"Being soft-hearted and shy will only kill yourself. Rational indifference and coldness are survival tools."
At first, this may sound somewhat cold-hearted, but upon
deeper reflection, it actually makes a lot of sense. People tend to prioritize
others' feelings over their own in many situations. This could be due to a
tendency to please others, accommodate their needs, or avoid conflict. But by
doing so, they end up neglecting their own emotional health and well-being.
The Issue of Prioritizing Others
Over Yourself:
The common human tendency to put others first, which,
although often seen as a virtue, can be self-destructive if taken too far. For
example, the passage illustrates how some people will go out of their way to
help others, even at the cost of their own comfort or desires. One example is
the story of a self-proclaimed "easy-to-please" person, someone who
constantly accommodates friends and coworkers even when they’re exhausted, only
to find that their own needs are unmet. This behavior can lead to emotional
exhaustion and even health problems, as seen in the case of a woman who, after
years of pushing her own needs aside, developed a health issue linked to emotional
suppression.
Learning to Say "No" and
Set Boundaries:
It is okay—sometimes necessary—to put yourself first. It
tells the story of a woman named Jane, a social media influencer who used to be
overly accommodating to others. She would work through exhaustion, help friends
even when she was too tired, and sacrifice her own rest to meet others’
demands. However, after a health scare and receiving advice from her doctor,
Xiao Xiao began to make changes. She started saying "no" to things
she didn’t want to do, even when it was uncomfortable. Surprisingly, she found
that by not overextending herself, her life became lighter, and her health
improved.
This story highlights the importance of setting boundaries
in order to preserve one’s mental and physical well-being. Saying
"no" can be difficult, especially when people fear disappointing
others, but it can ultimately lead to a healthier, more balanced life.
The Dangers of People-Pleasing:
A key insight comes from a popular online discussion about
why people feel increasingly tired and unhappy. The most upvoted response
points out that the main reason people feel this way is because they spend too
much energy trying to meet others’ expectations while neglecting their own.
This often results in a lack of fulfillment and a sense of emotional depletion.
The passage asserts that we frequently misprioritize in
social interactions: we give too much importance to how others feel and ignore
our own emotional needs. This imbalance can lead to feelings of resentment and
burnout. In fact, people’s emotions, while important, should never outweigh our
own. The suggestion is to practice a healthy level of
"selfishness"—to prioritize your own emotional needs, even when it
means disappointing others.
Selfishness as a Tool for Healthy Relationships:
“Selfishness” can be
a form of self-preservation. It doesn’t mean disregarding others entirely, but
rather ensuring that your own needs are met first. You can still be kind,
helpful, and generous, but you must never allow others to take more from you
than you are willing to give. The key is to maintain your own emotional health
and not overextend yourself for people who might not appreciate your
sacrifices. In doing so, you ensure that your relationships remain healthy and
mutually supportive.
The Importance of Knowing When to
Step Back:
The passage includes an example from a TV show, where a
character, B, tries to "rescue" her friend W by offering career
advice, even though W is perfectly content with her current job as a taxi
driver. Despite her friend’s resistance, B continues to push her own idea of
what is best for W. This behavior reflects the “savior complex,” where one
person tries to impose their beliefs or solutions on another, even when it’s
not wanted. This kind of behavior can be damaging and lead to conflict, as seen
in the show when the two characters fall out after a heated argument.
The advice here is to respect others' choices and not impose
your own standards onto them, even if you believe you are helping. Not everyone
wants or needs your advice or assistance, and sometimes, your actions can feel
intrusive or overbearing.
The Energy Exchange in
Relationships:
Relationships are an exchange of energy. People bring
different levels of energy to interactions, and for relationships to thrive,
both parties need to contribute positively. If a relationship consistently
drains you, it may be time to reevaluate it. For instance, there is a story of
a woman who distanced herself from a negative, pessimistic friend in order to
preserve her own mental health and well-being. By cutting ties with this
draining relationship, she found space for more positive, supportive
friendships that helped her grow.
Conclusion:
The overall message is clear: prioritize your own
well-being, set boundaries, and don't be afraid to be a little selfish when it
comes to your emotional health. This doesn’t mean being unkind, but it does
mean understanding that your needs are just as important as anyone else's.
Taking care of yourself first is the key to leading a balanced, fulfilling
life. Life is short, and there’s no need to sacrifice your own peace for the
sake of others who may not appreciate your efforts. By practicing self-care and
setting boundaries, you can build more meaningful, mutually beneficial
relationships.
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