.

From undergraduate to graduate school, whether it was academics or life, the professor helped her a lot.

She was very grateful to the professor in her heart, but she knew that the professor was not lacking materially, so she had never formally repaid him.

But on holidays, she would go to see the professor and his wife, report her situation, and chat with them.

Later, when she encountered difficult medical cases at work, she would consult the professor, and he would always give his opinion without reservation.

She knew that the professor and his wife liked to go to the park, so when she had free time, she would accompany them to walk in the park and take photos with them.

She said:

"Every time I see the professor and his wife smiling happily, I feel warm in my heart.

Although the professor and I initially bonded over his kindness, after many years of interaction, it has long surpassed the original kindness and now feels more like family.

Kindness is often just the starting point of fate.

Daily care is the most heartwarming, and good relationships cannot do without the witness of daily life.

"Relationships, you have to keep moving; the more you move, the more entangled they become, and the more entangled you become, the harder it is to extricate yourself."

Always being able to distinguish between you, me, and him is key to maintaining a sense of distance.

For those with good intentions who have never asked for your repayment, remembering their kindness and visiting them often in ordinary times is already sufficient.

Repayment doesn't require immediate courage; steady effort demonstrates deep affection.

If you want to repay someone, why not use a grateful heart to add warmth to ordinary days and elevate fleeting encounters into lasting relationships.

04 Whether you are mediocre or not, as long as you have a heart, you can always find a suitable way to repay.

Whether it's holding an umbrella on rainy days or applauding on sunny days, or even chatting about everyday life on cloudy days, your efforts to repay are all touching.

"The meaning of life lies in the illumination between people."

Born into loneliness, it is the kindness from others that allows us to feel the warmth of the world.

By continuing this warmth, becoming a light in each other's lives, kindness fulfills its mission.

In this world, nothing is more precious than genuine affection. When others show righteousness, respond with kindness, and fulfill the bonds of fate, you won't regret it!

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Being Simple

In this complex world, we often pursue profound and intricate concepts and convoluted methods. However, in many aspects of life, if we understand the power of simplicity, perhaps we can do better.

I've found that I can't do multiple things at once. When I have too many things on my plate, I often don't do well, which is a kind of foolishness. My personality is suited to doing one thing simply and consistently, and this feeling has grown stronger in recent years. At 40, life is just beginning, or rather, truly beginning. Before the age of 40, I was examining myself, taking all sorts of tests about life. Testing my likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, the light and dark within me, my ability to handle stress, and testing the inner self that I thought I understood but was often misunderstood. The answers from the tests are increasingly inclined towards simplicity.

Doing one thing simply allows me to stay focused. A simple living space, simple social interactions, and so on. Simplicity is a philosophical undertone in my heart, it allows my life to approach purity.

I often find myself unable to adapt to and rejecting complexity. I am a person with unstable inner qualities. I become like those I'm with, my inner qualities tend to converge with theirs. When I'm with people who like to show off, I also become more inclined to show off. When I'm with people who are more gentle, I also become gentler. Sometimes, I become better in crowds, but it's rare. I often find myself becoming worse, at least my inner qualities are no better than when I'm alone.

If I realize that being with someone brings out the worst qualities in me, such as selfishness, jealousy, hypocrisy, prejudice, fickleness, etc., I will quickly distance myself from them, reduce contact ruthlessly, or even naturally end the relationship. I hate the way I am when I'm with them.

I'm like a playful little lamb, unwilling to follow the flock towards that hillside, because in my heart flows the ripples of a stream. You may find the hillside lush, but I find the stream sweet. I choose to run happily towards the stream.

What I'm writing here is all personal insights. If you find that I belong to a category of people you dislike, then you'd better stay away from me. Not every blogger on the internet with followers is worth following. We should make some evaluations, examining the performances of others, as well as examining our own hearts. If you happen to agree with these views, it means that our spiritual undertones are somewhat similar, which is quite rare. Some people may never find the similarities between each other even if they spend their entire lives together.

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"Laziness is your body's best signal."

In life, I've found that many people who aren't doing well often encounter this dilemma: they have many ideas, but their motivation always lags behind. They often have many things they want to do, always ambitious and making many plans, but in the end, they fail to complete them for various reasons. Over time, people become frustrated and lack confidence. Some even feel like they're just lazy, destined to waste their lives. In fact, motivation is the key factor that sets people apart. On a smaller scale, it affects the achievement of one or two things; on a larger scale, if motivation cannot keep up in the long run, people will develop self-doubt and become more self-conscious and withdrawn in the face of repeated setbacks. We usually think that the strength of motivation depends on willpower and perseverance, and those without motivation are simply lazy.

But in psychology, the key to improving motivation lies in building good relationships, which involves two aspects:

1. Relationship with tasks;

2. Relationship with oneself. A person who always lacks motivation may not necessarily have a problem with themselves but because they haven't built good relationships.

1.Relationship with tasks: Why do you want to change?

"Building good relationships" may sound abstract at first, but it's actually closely related to our lives. I once had an interesting job: providing psychological support for people trying to lose weight. In my daily work, I needed to understand their emotional state, progress in weight loss, and effectiveness, etc. After a while, I found that I had inadvertently acquired a skill: predicting whether someone would succeed in losing weight (with an accuracy rate of about 80%). I didn't need to know their physical indicators but to understand their motivations for losing weight. I would ask everyone the same question: what happened that made you decide to lose weight? Different answers reflect different understandings of weight loss. The first two types of people have the shallowest understanding of weight loss and are just making impulsive decisions. This means that there is only a weak connection between them and the goal of "losing weight," and the motivation they can stimulate is also very limited. So, it's easy to become enthusiastic for a short time, but once the initial excitement wears off, it becomes difficult to have motivation again. The third situation is slightly better. Some older friends who are in poor health often suffer from illness and hope to lose weight to become healthy and reduce pain. This means that their connection with "losing weight" will be deeper, and they will have more motivation to keep going. Therefore, even though their metabolism is lower and losing weight is more difficult, because their motivation is stronger, their motivation is also stronger, and they are more likely to succeed. Of course, this motivation is still not the highest, after all, they are urged to lose weight by a doctor. However, it's easy to see that the degree of motivation shown by different degrees of connection with the goal will be completely different.

2.The strongest motivation comes from the deepest relationships

In fact, weight loss is like a metaphor for many things in life. We often make many plans, such as reading, taking exams, going to bed and getting up early, eating a balanced diet, learning new skills, etc. Everyone knows that these things are "good" and worth doing, but when it comes to action, they find themselves with more will than strength. That's because the understanding of "good" at this time only stays at the level of the mind and lacks experience. Conversely, when a person has a deep understanding and experience of what they are doing, they can generate tremendous motivation.

Once, I met a lady named Lee, who showed amazing execution in losing weight. In her past life, she had always been chubby and had never seriously tried to lose weight. But after starting a strict exercise and diet plan, she hardly ever missed a day and rarely complained. I was curious why she was so good at it, so Lee shared her experience with me. All along, her attitude towards life had been perfunctory; she just got by at work, wasn't invested in relationships, and handled conflicts with her boyfriend coldly. She never thought there would be any problem with this. Until last year, she was suddenly fired from her job and broke up. The two blows struck her suddenly like lightning, and she realized the problem and felt unprecedented pain. Lee wanted to change, but she felt powerless and felt a huge sense of powerlessness and loss of control. Just when she was feeling hopeless, she accidentally ran into a high school friend she hadn't seen in years. In her memory, her friend was just like her, chubby, timid, and lacking in confidence. But now, her friend had almost completely changed. Not only had she become thinner, but she also seemed confident in her speech and demeanor, appearing poised and confident in everything she did. Lee deeply admired her friend's state, and her friend shared how she had changed little by little. Lee listened intently and also had a thought in her heart: maybe I can change myself and take control of my life. Not long after, Lee celebrated her 30th birthday and made a wish: to change herself and take back control of her life. One of the first things she did was to take control of her weight. For Lee, losing weight was not just about becoming beautiful and healthy, but also about helping herself overcome the anxiety of losing control and regain confidence. Therefore, she had an extremely deep connection with the goal of losing weight, which naturally kept her motivated. Lee’s state has since improved, making others envious. So, is it certain that as long as you establish a deep relationship with what you are doing, you can persist? Not necessarily.

Because there is another influencing factor: the relationship with oneself.

3.Relationship with oneself: Is change motivated by "self-love" or "self-hatred"?

Observing those around you, you will find that many people are indeed determined to do something but still procrastinate or even give up halfway. The reason is that they often do things in a state of "self-hatred." You may feel puzzled: isn't growth and change about making oneself better, isn't it "self-love"? Not necessarily! Sharing a personal experience: At the end of last year, I resumed my habit of running, but before that, I had procrastinated on running for almost half a year. I often encountered situations where I would set my alarm clock the night before to remind myself to get up early to run, but the next day, I often woke up but didn't want to get out of bed. Or, I would finally go out, but after running for less than 10 minutes, I wanted to give up. Why would this happen? Later, I realized that it was because I would set a series of invisible high goals for myself, such as: I must start running at 6:30; I must run more than 3 kilometers continuously; I can't run too slowly... These goals may seem ordinary, but for someone like me who was used to sleeping late and hadn't exercised for a long time, they were actually quite difficult. Why would I set such high goals? Later, I realized a deeper truth: because I didn't like myself. During that time, I was very dissatisfied with myself, thinking that I was performing poorly in all aspects of work and life. Therefore, I hated to see this annoying self and wanted to change immediately. Therefore, when setting goals, I wasn't considering whether the goal could be achieved but was immersed in a state of self-disgust, setting unrealistic goals. Deep down, I would think: only by reaching such high standards can I prove that I'm not bad, and only then can I be satisfied with myself. However, unrealistic goals only bring continuous setbacks. I would become irritated by small things. For example, if I woke up late or ran slowly, I would judge and deny myself: "Why am I so bad!" And the subconscious mind tends to seek benefit and avoid harm. When running each time meant enduring the pain of criticism, unconsciously, I would become procrastinated. After all, as long as I didn't do it, I wouldn't have to face the bloody setbacks. Therefore, in an atmosphere of self-disgust, people are destined to become exhausted when doing things, and naturally, motivation will decrease.

4.When motivation is lacking, it is even more important to love oneself

Indeed, when changing, people often have both feelings of "self-love" and "self-hatred," but be careful not to let the latter dominate. Careful observation will reveal that many people seemingly set positive and upward growth goals, but many of them are venting their dissatisfaction with themselves by setting high goals. For example, some people change their profile pictures to "won't change until I lose ten pounds," or make a New Year's resolution to "read a book a week"... These goals not only are difficult to achieve, leading to self-doubt, but they also disrupt the rhythm of action. And many people are addicted to self-blame because of the influence of wrong ideas, thinking that the more cruel and demanding they are to themselves, the better they will become. But that's not true. While self-blame can sometimes generate short-term motivation, fundamentally, it's a state of being hostile to oneself, which only consumes energy in self-struggle. Therefore, to obtain sustainable motivation, we need to change our relationship with ourselves. Later, through continuous awareness and adjustment, I redeveloped the habit of running and summarized three steps. If you encounter similar difficulties, you may want to try it.

a.See the real self

Bad relationships often stick to "as I wish," while good relationships accept things "as they are." The former disregards the actual situation and focuses solely on that ideal goal, while the latter sees and accepts the true self. I remind myself: although life may not be going well right now, and I haven't exercised in a long time, planning to start moving now is already good. It's inevitable that I can't run or run slowly at this time. When I think like this, my self-blame decreases, and I can see a few things about myself that are worthy of praise. In fact, everyone is like this. Behind the dissatisfaction with oneself also means that we are in a trough, and the difficulty of change is the greatest at this time. But we are still determined to salvage ourselves, and this intention alone is worthy of affirmation and recognition. When we can realize this, self-acceptance will increase, and the insistence on high goals will decrease.

Lower the goal and rebuild the "relationship" I remind myself: now, my main task is to reduce psychological burden and find a way to make running a less stressful activity for me. So, I readjusted the goal of running, focusing not on how fast or how far to run but setting a minimum standard: to go out. As long as I run, I achieve my goal, and that is a victory. Therefore, my stress was minimized, and I successfully turned running into a habit. Actually, when you find it difficult to act, you might as well lower the standard, get yourself moving, and continue before there's a chance for progress.

b.The worse the performance, the more support you need for yourself

Later, when my running state recovered, I could run more than 8 kilometers each time, and my requirements for myself also unknowingly increased. But once, perhaps because my condition was really bad, it took me 30 minutes to "run" just 3 kilometers. This is a very slow pace, and at first, I felt embarrassed and didn't want to post on social media. But then I realized: am I running to prove it to others? Of course not, I'm doing it for myself. At the same time, even if I perform poorly, I accept this imperfect self. When I think like this, I don't feel defeated but feel a kind of power connected to myself. I am no longer an enemy with myself but a friend fighting side by side.

In conclusion

Actually, when you find yourself always having the will but lacking the strength, don't rush to doubt or deny yourself. Those things that have shallow connections with yourself don't have to be forced, try doing goals that you are more willing to do first. And on the road to growth, everyone will have moments of poor performance. The more difficult the time, the more we need to avoid adding insult to injury to ourselves, support and understand ourselves more. Only then can we rebuild our relationship and truly improve our motivation.

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Middle Age Minimalim: Stop Doing These 5 Things When You're Broke!

Some friends say they earn just a small monthly salary and don't have any side gigs, so they can't save any money at all! For ordinary office workers who follow the same routine every day, it's indeed difficult to save a large sum each month without any additional sources of income. However, the advice on saving money has always been: it's not about being frugal to the point of stinginess, nor is it necessary for everyone to start a side hustle; it's simply about avoiding wasteful spending.

In daily life, if you can consciously avoid wastefulness, while you might not save big bucks immediately, you'll certainly be able to save some pennies.

Many people might think, "Since I don't have much money anyway, why not enjoy life to the fullest?" Forgive me for being blunt, but this is not the mindset of someone who's living life well. Particularly with these 5 things, the sooner you stop them when you're broke, the better!

1. Stop staying up late

I know quite a few people who stay up late either to work and earn money or to self-improve in hopes of making more money. But if staying up late to earn money compromises basic health, won't it lead to even more financial strain when your health deteriorates? During a period when my children were very young, I tried to improve myself as quickly as possible by working super hard and being extremely disciplined (often staying up late to finish tasks). However, that was also the time when my immune system was at its lowest, and I frequently had to visit clinics for injections and medication. Not only did I not make any money, but I also spent quite a bit, not to mention the suffering. Eventually, I came to a conclusion: Regardless of whether you make money or not, prioritize your health, stop staying up late, and take care of your body first.

2.Stop impulse shopping

I truly understand the impulse to buy things. Just last weekend, I bought a pair of jeans myself. However, jeans are a necessity because the ones at home are either very old or too tight (okay, I admit I might have gained a bit of weight in middle age). But did you know? At that time, I also really wanted to buy a top to match the jeans. I tried on about six or seven options, and there were two that I really liked: one was a light green striped linen shirt with 3/4 sleeves, and the other was a cream-colored long-sleeved T-shirt. I was truly tempted to buy them all. However, after a moment of thought, I realized I already had two shirts at home and several white short-sleeved ones. Thinking of this, I controlled myself and left without making any purchases. Thank goodness for that moment of reflection, which prevented me from making an impulse purchase.

3.Stop being idle

From childhood to adulthood, I've always been aware that without any special resources or innate talent, hard work is the key to success in both learning and life. After all, isn't living about finding things to do for ourselves regularly? I've always had a somewhat biased view: once someone becomes idle, trouble follows. So, you see, wherever there are many idle people in a household, things usually don't go well. Many years ago, there was a young man who hadn't studied much. Later, through a referral, he got a job at a mobile phone repair shop and has been working there for many years. It's said he's still there now. Yes, people aren't afraid of you earning less or lacking big ambitions; they're afraid of you being idle all day and drifting aimlessly. Don't ever try those shortcuts to make money; sooner or later, you'll land yourself in trouble. If you're broke, find a decent job, work diligently, and enjoy the warmth of family life!

4.Stop complaining about being poor

I truly can't understand why some people keep complaining about being poor. Complaining about being poor doesn't solve any problems or earn any money. So, remember, don't cry poverty in front of others because they won't give you any money; they'll just laugh at you. Also, don't often think to yourself that you're just like this and will be poor for the rest of your life. I believe that in life: you must often encourage yourself, keep yourself energized, and then work hard to make money. This kind of outlook on life may not make ordinary people rich and prosperous, but living a stable and comfortable life shouldn't be a problem. Look around, those families that were once very poor but kept quiet about it later turned out fine. Parents' hard work is seen by their descendants, who then tend to be more capable. I think this is how most individuals, through self-motivation and effort, achieve family transformation. So, never cry poverty; strive and work hard at all times.

5.Stop comparing

Comparing yourself to others brings nothing but frustration. When poor people compare themselves to rich people, it feels like they've fallen from heaven to hell. When I was young, my family was really poor. Our family squeezed into two small rooms. At that time, I envied classmates who had their own houses. My mother probably sensed what I was feeling because she said: "You're students now, so don't compare what you eat and wear with others. Instead, compare who studies better. If you study well, you'll get a good job in the future and can have whatever you want." Looking back now, those words might have been a bit crude, but there was nothing wrong with the values they instilled: don't compare what you don't have with others; create what you want for yourself. So, whenever I hear about who's rich and what they've bought, I'm almost indifferent, and I don't feel any vanity or jealousy. Because I know: what others have is what they've created, and what I want, I'll create for myself.

Some friends might think, "We work so hard every day to earn money, isn't it for spending?" I admit, it's for spending. But, the key is how you spend it: I have no hesitation when it comes to: buying books for myself, buying jeans (I try them on in stores rather than endlessly comparing options online), signing up for lessons with experienced teachers when I want to learn a new skill… These are non-negotiable for me. What people see might be my frugality and simplicity, but only I know: this is my abundance in life, and I find joy in it.

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How to look young

01 Embrace beauty and life.

Most people who look young have a love for beauty. They pay attention to their appearance, keeping themselves clean and presentable. They love sports, using their energetic bodies to resist the erosion of time. They have eyes that can appreciate beautiful things, they are full of zest for life, and they never treat life carelessly.

Taking care of the basics in life and living with poetic beauty, they live with a heart full of love for life. Once they have a heart that loves life, regardless of age, they radiate warmth and optimism from the inside out.

02 Have a broad mind and embrace acceptance.

Everyone experiences emotions, but what matters is how we deal with them. Instead of letting negative emotions drown us, it's better to reconcile with them, understand the reasons behind them, and properly address and relieve negative emotions.

Having a broad mind is the epitome of a person's charm. Forget what needs to be forgotten, let go of what needs to be released; be less critical and more tolerant. With no burdens in the heart, a relaxed brow, and gentle eyes, one finds inner peace. When you show joy and contentment in life, life will treat you gently in return.

03 Stay positive and wear a smile.

People who smile often have a heart filled with sunshine. Even after experiencing storms, they retain a sense of innocence and optimism. Even in the face of setbacks, they approach them with the most positive attitude; they hold goodwill towards everyone, brimming with sincerity, bringing joy to those around them.

As the saying goes: "Those who smile often won't have bad luck." That smile on their faces is like a soft blanket, warming themselves and those around them like a gentle spring breeze.

04 Keep learning and renewing yourself.

Learning adds depth to a person's beauty. What truly keeps a person young is the ability to keep learning.

Regardless of age, please keep a curious mind, persist in reading, learn new skills, and bravely try new things. Embrace novelty every day, and your life will feel renewed every day.

You have the power to decide what you become. If your heart is young, you won't fear the passage of time. Every minute of your life can be lived beautifully and wonderfully!

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Life experiences

1. Pay attention to those who are very good in dealing with others.

People who are good in dealing with others are all savvy individuals; they have high emotional intelligence, articulate well, and make you feel comfortable in their presence. But that doesn't necessarily mean they are good people.

When judging someone, don't just listen to what they say; observe their actions. Pay attention to details, feel with your heart, not just with your ears.

2. Make money as much as possible, save money diligently, money is very important.

No matter what your financial situation is, save money whenever possible. In this society, money is the most important shield for you and your family.

Nowadays, it feels like the weekend hasn't been spent if they haven't gone shopping, and it feels like they haven't gone shopping if they haven't bought anything. They feel wronged if they go shopping without having a cup of milk tea or a meal.

Save money in life, and there's no need to spend $6 on milk tea when $1 bottled water can do the job. Your savings are your lifeline.

3. Don't deliberately flatter others.

Those whom you flatter and fawn over, what real help can they offer you? Even if they do help you, sooner or later you'll have to repay them twofold. Moreover, why should they help you? The more you flatter others, the more others will flatter them, and the more incapable you'll appear.

Instead of trying to flatter others, spend that energy thinking about how to improve yourself.

4. Don't try to take shortcuts in anything.

For example, don't cheat on homework normally, don't think about cheating on exams, don't lie to deceive people; you are deceiving yourself.

Do you think you're deceiving the teacher by copying homework?

5. Things that make you suffer actually bring you happiness, and things that make you happy are often not real happiness.

Playing games and browsing on your phone are very comfortable, but that kind of short-term happiness often brings permanent pain.

Studying is painful, especially in the early stages. Stretching and running are painful. But these brief pains often bring long-term happiness.

6. It's never too late to start working hard.

It's never too late to start learning anything.

Many skills are usually acquired with just a few years of hard work. As long as you persist, regardless of what it is, you will gradually reap rewards.

7. Be calm and not judge others based on yourself.

Everyone's experiences are different, and their attitudes toward things are also different. You can disagree with someone's opinion, but don't question or oppose it. Don't try to impose your thoughts on others; it will only make you look foolish.

8. Don't prioritize interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal relationships are built on the circle you're in and are more determined by your abilities. If you have achieved nothing and have no value to offer, why should others help you? Only when you have the ability do you have the right to talk about interpersonal relationships.

9. Learning is a lifelong process, and reading is the lowest-cost, fastest way to grow.

Don't stop learning just because you're working. Many things can only be truly understood through practice. By learning while working, you will grow rapidly.

10. Stay away from trashy people.

If a dog bites you, would you bite the dog back?

If you encounter trashy people in life, endure a little grievance and leave as soon as possible. It's better to have one less thing to worry about.

11. Don't deliberately please others, and don't force yourself into circles you don't belong to.

Whether in school or after work, if you can't get along with classmates or colleagues, keep your distance. Focus on learning seriously and working diligently to enrich your life. You live for yourself, not to please others.

12. The more you talk, the less weight your words carry.

In daily life, except with friends, don't become a chatterbox when interacting with others. In this day and age, besides family and friends, no one has so much free time to listen to your nonsense.

13. Time will reveal true intentions.

People's hearts are unpredictable, and seeing someone's true intentions over time may not always be accurate. Communicate more, and you'll eventually see people's true intentions.

14.  Face is earned, not given by others.

When you feel that others don't respect you, don't get angry.

Others are not obliged to respect you. Whether or not you can earn others' respect depends on your abilities and character.

As the saying goes, face is earned, not given by others.

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The grievances of adults, who understands?

I heard a particularly heart-wrenching statement: "We dare not fall ill, dare not slack off, and even dare not show emotions. We don't know at what point we started only dealing with problems. Coffee and alcohol have become our lifelines, while emotional outbursts have become luxuries."

Adults encounter many problems and challenges every day, and even if their bodies and minds ache, they push through the pain with time constraints.

A father, while unloading goods, accidentally fell from a truck over a meter high, got up and continued unloading. When he got home, he discovered a large bruise on his back but didn't mention it to his family;

A single mother, alone at home with her child, reheated the prepared meal multiple times, ate two meals, and stayed up all night when her child had a fever, afraid to sleep during the day for fear her child might wake up unattended;

A delivery driver, falsely reported by a customer, rushed to visit his sick mother after work and then had to pick up his daughter from school. To save time, he chose to drive against traffic. When stopped by traffic police, he broke down in tears.

The breakdown of adults is the accumulation of tiny despair, suppressed for a long time and suddenly erupting. The final trigger for the eruption is often something insignificant.

These trivial matters often seem exaggerated and melodramatic to others, and all grievances are reduced to a dismissive "Is it really that bad?"

On the road of life, everyone is a lonely traveler. There are countless scenes in the world, ups and downs of suffering, happiness, joy, and sorrow. Except for saving oneself, it is difficult for others to truly help.

Many times we need a brief pause button, give the pain some time, give ourselves a chance to breathe. In the quiet of the night, open up your heart and mend it yourself.

That's life, others only see the results, while you alone endure the process. Faced with life, we have no choice but to be strong and continue. The road can be looked back upon, but it cannot be walked back.

If you are experiencing grievances, I hope: you can persevere and bravely move forward. Those who are immune to all poisons have been covered in scars; those who can laugh at storms have been riddled with wounds. In the world of adults, while one side collapses, the other side heals.

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Thriving in Midlife: Unlocking Three Healing Words

As one reaches middle age, it's not just about taking care of one's body but also nurturing the inner self, living life to its fullest, so as not to have lived in vain.

The following three words are the most healing, embodying three kinds of life wisdom. Let's see how many you've achieved:

Stability

I once saw a video that went viral, showing a three or four-year-old girl trying to put the lunch her mother had just prepared into a bag. Unfortunately, the girl didn't hold it steadily, and the lunchbox spilled, scattering the food instantly.

Seeing the mess without knowing what had happened, the mother didn't get angry or scold the girl. Instead, she gently asked, "Did you accidentally spill Mommy's lunch?"

The little girl was a bit bewildered and responded tearfully.

The mother immediately hugged her daughter, comforting her, saying she was just asking if it was accidentally spilled.

After getting a reassuring answer from her daughter, the mother patiently advised her daughter to be more careful next time and to remember to ask for help.

Under the video, netizens praised the scene, envying the happiness of such a "fairy-tale family." Many also sighed that it's possible not to be scolded for breaking things.

For middle-aged women, what they fear the most is becoming a nagging complainer.

Complaining about not getting cared for despite the hard work, accusing of not getting returns for their efforts, having unstable emotions, hurting others and themselves more.

There's a term in psychology called "emotional cost," for example, if you accidentally oversleep for an hour today, and you fret about it for another hour, you've suddenly lost even more time.

People with unstable emotions and an unstable core are prone to irritability. They complain when faced with a setback or unnecessarily put pressure on themselves, ending up burdened beyond measure and greatly reducing their quality of life.

When angry, it's worth asking oneself, "Do I really need to be angry about this?" or "Is it necessary for me to be this angry?" This way, emotions can calm down quickly, and one can approach problems more rationally.

As you experience more, you'll understand that the greatest wisdom for middle-aged people lies in maintaining stable emotions at all times, after all, only by steadying oneself can everything else be stabilized.

Subtraction

The more one desires, the more one should learn to subtract.

Rather than being bogged down by distractions, it's better to employ subtractive thinking, eliminating spiritual burdens to achieve true freedom and happiness.

"Trimming down in life, actively letting go, is true self-love."

In the journey of life, if you desire too much, your baggage will only get heavier, making it difficult to move forward in the end.

In middle age, many things require one's attention, so learning to subtract from life becomes particularly important:

Reduce material desires and attachments to harvest inner richness;

Reduce feelings of inferiority and arrogance to remain truly calm and composed;

Reduce complaints and distractions in the mind to achieve happiness and peace.

Happiness means having freedom and choice, but more freedom and choice don't necessarily bring greater happiness. In fact, the more choices you have, the less happy you tend to be.

Therefore, the more one lets go, the richer one's inner life becomes.

Learning to simplify is a kindness to oneself and the most sophisticated way of living.

By letting go of desires, lowering expectations, reducing internal conflicts, one becomes lighter in body and mind, and one's steps naturally become swifter.

May you and I both be able to cut off negative emotions in time, abandon excessive material desires, break free from self-imposed limitations, and reduce the burdens on the journey ahead, embracing a life of ease and contentment.

Patience

Have you ever noticed that the more you rush to have something, the farther away it seems to be?

Because the more impatient you are, the more anxious your emotions become, and the easier it is to make hasty mistakes, often resulting in more harm than good.

Some people say, "A word commonly heard is 'fast,' but in fact, being too fast is the easiest way to make mistakes. Before embarking on a big task, you should first understand the situation and make reasonable judgments before taking action."

Haste makes waste, while patience leads to success. Often, it's the mindset that determines the outcome. If faced with urgency, the mindset should be calm and composed, and actions should be steady.

"Take it slow, and even slower. The things that must be dealt with immediately should be set aside for a while, perhaps then you'll achieve the desired results."

In middle age, you'll come to understand that many answers to life's questions can only be given by time, and being impatient is of no use.

When faced with difficulties, it might be worth giving yourself some time, taking things slowly, often revealing hidden opportunities.

As the saying goes, "Plan before acting." When encountering something, first devise a strategy, then take action. It may seem slow on the surface, but it's actually more efficient. By taking things slowly, you'll ultimately move faster.

In a person's initial reaction to a situation lies the knowledge, character, and cultivation accumulated throughout their growth.

Taking a step back allows one to view and contemplate from a distance, listening to the most authentic voice within. You'll understand what's important, what's not; what's necessary, what's superfluous.

There aren't many things in life that require immediate action or fierce competition. Many things need to simmer slowly to become truly flavorful.

May we all be able to give life gravity, find spiritual refuge, enjoy the passage of time, settle into the routines, calmly and contently being ourselves.

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A trait found in unlucky people

"Why do people talk less as they grow older?"

Some people say:

"Because they've suffered from speaking too much." When they were young, they were less guarded and tended to share everything about themselves.

But as they grow older, they realize:

The more they speak, the more mistakes they make.

It's better not to speak.

Others say:

"Because the more they know, the more cautious they become in speaking." When they were young, they loved to argue and persuade others.

But as they grow older, they realize they know too little and dare not speak much for fear of revealing their ignorance.

"A full bottle makes no sound, but a half bottle makes a noise."

Don't talk about your private affairs to outsiders.

I once heard a story that made me sigh.

A friend's company hired a new colleague named C, and my friend worked with her a few times.

She seemed capable, and her personality was quite gentle.

But C didn't last long before suddenly resigning.

"Recently, there have been rumors flying around the company about her, maybe she couldn't take it anymore."

And these rumors, surprisingly, originated from C herself.

Shortly after joining the company, she got along well with colleague A and confided her personal life to her:

She had been divorced before and was now remarried to a man 15 years older than her.

She didn't mean any harm, but listener A told others.

Perhaps her intention was just to gossip, without malice.

But as rumors go, they become more exaggerated.

"At such a young age, marrying an older man, she must be after his money."

"Maybe she divorced her ex-husband just for this older man."

The gossip became nastier and nastier.

Over time, not only did her colleagues gossip about C behind her back, but even the boss heard about it.

They even began to doubt her competence at work.

"C probably didn't know what she did wrong until she resigned."

Similar stories are not uncommon in our lives.

A netizen said:

"Sometimes when I feel wronged, I can't help but confide in someone, but immediately regret it.

It's like handing someone a weapon against yourself, burying a landmine for yourself."

Others say:

"Most of the time, by the time I realize I should keep quiet, I've already said it."

I once heard a saying:

You tell a secret to the wind, and it spreads throughout the forest.

Indeed, prevention is better than cure!

If you're also confused about what you can and cannot say,

here's a tip from me:

Whether it's about our family background, savings, marital status, children's development, family conflicts, health, career plans, etc., anything related to privacy or interests is best left unsaid.

Regardless of whether it's good or bad.

If you say you're doing well, financially secure, it's easy to provoke jealousy;

If you say you're doing poorly, you'll inevitably be looked down upon.

It's human nature to praise the higher and disparage the lower.

A netizen once said:

"There are many things I don't like about my parents.

But I would never say anything negative about them in front of others.

If others look down on my family, they will naturally look down on me too."

Trust is too precious to be given to just anyone.

If you're still unsure, remember this:

Don't say anything you're not sure you should say.

Shallow exchanges are the most taboo.

Don't casually criticize others.

Shutting up is not only a matter of cultivation but also kindness.

Besides not judging others' lives at will,

there's another thing you absolutely shouldn't say:

Other people's rights and wrongs.

Regardless of whether it concerns you.

Before, there was an intern at our company who was obedient and clever.

But her supervisor had a fiery temper.

Whenever the intern didn't do her job well, she would give her a good scolding without mercy.

Once, when the company had dinner together,

Everyone comforted the intern, saying her supervisor had a bad temper, and she shouldn't take it to heart.

Even though the supervisor wasn't present at the time, the girl didn't show any dissatisfaction, just saying:

"I do have many shortcomings, so the supervisor criticizes me."

This sentence greatly increased everyone's favorability towards the girl.

They felt she was humble and could endure.

So shortly after, they helped her secure better job opportunities, and her salary doubled.

Speaking, perhaps, requires ability; but not speaking requires even more wisdom.

Keeping your mouth shut is not just a matter of refinement but also a form of kindness.

Often, people have different opinions simply because their standpoints are different.

It's not about right or wrong.

Do you really need to argue to win?

It's unnecessary.

We all have different perceptions.

Perceptions are influenced by our complex life experiences.

People can only believe what they've seen and experienced.

Upon careful consideration, when we insist on winning the argument, there's often an underlying message:

"I want to prove that I'm better than you."

But because the other party is "unrepentant," we can never "win," and this frustrates us.

Why bother?

To save face for a moment, we waste a lot of time and emotions.

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Grown-Up Goodbyes

01

Early this year, I bumped into some elementary school classmates during a wedding. We hadn't really kept in touch since graduating, so suddenly seeing each other, we barely remembered how we looked as kids, and we couldn't even recall each other's names. After exchanging a few words, we had to find some topics to chat about. Despite trying to reminisce about our limited shared memories from the past, we exchanged contacts, saying we should keep in touch more often. After lunch, I made an excuse to leave. In the evening, he messaged me, saying he and a few other elementary school classmates were going to have tea. My instinctive reaction was to decline. We hadn't seen each other for many years, and suddenly being together again, we were unfamiliar with each other. Going there would only lead to awkwardness, so I thought it was better to refuse outright and be honest about it.

02

Friendships require shared experiences to sustain them.

The more we work, the fewer friends we have around us. Even those friendships that were once good tend to fade away without shared experiences. I've never believed in friendships lasting forever. Even if separated by mountains and seas, we can still miss and cherish each other only if there are shared experiences. Friends need shared experiences to sustain them. Have you ever felt this way? If you haven't seen a friend for many years and suddenly meet, do you expect to hug each other with tears in your eyes? It's not the case. Instead, there's just awkwardness. Even when chatting, it's still about past shared experiences, digging into the memories to fill the emptiness and awkwardness of the present. You may think the relationship has changed, but it hasn't. It's just that you lack shared experiences and no longer spend as much time together as before. Therefore, true friends need to stay in touch regularly. The farther apart you are, the weaker the relationship becomes.

03

One day, I suddenly remembered a good friend from high school. We were classmates in high school, but we rarely kept in touch after graduation. We reconnected and met up twice. Then, we lost touch again. That day, I suddenly thought of him and wanted to see how he was doing, so I found him on social media. After exchanging greetings and asking about each other's situation, there was silence. We had to deliberately find some topics to talk about. We talked about our high school classmates who were close to us. As we talked, I felt bored. It seemed that we didn't have much to talk about, and it felt awkward to chat. The more we tried to find topics, the more awkward it became. At that moment, I knew we couldn't go back to how we were before. We couldn't talk to each other about everything like we used to. So, after one last boring conversation, I ended the chat myself. I knew I wouldn't initiate contact with him again because we had nothing to talk about, and chatting felt awkward and boring. Did we have a falling out? No, we were both polite and exchanged greetings, but it just didn't feel the same anymore. Between friends, there's no need for politeness and formality; the more polite you are, the more distant you seem.

04

Friendships tend to diminish as adults.

As we work, we make many acquaintances in the workplace, add many people on social media, and become close to many people, eating and going out together. However, suddenly, one day, we bid each other farewell and never contact each other again. Adult friendships are either based on emotions or interests. Emotional bonds are considered a luxury for people in the workplace. It's difficult for us to make friends in the workplace. Even if you work and eat together every day, and even go shopping hand in hand, these relationships only last during working hours. After work, everyone goes their separate ways. Friendship in the workplace is best left undisturbed, as this is the greatest form of respect. Such friendships only last until the day you leave your job, and afterwards, everyone goes their separate ways, forgetting each other in the hustle and bustle of life. Most people's friendships are formed during their school years. After all, when we're young, we prioritize emotions, but as adults, we prioritize interests. Without shared interests, it's difficult for adults to make friends. After all, everyone is busy, and if there's nothing to do, there's no need to meet up.

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