This Life, Rely on Yourself

There's a saying: "Relying on mountains will make them collapse, relying on people will make you old. In the end, you realize you only relied on yourself." Throughout life, it’s only by depending on oneself that one can live with dignity and shine brightly.

This Life, Don't Rely on Parents

Life is not all smooth sailing. Only by relying on oneself can one change their fate. There's a deeply moving story from the late 1980s. A man with hearing impairments married a woman who was not eloquent and slightly clumsy. The entire village watched, curious to see what kind of child they would have.

This couple had a daughter who grew up to be the prettiest girl in the village. She was called Jane. Since childhood, she frequently heard people say, "Such a smart and beautiful child but with parents like that, she is so pitiable." However, Jane was always stubborn; she didn't believe she was the "pitiable" person the village spoke of.

After graduating from elementary school, she chose to drop out and joined the village's performance troupe as an apprentice. She put her heart and soul into her work, believing that only by relying on herself and acquiring enough skills could she change her fate. She didn't just learn to sing and play instruments; she also read many books in her spare time.

Four to five years passed, and she became a highly respected figure in the troupe. Her outstanding appearance and profound knowledge made her performances widely popular. Gradually, more people started inviting her to perform.

Some say, "Life is like walking on thin ice; just as you catch a breath, a new challenge arises." Just as Jane’s life was gradually improving, her mother was diagnosed with colon cancer. Frequent hospital stays and chemotherapy quickly depleted their resources.

To earn more money, Jane worked even harder. However, the sudden arrival of the 2020 pandemic completely disrupted her livelihood, leading her to lose her income entirely.

Her mother's illness worried her deeply, and the lack of financial resources made her even more anxious. There's a saying: "If you are heading for debauchery, not even a deity can save you; if you are growing, even a dire situation can bring a new beginning."

Facing the inability to perform live shows, she decided to live stream singing online. Friends suggested she glam up to attract more male fans, but Jane firmly believed that the most touching aspect is humanity. She was in a modest rural setting, a simple and beautiful girl, with ordinary parents but a curious innocence in their eyes. This stark contrast drew over 20,000 fans on her first night of streaming. These fans were mostly dreamers living far from their hometowns.

Through her live streaming, these fans felt familiar scenes and moving songs, soothing their homesickness. Jane rediscovered her life's value and earned a considerable income through live streaming, improving her family's financial situation.

Now, when the villagers see her parents, they say, "You're blessed to have such an accomplished daughter." When this happens, her parents point to the picture of their daughter on the phone screen and give a thumbs-up.

"Destiny ultimately cannot defeat us. When you're feeling low, just look around, and see what it can stir up. Over time, you'll realize that it's ultimately like a child, or rather, it is a child, our own child. Our destiny is shaped by our own hands. In the end, we are the creators of our own destiny."

Perhaps in childhood, you can rely on parents, but as time passes, life changes unpredictably. Parents cannot always be with us, nor can they always shield us from life's challenges. Some say, "Having parental support is a straight road, lacking it is a winding road."

On this winding road, only those who endure it alone will realize that life is about constantly refining, repairing, and shaping oneself, meeting a brand new and better version every time.

This Life, Don't Rely on Marriage

My close friend got married right after graduating from college and soon became pregnant. At that time, her husband's business was doing well, so she chose to resign and become a full-time housewife. People often say that being a homemaker is one of the most perilous occupations, and she fell victim to it.

One of the things that distressed my friend most during her time as a full-time homemaker was the frequent words from her husband: "You want money again?" He couldn't understand her efforts and only complained that she didn't do anything but spent too much money. She felt extremely oppressed in this passive role.

Therefore, my friend decided to do something to break free from this situation. At the time, the trend of purchasing agents was rising, and she began a purchasing business in partnership with a male classmate. However, this almost destroyed her marriage. Her husband suspected her of having an inappropriate relationship with her classmate and physically abused her because of it. Frustrated, my friend went back to her parents' home.

Upon her friend's referral, she became a substitute teacher in a school. Concerned about her teaching abilities, she diligently prepared and refined her teaching materials. She rehearsed in front of experienced teachers until she felt adequately prepared to start teaching. She prepared for every class with such meticulousness.

Midway through the semester, her class unexpectedly achieved the first position in the entire grade, surprising everyone, including herself.

During that time, she deeply realized that hard work doesn’t go in vain. Her effort gave her confidence and direction in life. Following this, she moved to work for a training institution, and many students who had attended her classes before eagerly signed up for her courses. Her husband, seeing her transformation, was equally shocked and started regretting his past reckless behaviour. He hoped she would forgive him and resume being a homemaker. However, my friend's stance was resolute: she could return home, but her career would not be abandoned. Her effort gave her a sense of accomplishment and happiness.

Gradually, her reputation grew, allowing her to break away from her previous institution and establish her own training centre. Even with increasing students and hiring more teachers, she personally took on the teaching responsibilities. Not only did she no longer ask her husband for money, but she also covered the household expenses during her husband's business downturns.

"The road has to be walked step by step; suffering has to be endured mouthful by mouthful. Pulling sinew and skin is the only way to transform and grow, besides this, there are no shortcuts." Marriage has never been a sanctuary for anyone, and sometimes, it's the beginning of nightmares for some. A person must rely on themselves. Instead of seeking warmth from another's shoulder, it's better to soar against the wind and be self-reliant. Only one's bank balance and individual abilities are the greatest assurance in navigating the world. As long as we have our protective umbrella, regardless of stormy or sunny times, we can move forward courageously.

In This Life, Don't Rely on Children

It's best not to expect too much from others because everyone has their own difficulties. Let me tell you about my neighbour, Aunt Gong's experience.

Aunt Gong has an only son who lives abroad. Eight years ago, her husband passed away due to a stroke, leaving her living alone. Her son, feeling pity for his mother, brought Aunt Gong over to live with him abroad.

However, things took an unexpected turn. Aunt Gong and her daughter-in-law didn't get along. In less than two months of living abroad, they had several arguments. Seeing the dilemma her son was in, Aunt Gong firmly chose to return home alone.

Upon her return, Aunt Gong's hair turned almost completely white. Initially, she didn't pay much attention to it. But every time someone saw her, they'd ask in astonishment, "What happened? Why did your hair turn white?" Each time she heard such questions, it caused her heartache and tears.

Hence, she decided to visit a hair salon and dye her hair black. People who saw her afterwards commented, "Wow! You look so much younger." Aunt Gong smiled and said, "My old partner left, but I am still alive. Since I'm alive, I should live well."

Looking in the mirror, she found she indeed didn't look as old, and she felt much better emotionally. Aunt Gong said, "When you're old, you can't rely on your son; he has his own family, and I must rely on myself."

After changing her mindset, Aunt Gong started exercising in the mornings, rested after lunch, played cards or danced with the old ladies in the neighborhood in the afternoons. When her health allowed, Aunt Gong frequently traveled and even found a new partner, beginning a late-life romance. She moved into her new partner's house and rented out her own.

She said, "Raising children may not prevent aging; instead of relying on children, it's better to rely on oneself."

As one grows older, they need three things: a healthy mindset, a robust body, and sufficient savings. Only with these can one avoid what the ancients said: "Life is short, and in the blink of an eye, old age arrives." In old age, facing many troubles, one can only slowly swallow them on their own.

"Others are not obligated to help you." When you fall, there may not always be someone to help you up; when you're short of money, there might not be someone to give you charity; when you feel aggrieved, there might not be someone to care. In times when no one assists, one must stand on their own; in times of poverty, one can only rely on their efforts; when there's no help, one must solve problems on their own. Self-reliance surpasses dependence on others; it's better to rely on oneself.

Between people, it's impossible to fully comprehend each other's sorrows and joys or truly experience the other's feelings. Even if others are good, in the end, you still need to rely on yourself to find true happiness. When facing the brutality of society, financial pressures, life's setbacks, the shattering of love, and the complexities of human nature, you gradually understand: you must be your own shelter, no longer needing to evade storms.

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Embracing the Essence of Human Nature

Most of the troubles in our lives actually originate from interpersonal relationships. Sometimes, a few words can make people feel warm, but sometimes a single expression can strike fear in them. There's a saying: "The human heart is unfathomable, human nature is ever-changing."

We absolutely should not overly trust specific individuals.

Not Many People Sincerely Want You to Succeed

Both kindness and darkness coexist in people; they often can't stand others doing better than themselves. People around you becoming successful is often more easily envied than those achieving distant glory. A proverb goes: "Aside from parents and a few close friends, there are very few people who genuinely feel happy because of your success. More people ask about your affairs just to confirm you're doing worse than them." Though brutal, this is a facet of human nature.

So, when you find yourself in trouble, do not expect support from others. There are many people to accompany you in joy, but very few willing to share your hardships. When you succeed, refrain from boasting to those around you. There are very few who genuinely rejoice in your success, while those who are envious are many.

Your life is your own, and it doesn't concern others. Experience pain, relish happiness without revealing the intricacies of life to others. Learn to be modest, composed, control your edges, and even in ordinary days, you'll shine.

Others Only See the Results; You Have to Go Through the Process Alone

Some say, "Every person has a fire in their heart, but those passing by only see the smoke." This phrase is deeply resonant. In the adult world, someone understanding you is fortunate, but relying on your own strength is the greatest support.

You hope others understand your struggles, but who isn't going through their own difficulties? You expect someone to traverse hardships with you, but who isn't carrying their own burdens?

Do not blame others for not understanding your plight, nor complain about the cruelty of reality or the indifference of human feelings. Because life is like this; others only see the outcome, while you face the process alone.

So, when you encounter a low point, don't disturb anyone, and never get upset because of being ignored. Don't feel disheartened due to being cold-shouldered; quietly work hard and put in the effort.

The less care you receive from others, the more self-respect and self-love you should exhibit. The more you lack companions, the more courageously you must move forward. Learning to grow within yourself is the way to flourish outwardly. Don't struggle with present emotions because your goal is to stand out based on your abilities one day.

Allow Yourself to Be You, Allow Others to Be Themselves

There's a popular question online: "How to deal with being around certain people whom you don't like but have to be with every day?"

A highly praised answer is: "Allow yourself to be yourself, while also allowing others to be themselves."

Interpersonal relationships are an unavoidable issue, and if you cannot accept it internally, it will bring suffering. Just as you need to allow that some people may not like you, you must also permit the existence of people around you whom you don't like. You must allow your thoughts to not be accepted and also permit others to adhere to their views. Don't force others to change, and don't compel yourself to assimilate.

In the world of adults, there is only filtering, not teaching; there's only choice, not change. Endurance will harm you, blaming will hurt the other person, only allowing will set you free. Ignore those you dislike, cherish those you like. Stick to what you love, allow what you don't, respect what you don't understand, and do what you should do. Don't harbor resentment, don't let things affect your inner self. Respect differences, self-reflect, and find inner joy.

Offer a Helping Hand, but Don't Strain to Assist

"People should do some voluntary work, but there's no need to go to excessive lengths to help others."

If it's within your capabilities, lend a hand, but if it goes beyond your abilities, you shouldn’t strain yourself.

If you put in a lot of effort to complete a task, and others consider it to be simple, not only showing no gratitude but also expecting more help from you; if you agree to help but can't manage, it not only disrupts the matter but also affects relationships, making you feel aggrieved and causing a negative impression.

So, when facing requests from others, don't take on things beyond your capability. Doing your best is an attitude, and acting according to your capacity is a wise decision.

Help to the best of your abilities when you can, and learn to refuse when it's beyond your capacity.

Don't overly worry about damaging relationships by declining; true friends will understand your predicament and won't make you uncomfortable.

Never Judge Others Casually

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact; everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."

Never stand in your own position and casually judge others. This is the most basic form of respect between mature individuals.

If you haven’t lived through someone else's life, do not rush to express your opinion, as your comments will likely be one-sided. If you haven’t deeply understood someone else's life, don’t draw hasty conclusions, as your judgment could be incorrect.

There's a saying: "Kind words are like the warmth of winter; harsh words are like the chill of June."

Do not let the stinging words from your mouth become a blade that hurts others and ultimately harms yourself.

Understand that there are no secrets to be spoken; speaking cautiously is the wisest choice. The wiser someone is, the more they focus on themselves, while those restless and superficial individuals love to gossip about others.

Silently reflecting on one's own mistakes, refraining from easily judging others, doing things with a sincere heart, and being cautious with words is the way to live.

Don't Always Seek to Triumph in Words

"There are two kinds of people in the world: those who want to win, and those who want to win an argument."

When a person insists too much on winning verbally, it not only creates an impression of arrogance but may also appear undesirable due to emotional outbursts.

Never directly oppose others' views. Life is not an arena, and one shouldn't always seek to defeat others in verbal debates.

Understand that language is a tool for conveying emotions and solving problems, not a weapon for victory.

Many times, we seem to have the upper hand but actually suffer considerable losses. Arguing with loved ones, winning the argument but losing the relationship; arguing with unimportant individuals, winning vanity but losing dignity.

"Always aiming to win in words is the basest behaviour."

If you're right, there's no need for arguing; if you're wrong, there's no point in debating.

Learn to maintain the dignity of yourself and others in communication, provide a sense of superiority to others—this is the wisdom of dealing with people.

I strongly agree with the phrase: "The most valuable thing is not that we are all the same, but knowing that 'we are different' and still being able to respect and understand each other, communicate while maintaining our independence, without conforming, degrading, flattering, or crossing boundaries."

Interpersonal communication is like practicing, it requires wisdom. Learning to be sincere and setting boundaries, being close but not excessively so, being cautious and proper in handling affairs, and maintaining an appropriate distance in relationships are among the most important elements of sustaining all relationships.

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Should you work for your relative?

Should you work for your relative?

Why do you often hear people say that no matter how poor you are, you should not go to work with relatives?

The most fundamental reason is that he thinks he is helping you, and you think you are helping him.

I heard this story from my friend. He graduated from university when he was 24, and there was once his uncle went to pay a visit to his house. He noted that my friend was graduating soon so he wanted my friend to be responsible for marketing role in his company.

The situation at that time was that, based on his academic qualifications and abilities, he should be able to find salary of 3k a month. Finding a job will not be difficult at all, but since his uncle initiated it, with a monthly salary of two thousand five thousand. He decided to accept the job.

He also believed that his uncle would not treat him badly, so he agreed and went to work in this uncle's company. His salary remained stagnant during his tenure of 1.5 Years with no bonuses. He decided to talk to his uncle about increment of his salary based on his demonstrated ability and performance. However, the talk did not go well and our relationship became sour.

His uncle was not willing to give him any bonus, only willing to raise his salary to 4k. His uncle said that he provided a very good platform for him to learn since he was a fresh graduate at that time. You see, his uncle thought he helped my friend, and my friend thought he was helping his uncle, so there is really no need to work for relatives. There are vast opportunities out in the market.

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30 years old: three problems you have to face

30 years old: three problems you have to face 

The first question is the question of family and responsibilities. Don't think that you are still young. Don't think that some problems are still much distanced from you. There are some problems, whether you are willing to face them or not, you must take on the responsibilities that match your age. Most people, at this age, have to think about family issues. If you have already married and established a business, you must be soberly aware: How should your career develop in order to ensure that you can support the burden of your entire family? This includes not only your lover, but also your children and parents.

At this stage, your pressure has increased exponentially, but if your growth in the workplace cannot be doubled, or even going backwards in some form, Then, your future career development will face more pressure. And this kind of pressure, more often, will make you have no spare energy to seek better development. Many people often have a big worry when they change jobs: if I quit, my income is not as high as it is now, will I easily move again in my current job? To put it more politely: Do I dare to move again easily? Do I still have the guts and courage? So, if you want to take action, try your best to move forward as soon as possible before you have the burden of family.

 

The second problem is the matching degree of ability and age. Why do many companies clearly stipulate similar work experience requirements such as 5 years of experience, 10 years of experience, etc. when recruiting talents? Because working time means the level of ability that matches it. For the same job, the abilities accumulated by 5 years of experience and 10 years of experience are not the same, and the responsibilities that can be undertaken are also different. The longer your working years, the stronger your ability.

One of the more difficult situations is the mismatch of ability and age. Many people who have worked for 3 or 5 years, or even those who have worked for a year, are not much different in terms of ability, so when their careers want to make a breakthrough, they will encounter a lot of resistance. There are two reasons for this situation: one is frequent job-hopping, there is no accumulation of experience; the other is that although accumulating experience, only the first year is growth, and the remaining few years They are all doing repetitive work and no growth. Therefore, for those 30-year-old friends, from now on, you must carefully examine a question: from graduation to now, how many years have you worked? Do the abilities you have match your age? If it does not match, then you must establish a sense of crisis as soon as possible and run forward to fill the gap.

 

The third problem is the organisation and structure knowledge. As one progresses in the corporate ladder, one cannot be stuck only having knowledge at operational level but also how the management level thinks and solve issues. In the workplace, people at different job levels do different things, and their vision and thinking patterns are also different. A most basic salesman thinks about how to maintain his sales quota. This is a tactical thing and his responsibility; but if a marketing director is in the role, he still thinks like a salesman. , that is his negligence. The operation of every enterprise is composed of strategy and tactics. Big strategies will be subdivided into small strategies, and small strategies will be subdivided into execution tactics one by one, which will be implemented by grassroots personnel. People at different levels are responsible for work at different heights and perform their duties. This is also the meaning of teamwork. Similarly, people at different levels have different knowledge structures. The higher the level, the higher your perspective and thinking on the problem, and the higher the level of your overall knowledge structure.

 

In addition, from the perspective of communication, the higher your position, the closer you are to the boss, and the more opportunities you have to contact the top leaders of the company. If your level of thinking is inconsistent with the bosses, then your ability cannot be recognized. In this situation, your chances of getting promoted are slim, and your career will stop there.

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Thoughts after 30 years old

One’s greatest upbringing is to forgive parents’ imperfections

01

I once saw a post: "Why do one always lose control of their temper and want to blame their parents when they make a naive mistake?" The answer that impressed me the most was: We are angry with our parents, but not angry they did something wrong, but angry that they shouldn't be the wrongdoer.

They used to tell you not to talk to strangers, but now they can blabber our family issues to random people who sell unknown health products on the street; they used to tell you not to anyhow spend money, but now they will just buy things we do not need but they are on discounts in the shopping centre; they used to tell you things you should do, but now they always break their promises.

The reason why you are unhappy is actually because you have discovered their imperfections, but you are still reluctant to admit and understand them.

02

Two or three years ago, my mother suddenly became fascinated with cheongsam. Every time she went shopping, she had to carry one or two pieces back. The colors of each cheongsam are mainly of red, green and purple. It was very ‘flashy’. Every time she puts on a new cheongsam, she had to stand in front of me and asked if she look good. My answer will very negative every time: "It's not good-looking."

I found my mother packing her cheongsam and preparing to give it to others one morning. I asked her what was wrong, she sighed and said disheartenedly: "I'm old and can't wear it anymore."

At that moment, I understood why she always asked me if she looked good. The affirmation of us as her children means that she is still young. But I understood it too late and had hurt her too many times inadvertently.

I have come across this short story: "I don’t remember loving my parents. When I was young, I was afraid of them, and when I was older, I began to bother them. When I grow even older, we will argue when we met, and since don’t know when, I began to look down on them. Although I know that I need to be responsible for them but I just cannot bring myself to do that.”

The stupidest way to show care and concern is to show your parents a nasty face and tell them: "You are wrong, you are so stupid", and you think you are doing them well.

03

There is a saying that goes: "When parents are getting older, it is always difficult to change their mindset. it is necessary to ask children to forgive their parents instead."

Let them ask questions that they can’t understand; let them make some naive mistakes; let them express some outdated opinions; let them do things they like, even though you may not agree with those things. Don't rush to preach to your parents. 

In many cases, filial piety is not to do what we think is good, but to make them feel good.

We always think that our parents are not perfect, but we don't know that they have silently paid a lot behind our backs in order to make you recognize them. As we grow up, we should gradually accept the fact that our parents are just ordinary people, and should gradually understand their difficulties.

When your parents are old, please remember to love them as they did when they loved you. Don't do things that will make you regret it, and don't wait until they are gone to leave regrets.

The greatest upbringing of a person is to forgive the imperfections of his parents. May I wish all the parents live a long and healthy life! We won't be here without them !

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There is a kind of happiness, that is to go home and eat

There is a kind of happiness, that is to go home and eat

It is the first day of the year. I will take this time to talk about the importance of family warmth.

There is this female colleague in my company; she will go home for dinner most of the time. When we order takeaways or settle our meals in the company, she will ride her beloved motorbike and goes home for dinner happily.

At first, we thought she disliked takeaway or company food. Later, I learned from her that she is the only daughter brought up by her mother painstakingly. Now her mother is retired at home. If she doesn't go home to eat, her mother will eat casually. Only when she comes home, her mother will bother to cook more proper and nutritious food.

Her home is not far from the company, and it takes about 20 minutes to her house. Whenever, she goes home for her dinner, colleagues in our department will watch her go home with envy.

In fact, what we envy is, not only the happiness of her being able to go home and eating delicious meals, but also the little fortune of her being with her family every day.

If one can accompany their parents to a meal everyday, I think they are very fortunate. I remembered playing  till wee hours with my friends when I was young, and when it was too late, my mother would call me home for dinner.

"Mom calls you to go home for dinner." Then I will reluctantly bid farewell to my friends.

When I first started working, I turned into a complete workaholic. If there is nothing important, I will never go home easily. I will not let go of work just because of the "trivial thing" of going home for dinner.

As long as I go home to eat, my parents will be happier than anyone else.

They went to the market early to prepare the ingredients, solemnly prepared a table of dishes, and then waited for me to go home. When I get to the door of my house, I will feel safe and secure when I smell the fragrance of familiar food.

The dishes prepared by my parents are not delicacies, but they are delicious, sweet and sour pork tenderloin, tomato scrambled eggs, fish-flavored pork, braised prawns, spicy lotus root slices...Infused with love, these dishes have become works of art that I need to appreciate in my whole life.

My parents taught me a lot of things. But what they often say is this sentence:

Where can I eat the best food? Of course at home!

After I grew up, I realized that being able to go home for dinner is a kind of happiness. This kind of happiness can support you through countless difficult times.

If you have time, please go home more for dinner. Just a simple, plain meal can calm you down and gain joy and happiness. A gluttonous feast is no better than home-cooked dishes. Live your life well, no matter how far you go, no matter how high you fly, please remember to go home for dinner.

Home is always the best harbour for a person. The delicious food at home is a cure for everything. The family sits around the dinner table, sharing food while chatting, enjoying themselves, what is there to be unsatisfied in life?

Cheers Everyone and have a great year ahead.=)

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Ten years later, will you thank yourself today?

Just work hard, time can tell

01

Many people may have had this question before. Two people started at the same time and as time went by, the result was very different. Why does this happen? Some people say that it is because people use time differently. Some people are willing to spend time dwelling in a certain field, while others are wasting their time. The result that time gives us is the most accurate.

The kind of life you live depends on how you spend your time.

I once met a young mother. After years of study, she got a bachelor degree and obtained several vocational qualification certificates. She joined a MNC later. The other mothers in the community were both envious and puzzled, "Where did she have so much time to study?" She was racing against time to read, working hard while bringing the baby up.

So you see, time never favors anyone. Everyone has 24 hours a day. But what widens the gap between people is the attitude towards time.

If you waste time, time will ignore you; if you value time, time will treat you well. You treasure time and became a better version of yourself. This is the best result that time can give you.

02

In fact, no matter which industry you are in, attitude and ability are very important. There are no shortcuts behind "excellent". Only through time can we obtain glorious results.

Time is fair. When you consume time, time silently abandons you. Every step you take and every second you waste will be very obvious.

03

Time is the fairest thing in the world, and it is also something that can't be returned. Time is also a kind of power. How you spend time, you will get what you get.

For example, if you want to learn a new language, you will spend time practicing it frequently. The more you practice, the better you will be. When you can talk to others in a foreign language, you will have a strong sense of accomplishment. This kind of positive feedback will increase your self-confidence. People will become more confident and will be more active in doing other things. This is a chain reaction.

Time has such a magical power.

So, just work hard, time can tell.

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Ten years later, will you thank yourself today?