Midlife Minimalism: 18 Tips for Simplifying Your Life

 "Life is a process of constant choice and continuous abandonment. By letting go, we can unleash the greatest energy from our limited lives."

As we reach middle age, we have experienced the ups and downs of life and witnessed its myriad facets. Upon careful consideration, we finally understand that the highest level of happiness in life can be summed up in just 1 word - simplicity.

Simplifying life is not only about subtracting from it but also about adding to our physical and mental well-being.

So, how can we achieve a minimalist lifestyle and lead a high-quality life?

Today, I will share with you 18 suggestions for a minimalist lifestyle to help you shed burdens and move lightly.

Minimalize Your Energy

As we age, we increasingly realize that "human spirit is limited, and if overused, it will exhaust."

Putting energy into everything will inevitably leave us physically and mentally exhausted.

The way you allocate your energy determines the depth of your life.

1. Avoid Energy Overuse, Focus on 1%

Human energy is easily distracted by trivial matters. However, for the present moment, there is often only one thing that is most important and urgent. To achieve the best results, focus on that 1%.

Only then can you maintain an excellent attitude and face all challenges with ease.

2. Stay Away from Dopamine, Embrace Endorphins

In today's fast-paced life, our time is often stolen by short-term pleasures.

Spending hours on short videos or games can leave us feeling exhausted without accomplishing anything. Instead of indulging in instant dopamine-driven pleasures, try seeking long-term happiness from endorphins.

For example, reading a good book, learning a new skill, or engaging in physical exercise.

Only then can you avoid becoming a prisoner of shallow pleasures and enrich your spiritual world for long-term benefits.

3. Reduce Procrastination, Take More Action

The ancients said: "Think thrice before acting." Thinking three times is to ensure thoroughness in actions, not to create barriers for oneself. Starting to act only at the last moment always leaves us feeling inadequate and unsatisfied with the results.

 

Procrastination-induced contemplation does not help us; it only ties us down. Only by immediately engaging in action can we avoid meaningless procrastination.

Minimalize Your Emotions

"No one can make you unhappy; it is you who chooses to make yourself unhappy."

As we reach middle age, our hearts become more sensitive, often getting upset over trivial matters. Our time and energy are wasted every day in emotional turmoil, unable to break free. Only by simplifying our emotions can we avoid being overwhelmed by negativity.

4. Avoid Easily Labeling Things with Emotions

Many things in life, like a coin, have two sides, with no absolute good or bad. However, we often become anxious early on over something that hasn't been decided yet.

But good things may hide crises, and bad things may contain opportunities. Maintain such a mindset, control emotions, and let things happen naturally.

5. Shift Your Focus Away from Negative Emotions

In life, there are inevitably things, big and small, that upset us. However, some people quickly move on from the same emotions, while others are deeply trapped and unable to escape.

Learning to shift your attention promptly is a good way to overcome negative emotions. Clean your room to dispel emotional clouds; watch a movie to free yourself from emotional control. By breaking free from the emotional quagmire, you will discover more beauty in life when you dare to look up.

6. Dance with Life's Uncertainty

Have you heard this saying: "The greatest certainty in life is its uncertainty"?

Life is unpredictable, and anything can happen.

Therefore, there is no need to worry about the past or be anxious about the future. Face life's ups and downs with a calm mind and embrace its uncertainties with equanimity.

Minimalize Your Material Possessions

Nowadays, living conditions are getting better and better.

We continue to accelerate, but the burden on our shoulders also grows.

Only when we learn to simplify and declutter our material lives can we achieve the most comfortable state of being.

7. Examine Your Needs, Choose Carefully

The value of an item is truly reflected in the person who needs it most. However, faced with a plethora of goods, we are often attracted and distracted. We overlook whether we really need the item. Only when we realize our true needs can we achieve material minimalism at its root.

8.Control Quantity, Ensure Quality

Having the same purchasing power, buying more does not necessarily mean the best deal. Inexpensive items often have short lifespans and low usage frequencies. Within our means, purchase the most desirable, suitable, and high-quality item.

Remember two shopping rules: quality over style, and quality over quantity.

9. Cut Off Attachments, Regularly Declutter

Only when we embark on a major cleaning spree do we realize how much we have "collected." The space occupied by these items also encroaches on our mental space.

The more we are occupied by material possessions, the stronger our sense of lack. Learn to choose and let go of attachments to material items.

Regularly declutter unnecessary items and clear blocked spaces, which is also a way to declutter our inner selves.

Minimalize Your Relationships

In the past, we always hoped to have many people around us, thinking that knowing many people was a sign of social integration.

However, as we have to maintain and manage more and more interpersonal relationships, we realize that overly complicated socializing is not luck but a burden.

Good relationships nurture us, but bad ones burden us.

10. Maintain Boundaries, Stay Within Limits

The so-called sense of boundaries ultimately boils down to moderation. Without a sense of boundaries, social life loses its principles. However, the best relationships are not about boundaries between you and me, but about staying within limits.

When interacting with others, give yourself and others appropriate space, which is a kind of cultivation and wisdom.

11. Regularly Clean Up Your Social Circle

Friends are not about quantity but quality. While we care about the size of our circle, we also need to pay attention to the quality of our circle at all times. If a relationship often makes you uncomfortable, it is necessary to remove unsuitable people from your life.

Those who do not regularly clean up their social circles will waste their entire lives because of the appearance of a speck of dust.

12. Learn to Enjoy Solitude, Cultivate Yourself

We often say: "Your relationship with yourself is your relationship with the world."

 

The reason why we need solitude is to integrate internally, let go of pleasing others, and learn to treat ourselves well. When alone, enjoy the process of returning to life and keep moving forward.

Minimalize Your Diet

Eating is essential for maintaining health.

Many people pursue a lifestyle of "milk tea and cakes during the day, beer and barbecue at night." However, excessive indulgence satisfies momentary desires but burdens the body.

Eating well and simplifying your diet is an attitude toward life and a fundamental act of self-love.

13. Reduce Takeout, Cook Your Own Meals

Pursuing the right lifestyle begins with making changes in your diet. When faced with indecision and hesitation while ordering food on your phone, you add a bit of anxiety to yourself.

By reasonably reducing takeout and trying to cook for yourself, you can enjoy convenient, nutritious meals while saving money and improving your quality of life.

14. Healthy Eating, Balanced Diet

As we reach middle age, our bodies are no longer as resilient as they were when we were young. Eating properly and supplementing our bodies with nutrition has become the hottest topic for middle-aged people.

The key is not to eat whatever you like but to eat a bit of everything.

Fish, meat, eggs, dairy, grains, fruits, and vegetables, combined with fish and shrimp, can provide balanced nutrition and improve bodily functions.

15. Control Desires, Moderate Eating

The most important aspect of a minimalist diet is to control desires.

Especially as we age, if we indulge ourselves in high-fat, high-salt, and high-sugar foods, our bodies will soon raise red flags. Eating smaller, more frequent meals and keeping them light is the healthiest way of life.

Minimalize Your Work

As we enter middle age, our careers reach a critical juncture.

At this time, our physical fitness is not as good as that of young people, and family pressure far exceeds that of young people.

Learning to simplify work, maintaining a good attitude, avoiding self-consumption, and better dealing with middle-aged crises.

 

16. Set Priorities, Distinguish Tasks

Why does it always feel like there's so much work to do, and despite our best efforts, we can't seem to finish it?

That's because we haven't grasped the essence of the work and haven't been able to focus our energy on solving key problems.

Prioritize your work, solve key issues first, and the rest of the work will be easier to handle.

17. Plan Ahead Daily, Control Your Work Pace

Facing work always feels bewildering, not knowing where to start. This is because we lack foresight in our work. Planning and arranging in advance not only allows us to control the pace of our work but also makes the progress of our work orderly.

18. Leave Work Emotions at Work

As we age, we increasingly understand the distinction between work and life. Work-related emotions should be resolved at work, not brought back home to upset family members.

Adjust your emotions promptly, balance work and life.

Playing our roles well, adjusting and transitioning in a timely manner, can make both life and work smooth and fulfilling.

In fact, everyone's real needs are not too many. Ninety-nine percent of things in life often have nothing to do with us.

The essence of life is a process of simplifying and decluttering.

The simpler life is, the happier and more advanced it becomes.

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Revitalize: Embracing Exercise for Lifelong Well-being After Middle Age

Have you ever experienced this:

When work stress mounts and you feel restless, going for a run immediately lifts your mood significantly.

Feeling sad and down, struggling to get motivated, breaking into sweat quickly brings relief.

Exercise seems to have a magical effect, releasing stress, relieving boredom, and swiftly lifting you out of emotional turmoil.

Just 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise can immediately improve depressive moods and restore a sense of pleasure.

"If you're feeling down, exercising will lift your mood, and that feeling of knowing you're about to get better will completely change your mindset."

As people enter middle age, work, life, and family matters pile up, bringing constant worries.

Instead of feeling lost in emotional turmoil, why not dissipate it through the joy of exercise?

Getting moving is actually the simplest way for us to relieve anxiety and stress.

Exercise is a quick-acting remedy for emotional healing.

Psychologists have found that exercise has "short-term emotional effects".

Specifically, after exercise, levels of negative emotions like anxiety and depression significantly decrease, while feelings of happiness significantly increase.

This phenomenon is determined by the unique structure of the human body:

When faced with difficulties, the amygdala in the brain continuously releases stress hormones, making us feel nervous and anxious.

Exercise allows the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus in the body to inhibit the excessive reaction of the amygdala, thereby alleviating emotions.

As the saying goes, "Exercise is a quick-acting remedy for emotional healing."

I once came across a story shared by a netizen, which left a deep impression:

An elder, in his fifties, lost his son.

Unable to accept reality, he was melancholic all day long, shedding tears.

One fine day, the elder's office organized a running event.

His colleagues hoped to change his mood and took the initiative to sign him up and brought him to the event.

After persevering through it, this elder completed the entire run.

Unexpectedly, it was this exhilarating run that began to change his life:

Upon reaching the finish line, he listened to his own heartbeat and felt an unprecedented sense of relaxation.

And all the negative emotions seemed to be temporarily forgotten.

From then on, he started morning runs regularly.

Day after day, he gradually emerged from the pain of losing his son, no longer feeling angry or sad all day long, and even became more emotionally stable than before.

Exercise is an efficient "spiritual detox," evaporating negative emotions along with sweat, refreshing both body and mind.

So, when you're feeling down, why not exercise? Go for a run, punch a bag, kick a ball, swim...

With the rhythmic breathing and stretching of the body, the shackles of emotions will quietly loosen, and everything will return to peace without a fuss.

Finnish scientists have conducted specialized experiments on this:

They found 10 pairs of twins and had one exercise at least twice a week, while the other one did not exercise.

Three years later, it was found that those who exercised every week had clearer thinking, and were better able to cope with stress.

To gain continuous emotional control, one must maintain a long-term exercise habit.

In this way, emotional issues can be addressed from the root.

Middle age is a time when the waves of stress are constantly rising and falling:

The oppression of setbacks in the workplace, pessimism in marriage, and helplessness in life... The waves of emotions challenge our hearts time and time again.

And exercise is the simplest way to improve cognition and manage emotions.

By constantly elevating cognition through exercise, one can truly gain the power to resist the flood of emotions.

In this way, even with the twists and turns of life, we can still find a way out.

Exercise not only heals the present gloomy mood but also provides long-lasting spiritual nourishment.

To manage your emotions through exercise, you may consider the following suggestions:

Choose exercises based on emotions to quickly dispel negativity.

Feeling angry? Try boxing.

Overwhelmed with stress? Try yoga.

Feeling impulsive? Go hiking.

Feeling sad and upset? Dive into the pool.

Maintain a long-term exercise habit to hold the key to emotions.

In addition to short-term emotional relief, making exercise a habit to thoroughly improve cognition and enhance the ability to manage emotions.

Regarding the perseverance of long-term exercise, here are some suggestions:

Exercise at least 3 times a week, each time for about 45 minutes.

Focus on aerobic training, while also incorporating strength training, ensuring a significant increase in heart rate during exercise.

Maintain enthusiasm for exercise and avoid giving up halfway. Here are a few tips to use:

a. Set gradual goals

b. Diversify exercise choices

c. Join a sports groups

Middle age is an age when life is not easy, but we must persevere.

When you encounter setbacks and are filled with sadness, go exercise.

With your head held high, sweat pouring, the haze in your heart will eventually dissipate.

When you feel anxious and stuck in inner conflicts, also go exercise.

Stretch out your arms, keep moving, and all the suppression will vanish with the wind.

When you are self-sufficient and disciplined enough, you will find that there are no hurdles that cannot be overcome and no problems that cannot be solved.

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Escaping the Comfort Zone: The Most Toxic Chicken Soup I Ever Had

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Escaping the Comfort Zone: The Most Toxic Chicken Soup I Ever Had

As the end of the year approaches, it seems like everyone is falling into various states of confusion:

Maybe you're about to graduate, torn between the careers your family recommend and your own aspirations;

Maybe you've been working hard for years, only to find that your job no longer suits you;

Or perhaps you want to invest your energy outside of work and find a side hustle that suits you.

At times like these, it seems like everyone around you is earnestly advising:

"Staying in your comfort zone all the time will make you stagnant; only by stepping out of your comfort zone can you become a better version of yourself."

But what's the reality?

When you want to step out but lack suitable references, you can't help but feel lost and confused.

Is stepping out of the comfort zone really about going to uncomfortable places?

The more appropriate advice should be trying to continually expand our comfort zone to make more things comfortable for us.

Stepping out of the comfort zone isn't about breaking it, but about establishing and expanding more comfort zones.

Everything should be based on your own capabilities, take it easy.

As soon as you hear the word "comfort," many people's first reaction is to think it's not progressive.

"Young people should strive hard. If you don't work hard now, you'll regret it later."

"Why don't you go for a master's degree? Having a degree will make it much easier to find a job or switch jobs."

This panic of falling behind forces those who have finally caught their breath to keep busy.

Once they stumble, there are people behind them saying with a strange tone, "See, I knew it wouldn't work. I should have advised you to change earlier."

Feeling restless and wanting to relax online, what you see is:

Naturally beautiful women still doing homework every day to maintain their appearance; knowledgeable scholars tirelessly sharing study abroad opportunities; sweet couples continuously recommending items to warm up their relationships...

These groundless "appearance anxiety," "financial anxiety," and "educational anxiety" spring up like whirlpools.

So, we start desperately trying to escape our old selves.

But have you ever thought that this isn't stepping out of your comfort zone but stepping into the circle drawn by others?

Many netizens have asked, "Is choosing to stay in your comfort zone not progressive?"

Jumping around, hitting walls everywhere, she still didn't live the better life her mother wanted.

Stepping away from comfort and embracing discomfort must be the right thing to do, right?

Even if you listen to others and change your environment, what then?

For someone who doesn't like studying, even if you drag them to the library, they'll still play with their phones;

For someone who's used to living in the countryside, even if you take them to adapt to the big city, they still can't seek change.

The stupidest thing is to abandon your strengths and desperately try to compete with others in areas where you're weak, suddenly switch careers to compete with experts.

And those who advise you to step out of your comfort zone with ill intentions are just trying to make money off your anxiety.

There's absolutely no need to use the "glamorous and bright" in other people's mouths as a reference to measure your own life.

Being blindly led by others will only bury your own brilliance.

Just like for fish, stepping out of the comfort zone should be from the pond to the river, not from water to land.

What we really should do is to base everything on ourselves and take it easy.

After all, in this life, knowing who you are, what you want to do, is enough.

Stepping out of the comfort zone is a ridiculous idea.

When you're in your comfort zone, you feel like you're in control and safe;

When you're in the learning zone, you face challenges but don't feel too uncomfortable;

When you jump into the panic zone, facing things far beyond your abilities, you're very likely to collapse.

That's why truly smart people never easily step out of their comfort zone but constantly expand it.

As the saying goes, "Not everyone has to live like a warrior in life."

If you like reading and writing, there's no need to force yourself to rely on speaking to make a living;

If you like to work quietly alone, there's no need to force yourself to be sociable;

Only by forgetting about the idea of "stepping out" and trying to expand your comfort zone as much as possible, getting familiar with more and more environments, will your heart be more stable.

In this way, your life will have both relaxed pleasure and high-speed fun.

In the end, every area becomes your comfort zone.

Such a life is wonderful.

I once heard a saying:

The scariest thing for a person is to stay in one place all the time, limit their own life, and draw lines, missing out on more possibilities.

Indeed, if you stay in your comfort zone for too long, it will become a breeding ground for laziness.

But to avoid this situation, you don't necessarily have to go to extremes.

It's more like a tree, firmly rooted in the ground to withstand the storm.

Digging Deep into the Comfort Zone: Creating New Layers Around What You're Good At

I think of a friend around me.

She has worked for two well-known media companies, and then she jumped to a booming tech company.

In theory, such a woman with career planning and professional skills should continue to advance step by step and strive for better jobs in the workplace.

But two years ago, she suddenly told me that she had quit her job and planned to start her own media platform.

I asked her why, and she only said that in today's rapidly changing content landscape, she wanted to explore more possibilities related to "writing."

In hindsight, she was right and met a better version of herself in her passion.

After all the twists and turns, it's hard for a person to get rid of their talents, interests, and industry accumulations to do things.

Without talent, you can't be strong; without interests, you can't last long; without industry experience, it's impossible to make money.

Just like why a compass can draw circles, because it has its center of gravity.

Life is like drawing a circle.

Once you've determined the center, just keep going, and you'll draw a complete circle.

Expanding the Comfort Zone: Expand the Edge of the Comfort Zone Outward and Turn the Learning Zone into the Comfort Zone

So how do you gradually expand your comfort zone?

A line from a movie might inspire us—

"You have to go to a restaurant one day and order a dish you've never ordered before, eat it all, and then realize it's quite delicious."

In daily life, you might as well set aside 15% of your time and energy to try things you've never done before, understand aspects of life or ideas you've never tried to understand.

For example, buy a book you've never been interested in before, sign up for a course you've never thought of taking, accept an invitation you were planning to refuse, or actively talk to a colleague you're not very familiar with...

You don't have to force yourself to go out, just try to explore the edge of your comfort zone slowly and expand it.

It's like when a gym trainer asks students to do two more sets of exercises when they can't.

You might ask why, but actually, doing these two extra sets each time promotes the continuous tearing and growth of muscles, ultimately achieving the goal of fitness.

That's 80% comfortable and 20% boundary breakthroughs.

Once you take the first step, you'll find that it's not as terrifying as you thought.

Someone once asked about "how to step out of the comfort zone," and expert only replied with, "Why?"

Expert isn't asking for a reason, but letting the person ask himself why he want to step out of his comfort zone. Once you have an answer, you naturally know how to do it."

Indeed, the answer to this question lies within ourselves.

When you know who you are, where to go, and what to do, whether you're inside or outside the circle becomes irrelevant.

Next year, if someone advises you to step out of your comfort zone again, you can confidently reply:

"No need, I've already learned how to expand my own comfort zone."

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Ghosted: The Ultimate Adult Rejection

In this fast-paced world, communication between people has become increasingly important. However, rejection is an inevitable part of everyone's life. For adults, the most ruthless rejection may not be a straightforward "no," but rather the silent "ghosting."

In social situations, we often encounter scenarios where we receive a message but choose not to respond after reading it. Behind this "not responding" behavior, there are many complex psychological activities and social factors at play. Today, let's delve into this topic, analyze the reasons behind "not responding," and discuss how to deal with such situations.

In the adult world, rejection often requires strategy and tact. Directly saying "no" may hurt the other person's feelings, leading to embarrassment or even conflict. In contrast, "not responding" seems to be a more subtle and implicit way. Through this approach, the rejecter can avoid direct conflict while also conveying an unspoken signal — rejection.

Busyness and Distraction:

Modern life is fast-paced, and people often face various trivial matters and distractions. Sometimes, we receive a message but, due to being busy with other tasks or having our attention divided, we fail to respond promptly. As time passes, the urge to reply or the sense of responsibility gradually diminishes, leading to the choice of not responding.

Uncertainty of How to Respond:

In some situations, people may receive questions or requests that are difficult to answer, leaving them unsure of how to respond. To avoid the embarrassment or misunderstanding that may arise from giving an improper response, they choose not to reply to maintain silence.

Avoiding Conflict or Harming Others' Feelings:

Sometimes, the words of rejection may hurt others and lead to unnecessary conflicts. To avoid such situations, some people choose not to respond as an indirect way to express their stance and attitude.

Understanding Individual Differences:

Everyone has their own habits and ways of doing things. Some people may indeed choose not to respond due to personality traits or habits, not out of intention.

In such cases, understanding individual differences and respecting the other person's way of doing things is crucial.

Clear Communication Goals:

Before sending a message, it's essential to clarify one's communication goals and expectations. If you expect a response from the other party, clearly state your request in the message to avoid ambiguity.

Maintaining Reasonable Expectations:

Not everyone will respond to your messages promptly, which does not necessarily mean they disrespect you or are indifferent. Sometimes, people may need time to think or deal with things. Therefore, maintaining reasonable expectations can help reduce unnecessary distress.

Honest Communication:

If you feel dissatisfied or confused about someone's lack of response, instead of speculating in your mind, it's better to choose an appropriate time to have an honest conversation with them. Through open and honest dialogue, we can better understand each other's needs and expectations, promoting the harmonious development of relationships.

Self-reflection and Learning:

Put yourself in others' shoes and reflect on your own handling of others' messages. Have there been situations where you forgot to reply due to busyness or other reasons? Learn from these experiences and remind yourself to respond to others' messages promptly, cultivating good communication habits.

In conclusion, "ghosting" as a rejection method is quite prevalent among adults. Understanding the reasons behind it and ways to deal with it can help us better navigate the subtle interactions in interpersonal relationships. Through understanding, honest communication, self-reflection, and learning, we can maturely handle such situations and inject more harmony and trust into our relationships with others.

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Beyond Kindness: The Power Play in Relations

Interpersonal relationships are the mutual connections and interactions between people, forming a complex and subtle network. In this network, our relationships with others are not solely based on our kindness and efforts towards them but are closely related to our own strength and resources. This cruel reality tells us that the power disparity in interpersonal relationships is unavoidable.

First and foremost, we need to understand the nature of interpersonal relationships. They involve a process of exchanging interests and interactions, where people constantly seek to establish connections with others for their own benefit. This establishment of connections is often based on the resources and capabilities each party possesses, rather than mere emotions. Therefore, when our strength and resources are sufficient, we have more chips to exchange benefits with others, thereby forming better interpersonal relationships.

Secondly, an individual's strength determines their position and influence in interpersonal relationships. In such relationships, power often serves as the foundation of authority. Having more resources and capabilities means we have greater authority and influence. We can attract others to establish connections with us by providing assistance, support, or opportunities. Conversely, when we rely on others, our position is relatively weaker, and we need to depend on them to obtain the benefits and resources we require.

However, this power-based interpersonal relationship does not imply that we should pursue our interests at all costs. In interpersonal relationships, we should always uphold principles of fairness, integrity, and honesty. Our strength is not only reflected in the number of chips we hold but also in our character and behavior. Only by striving for our interests through legitimate means and ways can we establish truly healthy and harmonious interpersonal relationships.

Furthermore, we should also recognize that interpersonal relationships are not one-sided; they involve mutual interaction and influence. Although our strength may be insufficient, we can compensate for our weaknesses by cooperating and assisting others. Uniting others and establishing a good network of interpersonal relationships can enhance our overall strength and resources, thus placing us in a more advantageous position within these relationships.

Lastly, we need to understand the complexity and variability of interpersonal relationships. Relationships between people are extensive and constantly changing, influenced by various factors such as interests, emotions, and ideologies. We should not solely focus on our current strength and chips but should always pay attention to and adjust our own state and attitude to adapt to the ever-changing nature of interpersonal relationships.

The brutal reality of interpersonal relationships tells us that our relationship with others is not solely determined by how good we are to them but also by our own strength and resources. We need to understand the nature of interpersonal relationships, recognize the importance of strength and resources within them, but at the same time, not overlook principles of honesty and integrity. Through cooperation and mutual assistance with others, we can compensate for our weaknesses and establish healthy, harmonious interpersonal relationships. Most importantly, we need to constantly pay attention to and adjust our own state and attitude to address the various challenges and changes in interpersonal relationships.

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Golden Years Prep: Three Essentials for Happiness

Recently, I came across a popular video on a certain platform. An 88-year-old ex teacher was interviewed on the roadside: "What are your thoughts on old age?" The elderly person firmly responded, "No surgery, no intubation, no resuscitation. Especially, no admission to the intensive care unit." When asked for the reason, the elderly person said, "At my age, death is inevitable. Resuscitation would not only make me suffer but also waste national resources. These resources are better used to save young people." While the elderly person's open-mindedness is admirable, can their children agree?

"I always tell them, instead of forcibly holding onto your parents' physical bodies, think about the influence your parents had on you. Keeping these good memories is enough." This insightful dialogue garnered millions of likes from netizens.

 "A good death is better than a life of painful lingering" is a deeply rooted concept among countless people. "Longevity" has always been assumed to be the best blessing for the elderly. However, is a long life equivalent to a happy life?

More and more elderly people are beginning to offer "unconventional" answers. I once read a story about a senior who suffered a sudden stroke and was rushed to the hospital. After doctors made every effort to save his life, they managed to bring him back from the brink. However, for the rest of his life, he needed round-the-clock care from medical staff to continue living. In other words, he became a "living dead" person.

Yet, his daughter insisted on not giving up her father's life. As a result, the elderly man spent four years in the ICU before multiple organ failure led to his demise. While the daughter's filial piety is commendable, doctors have a different view: "Although we extended his life, we did not improve his quality of life." "Family members can visit for only one hour a day. What his daughter sees is that he seems happy during that one hour. So, she thinks he's happy every day. But what we see is the patient suffering for the remaining 23 hours."

The daughter of the elderly man was once asked, "Have you ever thought that perhaps your father would prefer to pass away more peacefully?" She replied, "I dare not think about it, nor do I want to. At least for now, I can afford to give him the best treatment, which makes me feel better." Of course, as children, it's very difficult for us to actively give up our parents' lives! As long as we can still save them, we want to keep our parents with us for another day.

But if we look at it from a different perspective, if the elderly person can express their wishes, would they praise their children's filial piety, or would they criticize their children for making them suffer? The elderly person may not bear to make such a choice, but I believe everyone has their own answer in their hearts. Regardless of whether we are willing to admit it, longevity is premised on "health." Otherwise, it's "living in suffering."

In this regard, elderly people often see more clearly than young people. "Many elderly people have been eating medication for a long time, ruining their bodies." Therefore, more and more elderly people are adopting the retirement philosophy of "treating minor illnesses, accepting major illnesses, and not pursuing excessive medical treatment." "The sooner you go, the better. Don't burden your children and end up with nothing."

"Living longer" is becoming easier, but "living well" is becoming more difficult.

Despite advances in medical conditions and improvements in living standards, why are so many elderly people less inclined to "live" now? It's because while society has progressed, elderly care has become more challenging. Foremost among them is the fact that "raising children is no longer a guarantee against old age."

It's not that children don't want to be filial, but they are truly powerless. I once saw a video online. A senior was bedridden for 16 years, and it was his daughter in her fifties who took care of him. Every day, she had to lift him in and out of bed, clean up his waste, bathe him, feed him, give him medicine, and take him for walks... Every day, for 16 years.

This is indeed a perfect example of "raising children to prevent old age."

But what about the other side of the story?

The senior had a pension that could cover most of his living expenses; the daughter retired early, giving up her personal life entirely to care for her father; the son-in-law took on most of the work of earning money and raising children; the daughter's family had no financial pressure from mortgages or car loans; there were other relatives in the family who could occasionally share the responsibility of caregiving.

Behind this "perfect" filial piety are the aggregation of numerous conditions and countless sacrifices. It's difficult to replicate in every family. We always remember "raising children to prevent old age" as a tradition, but forget that "it was a product of a specific era." In the past, medical conditions were poor, and parents generally did not live long.

There were fewer elderly people suffering from dementia or hemiplegia, and caring for them was not as difficult as it is now. Plus, at that time, every family's finances were similar, there were more children, and many women didn't work. "There was not much financial pressure"  making it less difficult to support elderly parents.

But what about now?

For couples with children, life becomes unsustainable if one doesn't go out to earn money. Although the elderly are living longer, they are also plagued by various illnesses, requiring long-term care. Parents, children, work, mortgages, car loans—all these are mountains pressing down on middle-aged people.

This forces children to make sacrifices. Although everyone makes different choices, under the harsh reality, there are always parents who "can't rely on" their children. So, if not relying on children, what about relying on society? Currently, our society's elderly care mainly consists of "home-based care" or "nursing homes."

Elderly people who can take care of themselves mostly choose to stay at home, which is free and saves money. As for the elderly people who are sent to nursing homes, they generally have various illnesses, and they lose some of their ability to care for themselves.

"Not making mistakes" is the caregivers' top priority. "Making the elderly happy" can only be an added bonus. Therefore, the "hardship" in nursing homes does not come from the news about elderly abuse but rather because: under limited manpower conditions, only basic care and some emotional support can be provided to the elderly.

Ensuring that the elderly "stay alive" rather than "live well." As you can see, although medical advances unilaterally extend the lives of the elderly, how they can live well remains a "dilemma." After retirement, some elderly people learn swimming, painting, calligraphy, or singing. Even if their children are not around, their lives are fulfilling and happy.

Happy people are always similar. Many elderly people who have a good late life understand one thing: "Elderly care depends on oneself." Life can never be perfect at any age.

We can always find a lifestyle that suits us better among them. Prepare three savings:

I once saw a sentence online that inspired me: "Elderly care is actually choosing a way to grow old gracefully. There is no limit to the method, and there is no standard answer.

But the most important thing is: always remember to put yourself first."

To spend your old age more comfortably, I suggest everyone include "retirement planning" in their life plan. Starting from now, prepare the following "three savings":

1.Financial savings

The reason why money is important is that it gives the elderly "choices": they can buy what they want to eat, go wherever they want; if their children are not filial, they can hire caregivers to live alone without worrying about their children's faces; and in case of illness, having money in their pockets will ease their minds. When it comes to elderly care, money is definitely more reliable than children.

Many elderly people have been frugal all their lives, just to subsidize their children.

But really don't do this.

You can occasionally help your children in emergencies, but never make it an entitlement. Leave the money to yourself, and let your children take responsibility for their own lives. Taking care of ourselves with money is the greatest help we can give our children.

2.Psychological value savings

Many elderly people have a smooth material life in their old age, but they always feel bitter inside because they base their happiness on "their children's companionship." Why not change your perspective? Treat your old age as your "second life."

Make your own "bucket list," try things you like, and learn to make yourself happy. We've worked hard all our lives, and it's only in our old age that we finally have the "money and leisure." We must make the most of it.

3.Health savings

Undoubtedly, "health" is the most important condition for elderly care. But it's placed last because it's also the most uncontrollable and powerless part for the elderly. No one can stop the aging and deterioration of the body.

So, while your body is still healthy, eat clean food, exercise regularly, and take care of your physical and mental health. Once illness strikes, learn to accept the decline of life naturally. "Treat minor illnesses, accept major illnesses, and avoid excessive medical treatment," allowing life to end gracefully and gently.

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Hard to Handle, Hard to Ignore: The Respect Dilemma

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Hard to Handle, Hard to Ignore: The Respect Dilemma

Have you ever had such an experience: wanting to be kind to others, speaking softly, but always being bossed around and not treated equally in return? Wanting to avoid conflict, diligently doing your own job, but constantly being suppressed and excluded? In life, not all kindness is met with kindness in return. Sometimes, the more you sacrifice yourself to accommodate others, the more you're seen as an easy target, and you're gradually pushed into a corner.

If you've experienced such situations, then I suggest you start today by being a kind but "difficult to deal with" woman. Living with edges and corners, there are times when you must stand firm.

By doing so, you're more likely to gain respect and move towards happiness.

Stick to your bottom line

There was a neighbor before, whose mother-in-law had a fierce and domineering personality. From the renovation of her son and daughter-in-law's marital home to the couple's financial situation, she had to intervene in everything.

At first, she made her son hand over his salary after getting married, claiming that young people spend money recklessly, so she would manage it for him. Then she demanded that her daughter-in-law cut ties with her own family after receiving the betrothal gifts, insisting that everything should be controlled by her family. For other people, even if they felt that the mother-in-law's demands were unreasonable, they could only passively tolerate and retreat, afraid to cause too much conflict openly.

But this daughter-in-law refused to give in. She argued based on reason, stating that she could contribute to household expenses every month, but with the pressure of mortgage and car payments, she couldn't give up her salary. As for cutting ties with her own parents, it involved her principles and bottom line, which she couldn't agree to under any circumstances.

 If the mother-in-law continued to insist, she would publicize these matters and let everyone judge. Seeing the daughter-in-law's strong attitude, the mother-in-law had no choice but to retract her demands. Later, the same situation occurred several times, and the mother-in-law no longer dared to exclude her daughter-in-law, but treated her with the respect she deserved.

In a woman's life, she inevitably faces different roles and challenges. But whether it's establishing herself in her in-laws' home or managing her marriage and life, those women who truly thrive have their own principles and bottom line, remaining neither humble nor pushy. Besides sticking to her beliefs, it's more important to convey her attitude to everyone, telling them: "I'm not easy to bully, and crossing my bottom line will come with consequences." Women like this naturally exude confidence and toughness from within, making them unassailable whether facing their in-laws or anyone else.

Dare to reject anyone who doesn't seek to please

If you carefully observe people in the workplace, you'll find that those who work tirelessly for the lowest salary in the company are always the most agreeable ones. For example, in a previous company, there were two interns with similar educational backgrounds, both diligent and responsible.

The difference was that one, let’s call her A, was timid. Every time she was asked to do something by her colleagues, she hesitated to refuse, fearing that it would affect her relationships with them. As a result, she ended up with more and more tasks, becoming busier and more chaotic, and some colleagues even resented her for helping others but not them.

In contrast, the other intern, let's call her B, remained calm and composed. Similarly asked by colleagues to take on extra tasks, she helped where she could, but firmly refused when it exceeded her capabilities, investing more time and energy into her own work.

So what do you think happened? Initially, some colleagues also had some resentment towards B, feeling that she was too arrogant. But because B had fewer miscellaneous tasks, higher efficiency, and achieved more outstanding results, the leadership appreciated her more. Seeing this, everyone began to approach her, and she became even more popular in the company.

There's an unspoken rule in human interaction: people bully the weak and fear the strong. No one will actively seek confrontation; it's easier to manipulate those who are compliant. So don't let yourself be the compliant one anymore. At any time, in any situation, respect your own needs first. 

Clearly refuse to do things you don't want to do or can't do. Don't be afraid of offending people, and don't care too much about others' opinions; being disliked is a normal part of life. But first and foremost, respect yourself, and you may earn the respect of others.

Have your own opinions

Some time ago, I received a message from a college roommate I hadn't seen in a long time: "I've been having a tough time these past few years." Upon inquiry, I learned that she was being ignored by her company, with leaders and colleagues disregarding her feelings.

During Public holiday, she was scheduled to work overtime, and she was also assigned difficult clients to handle regularly. I asked her, "Have you ever expressed your thoughts to the company?" She replied that when the leaders arranged overtime work for the National Day and asked everyone for their preferences, she was afraid of upsetting the leaders by directly refusing, so she chose to give an ambiguous reply: "I'm fine with anything, whatever you decide."

After hearing her response, I immediately understood where the problem lay. In my memory, she had always been a person without her own opinions since college. When classmates gathered for meals and asked what dishes she wanted, she would say anything was fine; when tasks were assigned for class activities, and opinions were solicited, she would say anything was okay, indifferent. Over time, people gradually stopped asking for her opinions, and she became increasingly ignored, silent and obedient, following others' lead.

To be honest, each of us is more or less like her, clearly involved in matters concerning ourselves but afraid to make decisions. Afraid of making the wrong choice, afraid of making mistakes, always hoping that others will make decisions for us. 

As a result, over time, we gradually lose our own values, lose our personality, and become easily influenced by others' opinions. Those women who are difficult to deal with are the opposite. They never blindly follow others but clearly know what they want. No external disturbances can shake their inner decisions.

However, having opinions doesn't mean being aggressive or confrontational. Instead, it means having your own thoughts and judgment, respecting others' opinions but not easily being swayed by external influences. If you can do this, others won't dare to underestimate you easily. In human interactions, honesty and kindness are not enough; being too honest and too kind may even provoke the evil in human nature.

Instead, it's those who are difficult to deal with that others dare not easily offend, inadvertently avoiding many troubles for themselves. So, ladies, from now on, please deliberately cultivate the quality of being "difficult to deal with." In your interactions with others, you can be a little tough, have a bit of a temper, and appropriately show your sharpness.

Learn to defend your boundaries and maintain your viewpoints, so that you can protect yourself when necessary and live a relaxed and comfortable life.

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Secrets of Emotional Intelligence: 4 Relationship Don'ts

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Secrets of Emotional Intelligence: 4 Relationship Don'ts

You've probably heard the saying that all efforts in life result in either being laughed at or being effective. The ultimate outcome depends on how you manage things. Over the past few years, there have been increasing stories about interpersonal relationships. Some relationships, when managed well, become lifelong friendships; others, when mishandled, become the subject of ridicule.

When it comes to interacting with others, what principles should we adhere to? What boundaries should we maintain? Here are a few key points that we mustn't overlook:

1. Ignore Unnotified Events:

Be smart about it. Regardless of what's happening in someone else's family, if they haven't informed you, just pretend you don't know. And afterward, don't inquire about it either. Why?

A friend once shared a story. When he was young, he used to mingle in circles whether or not he was invited. He'd eagerly join friends for dinners or family gatherings, whether formally invited or not. One time, he happened to run into some friends who were quietly planning a barbecue. They didn't intend to make a big deal out of it, but he tagged along anyway. "I still remember the looks on their faces when they saw me. The table fell silent. They looked at me in surprise, and I innocently looked back at them." 

That meal was excruciatingly uncomfortable for him. He sensed that the people around him had something they wanted to say. But upon seeing him, they chose polite smiles instead.

That experience made him realize: in interpersonal relationships, if someone doesn't inform you about an event, it means either you're not close enough or you shouldn't be attending that gathering. If you attend out of mere curiosity, you'll end up not only embarrassing yourself but also the host.

Of course, there's one exception to this social principle, as we often say: "Attend joyous events (weddings) only when invited; attend non-joyous events (funerals) even when not invited."

The most crucial aspect of interpersonal relationships is knowing when to attend which events, and when not to. That's the discretion expected of an adult. Remember, a smart person's strength lies in their intellect. Often, controlling the situation also means understanding the boundaries and limits of interpersonal relationships.

2. Refrain from Arguing:

Different perspectives don't always necessitate debate. Have you ever wondered what it's like to communicate with someone who lacks understanding? Someone answered that communicating with such a person is distinctively tiresome because they want to argue against every word you say.

Their mantra is, "No, that's not it!" You might think they'll bring new insights, but upon closer examination, you realize they're just paraphrasing what you've said or arguing for the sake of it, lacking substantial evidence. 

Some people have "refutational personalities." They share a common trait: no matter how logical your argument, they'll oppose it with a few counterarguments. "No, that's not it!" is their eternal opening line. The most effective way to deal with them is to swiftly end the conversation when they start arguing.

Remember: it's wise to speak less in different positions. With differing understandings, it's best to avoid arguments altogether. Effortlessly restraining the urge to argue ensures a sense of propriety in interpersonal relationships.

3. Moderate Enthusiasm for New Acquaintances:

Instantly revealing your inner thoughts to someone is far from ideal. Innocence is a virtue, but in today's world, it's often mistaken for a lack of decorum. We can express ourselves appropriately, but remember not to overdo it.

One friend had a very outgoing personality and was very warm towards everyone she met. People around her liked her and saw her as a ray of sunshine. However, such relationships didn't last long; it was rumored that she had fallen out with those around her.

The reason lay solely in her talkativeness. She never paid attention to the closeness of relationships while conversing. Whether with strangers or close friends, she would chatter endlessly whenever she met someone. Whether discussing her family's affairs or friends' private matters, she would talk non-stop. Little did she know, such behavior would make listeners feel pressured or insecure. Over time, those around her gradually realized that to avoid becoming the subject of gossip, the best thing to do was to keep their distance from her. Consequently, fewer and fewer people were willing to be her friends.

In social interactions, "oversharing" has always been a major taboo. Sometimes what you perceive as genuine might be viewed as low emotional intelligence by others. Remember, between individuals, there are many topics that can only be discussed with specific individuals. Don't reveal too much too soon just because you feel a connection. And never bare your soul just because you're feeling impulsive.

Smart individuals understand that with new acquaintances, it's fine to talk about the weather, movies, or celebrities. But refrain from discussing yourself or others' private matters.

The art of getting along isn't about instantly becoming bosom buddies. It's about understanding the limits of social interaction, gradually deepening connections, which ultimately fosters better relationships.

4. Avoid Making Decisions for Others:

Have you encountered people like this in your life? They're domineering and always love giving advice to others. It's fine if they're capable. But if their advice isn't genuinely helpful due to their lack of competence, it could hasten the breakdown of relationships.

I once watched a video. A girl went to her best friend's house to vent, complaining about how difficult her job was. She felt like her boss was deliberately making things hard for her, giving her all the dirty and tiring work, but come bonus time, she got nothing. "I don't want to do it anymore. I'm exhausted. I want to quit," she lamented.

Listening to the girl's endless grievances, her best friend joined in the complaining, saying that if things were that bad, she should quit and assured her, "Don't worry, resign. I have a friend whose company is currently short of people; I'll recommend you." The girl perked up at the suggestion, ignoring the specifics of the job her friend recommended, and resigned the next day.

However, the available position didn't match her work experience; the clerical job she was qualified for had already been filled, leaving only a receptionist vacancy. Pressured by next month's rent and credit card bills, she reluctantly accepted the job. Barely two weeks into the job, she went back to her friend to complain, tinged with accusation: "Look at the job you recommended. It's just making tea, handling deliveries every day!" "It's worse than my previous job!"

In a few words, her friend's heart sank, and their once amicable friendship was ruined. One golden rule of social relationships is this: never make decisions for others for free. While you might think, "What's wrong with helping a good friend?" in their eyes, from the moment you utter those words, you're fully responsible for that decision. If your decision doesn't improve their situation, you become the culprit.

Remember, we can never truly empathize with someone else's situation, nor can we feel their current emotions. Making decisions for others without their consent is an overstep. In the end, it's likely to do more harm than good. If it succeeds, the other person might not even remember you; if it fails, you're definitely at fault.

Why bother?

Human interactions inevitably have many passionate moments. But the more passionate the moment, the more critical it is to understand that no matter how much you want to connect with the other person at that moment, you must keep a cool head. This isn't just self-preservation; it's fundamental to how we navigate the world. Of course, after all this discussion, it doesn't mean I'm suggesting you should stop socializing altogether.

"Socializing" is merely a tool. When used effectively, everyone benefits, and you can achieve a lot with a little. So, don't worry about complex rules, and don't fear difficult situations. Although humans are insignificant, they can learn, improve themselves, and grow. The value of humanity lies within itself. Life is a journey, with each step revealing new scenery and insights.

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Unlocking Likability: The Strategy of Indifference

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