Friday, June 14, 2024

Never Help Others Bully Yourself

"Every bad relationship carries a part of your responsibility because we inadvertently teach others how to treat us." Excessive humility and accommodation can lead to further bullying, while excessive dedication only brings about others' contempt. The way others treat you is influenced by what you permit. Hence, always remember; never help others bully you.

Without your consent, no one can hurt you.

In the world of adults, there exists a cruel rule of interaction: the more conscious you are about pleasing others, the more likely you are to be looked down upon.

Accepting boundless giving doesn't create harmonious relationships; it leads to increasing feelings of oppression. I have a friend who's seen as a do-gooder by colleagues and friends. During work hours, he helps colleagues with deliveries or buys them drinks. On weekends, whenever friends need to work overtime, he never hesitates to help. Regardless of whether the help needed is within his capability, he never refuses. However, even though he's incredibly busy, he doesn't receive the respect and gratitude he deserves. His friends' demands keep increasing, and when he can't fulfil them, they mock and belittle him.

If we consistently don't refuse, perhaps we don't hurt others, but we hurt ourselves. No one in this world can hurt you unless you first agree to their hurt. If you base your worth on the recognition of others, they will use this recognition to exploit you. If you always maintain a good temper, others will insult you repeatedly. People who genuinely like you appreciate your independence and assertiveness, not your subservience or eagerness to please others. To let your life shine, you must retain your own sharpness.

How You Treat Yourself is How Others Will Treat You

Not long ago, a friend complained to me that after several years of marriage, she transformed from a young and beautiful girl into a "desperate housewife." To care for her child, she had to quit her beloved job and save every penny for household expenses. However, her husband seemed oblivious to her efforts and, during an argument, resorted to calling her a "haggard old woman" and a "useless housewife."

Looking dejected, my friend asked me why such words were said. I glanced at her dishevelled hair, pale face, and worn-out T-shirt, shaking my head in response: "If you don't love yourself, no one is obliged to love you." The way people treat you is what you allow.

Blindly giving will only increase the chance of being unappreciated. As an adult, she selflessly cared for the family to enable her husband's career, but she never had a life or social connections of her own. Her long and diligent sacrifices never led to the love she anticipated.

"If you can't love yourself, it's difficult to love others." When one's self-worth is based on serving others, they inevitably face disdain and apathy. Only when you focus on yourself will the world start to love you.

Never Help Others Bully Yourself

"Don't fear offending someone due to a certain character; remember, no one can avoid annoying others. 90% of people, you can completely annoy them."

Too many relationships aren't worth your compromise. Only when you show your edge and boundaries can you put on strong armour for yourself.

Paz leads a life everyone admires. She handles work gracefully, her boyfriend is caring, and she has a close friend by her side. However, this seemingly perfect life behind the scenes is bitter and repressive.

Despite her diligence at work, her boss overlooks her efforts and promotes new employees. Her boyfriend boasts daily, always thinking about doing "great things" and relying on her for support. While she comforted her friend several times in distress, when she needed support, her friend remained indifferent to her feelings.

She always endured, taking care of others' emotions, yet in the end, nobody cared about her feelings.

Fed up with this meagre life, Paz decided she couldn't take it anymore. She angrily accused her boss of bias, scolded her boyfriend for being an "escapist parasite," and even snatched her friend's phone and threw it in the trash.

Although she resigned, broke up, and ended a friendship in a short time, she felt immensely relieved and comforted.

In the past, she was as gentle as a lamb, but when she showed her sharp claws, her world became clearer, and for the first time in over a decade, she slept soundly.

Saying "no" to things you don't like is self-care. Refuse unreasonable requests, maintain distance, and you won't deplete unnecessary social relationships.

Life is too short; you don't need to live in patterns set by others. Take responsibility for your feelings, shape the life you want. Every day is a new beginning when you no longer cater to others' needs.

There's a saying: "Adults' social relationships are tailor-made." Everything we experience is of our own making. The easier you are to deal with, the less people take you seriously; the more you stand your ground, the friendlier those around you become.

Read Also:

Be Kind to Yourself, Don't Get Angry

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