Adulting Aces: 10 Unspoken Social Rules

My four-year-old niece wanted to go play with the little friend who always ends up fighting when they gather.

I felt worried, fearing they would end up fighting again.

But my niece didn't care at all. She innocently said to me, "It's okay, if we really fight while playing, we will still play after fighting!"

At that moment, I suddenly felt that the interaction between children is so straightforward and honest: they play together when they want to, and even if they fight, they can still continue playing without any hard feelings.

However, the interaction between adults is much more subtle.

A single word, a gesture, a facial expression... even a glance could cause a relationship to fall apart.

Adult socializing is far more complex than we imagine.

Therefore, no matter who we are dealing with, the sooner we understand these 10 unspoken rules, the better.

1.There are no permanent friends or enemies.

In reality, when it comes to human relationships, everything revolves around self-interest.

"All the world is full of hustle and bustle for benefits."

The people we meet on the journey of life, whether friends or enemies, can instantly change roles because of the word "benefit."

Good friends may turn into enemies due to conflicts of interest, and enemies may form alliances due to common benefits.

There are no permanent friends or enemies, only permanent interests.

2.Being soft-hearted and shy will only harm yourself.

Those who are too soft-hearted would rather compromise themselves to suit others.

Shy people feel embarrassed about this and that, eventually sacrificing their own feelings.

The essence of being soft-hearted and embarrassed is to make things difficult for oneself.

By caring too much about others, we end up seeing ourselves as objects that can be sacrificed at any moment.

Life is already difficult enough; don't let soft-heartedness and embarrassment kill you.

3.Someone who doesn't want to trouble others definitely doesn't want to be troubled.

For most of us, aside from work and overtime, we have very little time for ourselves.

In the adult world, busyness is the norm.

Busy with work, busy with life, busy with everything in the world...

When a person is in such a busy state, saying they don't want to trouble others implies that they also don't want to be troubled by others.

This isn't cold-heartedness; it's a way of guarding one's boundaries.

Moderate trouble between people can strengthen relationships, but excessive trouble is rude.

4.When lending money to others, be prepared to not get it back.

The moment money is lent out, the initiative is no longer in one's hands. When and how it is repaid is no longer up to oneself.

Often, the lender is left with no option but to justify not repaying the money, while the borrower is left empty-handed.

So, don't easily lend money to others.

If you must lend, be prepared to not get it back when lending money to others.

5.Be confident in your intuition; everything that makes you uncomfortable is true.

Comfort is the most important thing when dealing with anyone.

When you frequently feel ignored, suppressed, sad, anxious... or simply inexplicably displeased while interacting with someone, don't doubt yourself, and don't make excuses for the other person. Everything that makes you uncomfortable is true.

Those who truly care about you won't leave you in a state of uncertainty but will provide you with enough certainty and faith to nourish your relationship.

6.Conflict is the best test of a relationship's depth.

Would you constantly avoid conflicts for fear of damaging a relationship?

If so, then perhaps you should try facing a conflict and see what happens.

Because conflict is the best test of a relationship's depth.

Those relationships that fall apart after a single conflict were never deep to begin with.

It's the relationships that withstand arguments and insults that truly deserve the label of "deep."

The sky is bluer after being washed by rain; relationships that endure conflicts are stronger.

7.Don't talk about unhappy things too often; many times, others just take them as jokes.

I used to think that when you're in a low point, sharing your troubles would bring emotional relief.

But I later found out that when you reveal too much vulnerability, you might not only receive superficial comfort but also become the subject of ridicule behind your back.

It's not that we're overthinking; it's that human nature can't withstand tests.

You might think others would sympathize with you, but in reality, they might just see your troubles as material for jokes.

When you're feeling down, don't casually confide in others; look inward for solace, and you'll heal in time.

8.Don't easily send long voice messages to others.

If you were to ask what behavior people dislike most in communication?

Sending voice messages without regard for time and place, especially long ones, would undoubtedly top the list.

Just imagine: you're in a meeting, and someone sends you several voice messages in a row. Would you listen to them?

Whether you're on the subway after work, just getting your child to sleep, or chatting with friends... sending voice messages at inappropriate times can be very off-putting.

Even if someone is willing to listen to a voice message, what if they can't understand it due to various reasons?

So, when chatting, type if you can, and if you must use voice messages, make sure to get the other person's consent first.

9.Sometimes, not responding is the best response.

Knocking on a door that won't open becomes impolite after a while.

Sometimes, not responding is the best response.

Among adults, people tend to be more reserved than straightforward, and not every response needs to be explicitly stated.

Not responding often signifies unwillingness, disinterest, or inability to comply.

Asking again would not only be pointless but also embarrassing for both parties.

Instead, give each other a way out; understand and remain silent, and perhaps you'll meet again someday.

10.When you're trying not to offend anyone, you end up offending everyone.

"The most difficult thing in the world is?" Someone commented: "Putting your thoughts into someone else's head."

Not all birds fly under the same sky, nor do all fish inhabit the same sea. People are the same; not everyone lives in the same environment.

This means we will have different perceptions, preferences, and habits of life, and naturally, different ways of interacting with others.

So, there's no need to demand that others be like us.

If you're trying not to offend anyone, you end up offending everyone.

Just like if something is good for everyone, it also mean that it is not good for everyone.

In this world, you might strive for fitness, learning, wealth...

and you may receive excellent rewards for your efforts.

However, maintaining relationships between people isn't easy and might even become more difficult the harder you try.

Human relationships require mutual effort.

If you're making efforts to maintain a relationship while the other person is not reciprocating, you'll never truly get close.

Rather than wasting time maintaining such a relationship, it's better to improve yourself. If you flourish, the breeze will come naturally.

Good relationships are about attraction, not effort.

Because in that case, not only are you miserable, but to others, it's like a disaster.

When adults interact, the exhaustion comes from there always being too much left unsaid, words left unspoken, and endless rounds of speculation standing between each other.

These 10 unspoken rules for adults to get along with each other might not be openly stated, but they are crucial. Truly understanding them can solve most of the troubles we encounter in interpersonal communication.

May we walk through this world without being burdened by others, without being trapped by relationships, and live freely throughout our lives.

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Interpersonal relationships are the mutual connections and interactions between people, forming a complex and subtle network. In this network, our relationships with others are not solely based on our kindness and efforts towards them but are closely related to our own strength and resources. This cruel reality tells us that the power disparity in interpersonal relationships is unavoidable.

First and foremost, we need to understand the nature of interpersonal relationships. They involve a process of exchanging interests and interactions, where people constantly seek to establish connections with others for their own benefit. This establishment of connections is often based on the resources and capabilities each party possesses, rather than mere emotions. Therefore, when our strength and resources are sufficient, we have more chips to exchange benefits with others, thereby forming better interpersonal relationships.

Secondly, an individual's strength determines their position and influence in interpersonal relationships. In such relationships, power often serves as the foundation of authority. Having more resources and capabilities means we have greater authority and influence. We can attract others to establish connections with us by providing assistance, support, or opportunities. Conversely, when we rely on others, our position is relatively weaker, and we need to depend on them to obtain the benefits and resources we require.

However, this power-based interpersonal relationship does not imply that we should pursue our interests at all costs. In interpersonal relationships, we should always uphold principles of fairness, integrity, and honesty. Our strength is not only reflected in the number of chips we hold but also in our character and behavior. Only by striving for our interests through legitimate means and ways can we establish truly healthy and harmonious interpersonal relationships.

Furthermore, we should also recognize that interpersonal relationships are not one-sided; they involve mutual interaction and influence. Although our strength may be insufficient, we can compensate for our weaknesses by cooperating and assisting others. Uniting others and establishing a good network of interpersonal relationships can enhance our overall strength and resources, thus placing us in a more advantageous position within these relationships.

Lastly, we need to understand the complexity and variability of interpersonal relationships. Relationships between people are extensive and constantly changing, influenced by various factors such as interests, emotions, and ideologies. We should not solely focus on our current strength and chips but should always pay attention to and adjust our own state and attitude to adapt to the ever-changing nature of interpersonal relationships.

The brutal reality of interpersonal relationships tells us that our relationship with others is not solely determined by how good we are to them but also by our own strength and resources. We need to understand the nature of interpersonal relationships, recognize the importance of strength and resources within them, but at the same time, not overlook principles of honesty and integrity. Through cooperation and mutual assistance with others, we can compensate for our weaknesses and establish healthy, harmonious interpersonal relationships. Most importantly, we need to constantly pay attention to and adjust our own state and attitude to address the various challenges and changes in interpersonal relationships.

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Recently, I came across a popular video on a certain platform. An 88-year-old ex teacher was interviewed on the roadside: "What are your thoughts on old age?" The elderly person firmly responded, "No surgery, no intubation, no resuscitation. Especially, no admission to the intensive care unit." When asked for the reason, the elderly person said, "At my age, death is inevitable. Resuscitation would not only make me suffer but also waste national resources. These resources are better used to save young people." While the elderly person's open-mindedness is admirable, can their children agree?

"I always tell them, instead of forcibly holding onto your parents' physical bodies, think about the influence your parents had on you. Keeping these good memories is enough." This insightful dialogue garnered millions of likes from netizens.

 "A good death is better than a life of painful lingering" is a deeply rooted concept among countless people. "Longevity" has always been assumed to be the best blessing for the elderly. However, is a long life equivalent to a happy life?

More and more elderly people are beginning to offer "unconventional" answers. I once read a story about a senior who suffered a sudden stroke and was rushed to the hospital. After doctors made every effort to save his life, they managed to bring him back from the brink. However, for the rest of his life, he needed round-the-clock care from medical staff to continue living. In other words, he became a "living dead" person.

Yet, his daughter insisted on not giving up her father's life. As a result, the elderly man spent four years in the ICU before multiple organ failure led to his demise. While the daughter's filial piety is commendable, doctors have a different view: "Although we extended his life, we did not improve his quality of life." "Family members can visit for only one hour a day. What his daughter sees is that he seems happy during that one hour. So, she thinks he's happy every day. But what we see is the patient suffering for the remaining 23 hours."

The daughter of the elderly man was once asked, "Have you ever thought that perhaps your father would prefer to pass away more peacefully?" She replied, "I dare not think about it, nor do I want to. At least for now, I can afford to give him the best treatment, which makes me feel better." Of course, as children, it's very difficult for us to actively give up our parents' lives! As long as we can still save them, we want to keep our parents with us for another day.

But if we look at it from a different perspective, if the elderly person can express their wishes, would they praise their children's filial piety, or would they criticize their children for making them suffer? The elderly person may not bear to make such a choice, but I believe everyone has their own answer in their hearts. Regardless of whether we are willing to admit it, longevity is premised on "health." Otherwise, it's "living in suffering."

In this regard, elderly people often see more clearly than young people. "Many elderly people have been eating medication for a long time, ruining their bodies." Therefore, more and more elderly people are adopting the retirement philosophy of "treating minor illnesses, accepting major illnesses, and not pursuing excessive medical treatment." "The sooner you go, the better. Don't burden your children and end up with nothing."

"Living longer" is becoming easier, but "living well" is becoming more difficult.

Despite advances in medical conditions and improvements in living standards, why are so many elderly people less inclined to "live" now? It's because while society has progressed, elderly care has become more challenging. Foremost among them is the fact that "raising children is no longer a guarantee against old age."

It's not that children don't want to be filial, but they are truly powerless. I once saw a video online. A senior was bedridden for 16 years, and it was his daughter in her fifties who took care of him. Every day, she had to lift him in and out of bed, clean up his waste, bathe him, feed him, give him medicine, and take him for walks... Every day, for 16 years.

This is indeed a perfect example of "raising children to prevent old age."

But what about the other side of the story?

The senior had a pension that could cover most of his living expenses; the daughter retired early, giving up her personal life entirely to care for her father; the son-in-law took on most of the work of earning money and raising children; the daughter's family had no financial pressure from mortgages or car loans; there were other relatives in the family who could occasionally share the responsibility of caregiving.

Behind this "perfect" filial piety are the aggregation of numerous conditions and countless sacrifices. It's difficult to replicate in every family. We always remember "raising children to prevent old age" as a tradition, but forget that "it was a product of a specific era." In the past, medical conditions were poor, and parents generally did not live long.

There were fewer elderly people suffering from dementia or hemiplegia, and caring for them was not as difficult as it is now. Plus, at that time, every family's finances were similar, there were more children, and many women didn't work. "There was not much financial pressure"  making it less difficult to support elderly parents.

But what about now?

For couples with children, life becomes unsustainable if one doesn't go out to earn money. Although the elderly are living longer, they are also plagued by various illnesses, requiring long-term care. Parents, children, work, mortgages, car loans—all these are mountains pressing down on middle-aged people.

This forces children to make sacrifices. Although everyone makes different choices, under the harsh reality, there are always parents who "can't rely on" their children. So, if not relying on children, what about relying on society? Currently, our society's elderly care mainly consists of "home-based care" or "nursing homes."

Elderly people who can take care of themselves mostly choose to stay at home, which is free and saves money. As for the elderly people who are sent to nursing homes, they generally have various illnesses, and they lose some of their ability to care for themselves.

"Not making mistakes" is the caregivers' top priority. "Making the elderly happy" can only be an added bonus. Therefore, the "hardship" in nursing homes does not come from the news about elderly abuse but rather because: under limited manpower conditions, only basic care and some emotional support can be provided to the elderly.

Ensuring that the elderly "stay alive" rather than "live well." As you can see, although medical advances unilaterally extend the lives of the elderly, how they can live well remains a "dilemma." After retirement, some elderly people learn swimming, painting, calligraphy, or singing. Even if their children are not around, their lives are fulfilling and happy.

Happy people are always similar. Many elderly people who have a good late life understand one thing: "Elderly care depends on oneself." Life can never be perfect at any age.

We can always find a lifestyle that suits us better among them. Prepare three savings:

I once saw a sentence online that inspired me: "Elderly care is actually choosing a way to grow old gracefully. There is no limit to the method, and there is no standard answer.

But the most important thing is: always remember to put yourself first."

To spend your old age more comfortably, I suggest everyone include "retirement planning" in their life plan. Starting from now, prepare the following "three savings":

1.Financial savings

The reason why money is important is that it gives the elderly "choices": they can buy what they want to eat, go wherever they want; if their children are not filial, they can hire caregivers to live alone without worrying about their children's faces; and in case of illness, having money in their pockets will ease their minds. When it comes to elderly care, money is definitely more reliable than children.

Many elderly people have been frugal all their lives, just to subsidize their children.

But really don't do this.

You can occasionally help your children in emergencies, but never make it an entitlement. Leave the money to yourself, and let your children take responsibility for their own lives. Taking care of ourselves with money is the greatest help we can give our children.

2.Psychological value savings

Many elderly people have a smooth material life in their old age, but they always feel bitter inside because they base their happiness on "their children's companionship." Why not change your perspective? Treat your old age as your "second life."

Make your own "bucket list," try things you like, and learn to make yourself happy. We've worked hard all our lives, and it's only in our old age that we finally have the "money and leisure." We must make the most of it.

3.Health savings

Undoubtedly, "health" is the most important condition for elderly care. But it's placed last because it's also the most uncontrollable and powerless part for the elderly. No one can stop the aging and deterioration of the body.

So, while your body is still healthy, eat clean food, exercise regularly, and take care of your physical and mental health. Once illness strikes, learn to accept the decline of life naturally. "Treat minor illnesses, accept major illnesses, and avoid excessive medical treatment," allowing life to end gracefully and gently.

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