Thriving in Midlife: Unlocking Three Healing Words

As one reaches middle age, it's not just about taking care of one's body but also nurturing the inner self, living life to its fullest, so as not to have lived in vain.

The following three words are the most healing, embodying three kinds of life wisdom. Let's see how many you've achieved:

Stability

I once saw a video that went viral, showing a three or four-year-old girl trying to put the lunch her mother had just prepared into a bag. Unfortunately, the girl didn't hold it steadily, and the lunchbox spilled, scattering the food instantly.

Seeing the mess without knowing what had happened, the mother didn't get angry or scold the girl. Instead, she gently asked, "Did you accidentally spill Mommy's lunch?"

The little girl was a bit bewildered and responded tearfully.

The mother immediately hugged her daughter, comforting her, saying she was just asking if it was accidentally spilled.

After getting a reassuring answer from her daughter, the mother patiently advised her daughter to be more careful next time and to remember to ask for help.

Under the video, netizens praised the scene, envying the happiness of such a "fairy-tale family." Many also sighed that it's possible not to be scolded for breaking things.

For middle-aged women, what they fear the most is becoming a nagging complainer.

Complaining about not getting cared for despite the hard work, accusing of not getting returns for their efforts, having unstable emotions, hurting others and themselves more.

There's a term in psychology called "emotional cost," for example, if you accidentally oversleep for an hour today, and you fret about it for another hour, you've suddenly lost even more time.

People with unstable emotions and an unstable core are prone to irritability. They complain when faced with a setback or unnecessarily put pressure on themselves, ending up burdened beyond measure and greatly reducing their quality of life.

When angry, it's worth asking oneself, "Do I really need to be angry about this?" or "Is it necessary for me to be this angry?" This way, emotions can calm down quickly, and one can approach problems more rationally.

As you experience more, you'll understand that the greatest wisdom for middle-aged people lies in maintaining stable emotions at all times, after all, only by steadying oneself can everything else be stabilized.

Subtraction

The more one desires, the more one should learn to subtract.

Rather than being bogged down by distractions, it's better to employ subtractive thinking, eliminating spiritual burdens to achieve true freedom and happiness.

"Trimming down in life, actively letting go, is true self-love."

In the journey of life, if you desire too much, your baggage will only get heavier, making it difficult to move forward in the end.

In middle age, many things require one's attention, so learning to subtract from life becomes particularly important:

Reduce material desires and attachments to harvest inner richness;

Reduce feelings of inferiority and arrogance to remain truly calm and composed;

Reduce complaints and distractions in the mind to achieve happiness and peace.

Happiness means having freedom and choice, but more freedom and choice don't necessarily bring greater happiness. In fact, the more choices you have, the less happy you tend to be.

Therefore, the more one lets go, the richer one's inner life becomes.

Learning to simplify is a kindness to oneself and the most sophisticated way of living.

By letting go of desires, lowering expectations, reducing internal conflicts, one becomes lighter in body and mind, and one's steps naturally become swifter.

May you and I both be able to cut off negative emotions in time, abandon excessive material desires, break free from self-imposed limitations, and reduce the burdens on the journey ahead, embracing a life of ease and contentment.

Patience

Have you ever noticed that the more you rush to have something, the farther away it seems to be?

Because the more impatient you are, the more anxious your emotions become, and the easier it is to make hasty mistakes, often resulting in more harm than good.

Some people say, "A word commonly heard is 'fast,' but in fact, being too fast is the easiest way to make mistakes. Before embarking on a big task, you should first understand the situation and make reasonable judgments before taking action."

Haste makes waste, while patience leads to success. Often, it's the mindset that determines the outcome. If faced with urgency, the mindset should be calm and composed, and actions should be steady.

"Take it slow, and even slower. The things that must be dealt with immediately should be set aside for a while, perhaps then you'll achieve the desired results."

In middle age, you'll come to understand that many answers to life's questions can only be given by time, and being impatient is of no use.

When faced with difficulties, it might be worth giving yourself some time, taking things slowly, often revealing hidden opportunities.

As the saying goes, "Plan before acting." When encountering something, first devise a strategy, then take action. It may seem slow on the surface, but it's actually more efficient. By taking things slowly, you'll ultimately move faster.

In a person's initial reaction to a situation lies the knowledge, character, and cultivation accumulated throughout their growth.

Taking a step back allows one to view and contemplate from a distance, listening to the most authentic voice within. You'll understand what's important, what's not; what's necessary, what's superfluous.

There aren't many things in life that require immediate action or fierce competition. Many things need to simmer slowly to become truly flavorful.

May we all be able to give life gravity, find spiritual refuge, enjoy the passage of time, settle into the routines, calmly and contently being ourselves.

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A trait found in unlucky people

"Why do people talk less as they grow older?"

Some people say:

"Because they've suffered from speaking too much." When they were young, they were less guarded and tended to share everything about themselves.

But as they grow older, they realize:

The more they speak, the more mistakes they make.

It's better not to speak.

Others say:

"Because the more they know, the more cautious they become in speaking." When they were young, they loved to argue and persuade others.

But as they grow older, they realize they know too little and dare not speak much for fear of revealing their ignorance.

"A full bottle makes no sound, but a half bottle makes a noise."

Don't talk about your private affairs to outsiders.

I once heard a story that made me sigh.

A friend's company hired a new colleague named C, and my friend worked with her a few times.

She seemed capable, and her personality was quite gentle.

But C didn't last long before suddenly resigning.

"Recently, there have been rumors flying around the company about her, maybe she couldn't take it anymore."

And these rumors, surprisingly, originated from C herself.

Shortly after joining the company, she got along well with colleague A and confided her personal life to her:

She had been divorced before and was now remarried to a man 15 years older than her.

She didn't mean any harm, but listener A told others.

Perhaps her intention was just to gossip, without malice.

But as rumors go, they become more exaggerated.

"At such a young age, marrying an older man, she must be after his money."

"Maybe she divorced her ex-husband just for this older man."

The gossip became nastier and nastier.

Over time, not only did her colleagues gossip about C behind her back, but even the boss heard about it.

They even began to doubt her competence at work.

"C probably didn't know what she did wrong until she resigned."

Similar stories are not uncommon in our lives.

A netizen said:

"Sometimes when I feel wronged, I can't help but confide in someone, but immediately regret it.

It's like handing someone a weapon against yourself, burying a landmine for yourself."

Others say:

"Most of the time, by the time I realize I should keep quiet, I've already said it."

I once heard a saying:

You tell a secret to the wind, and it spreads throughout the forest.

Indeed, prevention is better than cure!

If you're also confused about what you can and cannot say,

here's a tip from me:

Whether it's about our family background, savings, marital status, children's development, family conflicts, health, career plans, etc., anything related to privacy or interests is best left unsaid.

Regardless of whether it's good or bad.

If you say you're doing well, financially secure, it's easy to provoke jealousy;

If you say you're doing poorly, you'll inevitably be looked down upon.

It's human nature to praise the higher and disparage the lower.

A netizen once said:

"There are many things I don't like about my parents.

But I would never say anything negative about them in front of others.

If others look down on my family, they will naturally look down on me too."

Trust is too precious to be given to just anyone.

If you're still unsure, remember this:

Don't say anything you're not sure you should say.

Shallow exchanges are the most taboo.

Don't casually criticize others.

Shutting up is not only a matter of cultivation but also kindness.

Besides not judging others' lives at will,

there's another thing you absolutely shouldn't say:

Other people's rights and wrongs.

Regardless of whether it concerns you.

Before, there was an intern at our company who was obedient and clever.

But her supervisor had a fiery temper.

Whenever the intern didn't do her job well, she would give her a good scolding without mercy.

Once, when the company had dinner together,

Everyone comforted the intern, saying her supervisor had a bad temper, and she shouldn't take it to heart.

Even though the supervisor wasn't present at the time, the girl didn't show any dissatisfaction, just saying:

"I do have many shortcomings, so the supervisor criticizes me."

This sentence greatly increased everyone's favorability towards the girl.

They felt she was humble and could endure.

So shortly after, they helped her secure better job opportunities, and her salary doubled.

Speaking, perhaps, requires ability; but not speaking requires even more wisdom.

Keeping your mouth shut is not just a matter of refinement but also a form of kindness.

Often, people have different opinions simply because their standpoints are different.

It's not about right or wrong.

Do you really need to argue to win?

It's unnecessary.

We all have different perceptions.

Perceptions are influenced by our complex life experiences.

People can only believe what they've seen and experienced.

Upon careful consideration, when we insist on winning the argument, there's often an underlying message:

"I want to prove that I'm better than you."

But because the other party is "unrepentant," we can never "win," and this frustrates us.

Why bother?

To save face for a moment, we waste a lot of time and emotions.

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Grown-Up Goodbyes

01

Early this year, I bumped into some elementary school classmates during a wedding. We hadn't really kept in touch since graduating, so suddenly seeing each other, we barely remembered how we looked as kids, and we couldn't even recall each other's names. After exchanging a few words, we had to find some topics to chat about. Despite trying to reminisce about our limited shared memories from the past, we exchanged contacts, saying we should keep in touch more often. After lunch, I made an excuse to leave. In the evening, he messaged me, saying he and a few other elementary school classmates were going to have tea. My instinctive reaction was to decline. We hadn't seen each other for many years, and suddenly being together again, we were unfamiliar with each other. Going there would only lead to awkwardness, so I thought it was better to refuse outright and be honest about it.

02

Friendships require shared experiences to sustain them.

The more we work, the fewer friends we have around us. Even those friendships that were once good tend to fade away without shared experiences. I've never believed in friendships lasting forever. Even if separated by mountains and seas, we can still miss and cherish each other only if there are shared experiences. Friends need shared experiences to sustain them. Have you ever felt this way? If you haven't seen a friend for many years and suddenly meet, do you expect to hug each other with tears in your eyes? It's not the case. Instead, there's just awkwardness. Even when chatting, it's still about past shared experiences, digging into the memories to fill the emptiness and awkwardness of the present. You may think the relationship has changed, but it hasn't. It's just that you lack shared experiences and no longer spend as much time together as before. Therefore, true friends need to stay in touch regularly. The farther apart you are, the weaker the relationship becomes.

03

One day, I suddenly remembered a good friend from high school. We were classmates in high school, but we rarely kept in touch after graduation. We reconnected and met up twice. Then, we lost touch again. That day, I suddenly thought of him and wanted to see how he was doing, so I found him on social media. After exchanging greetings and asking about each other's situation, there was silence. We had to deliberately find some topics to talk about. We talked about our high school classmates who were close to us. As we talked, I felt bored. It seemed that we didn't have much to talk about, and it felt awkward to chat. The more we tried to find topics, the more awkward it became. At that moment, I knew we couldn't go back to how we were before. We couldn't talk to each other about everything like we used to. So, after one last boring conversation, I ended the chat myself. I knew I wouldn't initiate contact with him again because we had nothing to talk about, and chatting felt awkward and boring. Did we have a falling out? No, we were both polite and exchanged greetings, but it just didn't feel the same anymore. Between friends, there's no need for politeness and formality; the more polite you are, the more distant you seem.

04

Friendships tend to diminish as adults.

As we work, we make many acquaintances in the workplace, add many people on social media, and become close to many people, eating and going out together. However, suddenly, one day, we bid each other farewell and never contact each other again. Adult friendships are either based on emotions or interests. Emotional bonds are considered a luxury for people in the workplace. It's difficult for us to make friends in the workplace. Even if you work and eat together every day, and even go shopping hand in hand, these relationships only last during working hours. After work, everyone goes their separate ways. Friendship in the workplace is best left undisturbed, as this is the greatest form of respect. Such friendships only last until the day you leave your job, and afterwards, everyone goes their separate ways, forgetting each other in the hustle and bustle of life. Most people's friendships are formed during their school years. After all, when we're young, we prioritize emotions, but as adults, we prioritize interests. Without shared interests, it's difficult for adults to make friends. After all, everyone is busy, and if there's nothing to do, there's no need to meet up.

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