The Friends We Lose in Middle Age

Why do people gradually have fewer friends or even lose friends as they reach middle age? There is a well-accepted explanation: in middle age, people find themselves busy, and the desire to meet friends becomes hard to fulfil. When was the last time you had a good chat with a friend? In social circles, there are moments of friends liking and greeting each other. However, most of the time, everyone seems silent. There's a saying: "No one will accompany you forever; some come and go for a certain period in your life." This quote is very apt. During middle age, people often feel that their circle of friends is diminishing.

Friends are merely companions on the journey.

There's a statement: "For middle-aged people, survival is a necessity, while friends become a luxury." It might sound harsh, but it holds some truth. Every middle-aged person is struggling for survival and striving for their family. Friends are just there for a while and then scatter. A friend shared this story:

One day, he was looking through old photos and unexpectedly found a picture of an old friend, which brought back memories of moments they had spent together. Suddenly feeling nostalgic, he picked up his phone and sent a message to his friend: "Old friend, how have you been? It's been so long." He waited for a while before getting a reply, surprisingly receiving several messages from his friend.

Initially, it was just a greeting, but then the friend began sharing his life's pressures: an ill father, huge mortgage stress, and so on. This string of messages revealed the stress and financial difficulties his friend was experiencing.

He assumed that his friend had reached out to ask for money, so he first shared his own predicament with the friend.

Upon seeing the friend's response, he hastily explained, "I was just going through old photos and missed you, so I thought I'd say hi." It was only then that he sensed the friend's understanding, receiving a reply: "It's been a while; let's catch up sometime." He understood it was a polite response.

Hence, he politely agreed but never reached out to the friend again. He learned that their once strong friendship had become fragile amidst life's trivialities. Choosing to let go and not cause any further disturbance, silently wishing each other well, was the best form of respect they could offer each other.

As children, we often believe that friends will be friends forever. It's only as we grow up that we realize there's no such thing as eternity between people. Accompanying each other for a part of the journey is warmth enough. As middle age sets in, life's burdens become heavier. We must slog for our children's education and the family's livelihood. The cost of maintaining contact with friends also disminishes, leading to fading connections. Each person has their family to attend to and silent life pressures. Along the way, parting company is an inevitable, albeit helpless, reality.

Lack of Friends in Middle Age

Perhaps everyone has this realization at some point in their life: when young, there were numerous friends, always someone to share life's ups and downs. During happy times, there were companions to share joy, and in difficult times, there was always someone willing to share the burden. However, as time passes, the number of friends decreases, and those you can confide in become few and far between. It's not until middle age that one deeply understands that even deep friendships can diverge due to individual paths; even the most sincere relationships might drift apart due to life's different trajectories.

I have two close friends with whom I once shared everything, supporting each other through thick and thin. However, our communication became rare after entering the workforce.

Once, I made a considerable effort to have dinner with them both. However, we found it hard to connect with each other's topics. They only discussed the minutiae of their children's lives, how to buy cost-effective yet reliable milk powder, and what solid foods their children should eat. I wanted to share my professional challenges, but they seemed to think that was a thing of the past.

In the end, the only common topic we had was our shared past from decades ago, making the dinner incredibly boring.

At that moment, I realized that my closest friends and I had gradually drifted apart. Interpersonal relationships are akin to seasons; they stay close only when faced with similar situations, mutual aspirations, and interests. Once removed from shared points of reference, maintaining a deep connection becomes difficult. Even so, we conceal our feelings and keep moving forward. In life's journey, we continually meet and unavoidably part ways. We need not consciously maintain certain relationships, nor do we need everyone to remain in our lives.

As middle age approaches, friends become fewer. Yet, those who remain by your side are the genuine friends. Rather than concerning oneself with the quantity of friends, it's more important to spend time nurturing those true friendships. Life inevitably brings farewells; wishing former companions well who once walked a part of your journey is sufficient. In the remaining years, we should invest in our inner selves, be with our families, and constantly work on self-improvement. When you invest more energy in personal growth, you naturally attract like-minded individuals. May the coming years find us content, unperturbed by life's gains and losses, while enriching our inner selves to pursue our dreams and become our ideal selves.

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