Secrets of Emotional Intelligence: 4 Relationship Don'ts

You've probably heard the saying that all efforts in life result in either being laughed at or being effective. The ultimate outcome depends on how you manage things. Over the past few years, there have been increasing stories about interpersonal relationships. Some relationships, when managed well, become lifelong friendships; others, when mishandled, become the subject of ridicule.

When it comes to interacting with others, what principles should we adhere to? What boundaries should we maintain? Here are a few key points that we mustn't overlook:

1. Ignore Unnotified Events:

Be smart about it. Regardless of what's happening in someone else's family, if they haven't informed you, just pretend you don't know. And afterward, don't inquire about it either. Why?

A friend once shared a story. When he was young, he used to mingle in circles whether or not he was invited. He'd eagerly join friends for dinners or family gatherings, whether formally invited or not. One time, he happened to run into some friends who were quietly planning a barbecue. They didn't intend to make a big deal out of it, but he tagged along anyway. "I still remember the looks on their faces when they saw me. The table fell silent. They looked at me in surprise, and I innocently looked back at them." 

That meal was excruciatingly uncomfortable for him. He sensed that the people around him had something they wanted to say. But upon seeing him, they chose polite smiles instead.

That experience made him realize: in interpersonal relationships, if someone doesn't inform you about an event, it means either you're not close enough or you shouldn't be attending that gathering. If you attend out of mere curiosity, you'll end up not only embarrassing yourself but also the host.

Of course, there's one exception to this social principle, as we often say: "Attend joyous events (weddings) only when invited; attend non-joyous events (funerals) even when not invited."

The most crucial aspect of interpersonal relationships is knowing when to attend which events, and when not to. That's the discretion expected of an adult. Remember, a smart person's strength lies in their intellect. Often, controlling the situation also means understanding the boundaries and limits of interpersonal relationships.

2. Refrain from Arguing:

Different perspectives don't always necessitate debate. Have you ever wondered what it's like to communicate with someone who lacks understanding? Someone answered that communicating with such a person is distinctively tiresome because they want to argue against every word you say.

Their mantra is, "No, that's not it!" You might think they'll bring new insights, but upon closer examination, you realize they're just paraphrasing what you've said or arguing for the sake of it, lacking substantial evidence. 

Some people have "refutational personalities." They share a common trait: no matter how logical your argument, they'll oppose it with a few counterarguments. "No, that's not it!" is their eternal opening line. The most effective way to deal with them is to swiftly end the conversation when they start arguing.

Remember: it's wise to speak less in different positions. With differing understandings, it's best to avoid arguments altogether. Effortlessly restraining the urge to argue ensures a sense of propriety in interpersonal relationships.

3. Moderate Enthusiasm for New Acquaintances:

Instantly revealing your inner thoughts to someone is far from ideal. Innocence is a virtue, but in today's world, it's often mistaken for a lack of decorum. We can express ourselves appropriately, but remember not to overdo it.

One friend had a very outgoing personality and was very warm towards everyone she met. People around her liked her and saw her as a ray of sunshine. However, such relationships didn't last long; it was rumored that she had fallen out with those around her.

The reason lay solely in her talkativeness. She never paid attention to the closeness of relationships while conversing. Whether with strangers or close friends, she would chatter endlessly whenever she met someone. Whether discussing her family's affairs or friends' private matters, she would talk non-stop. Little did she know, such behavior would make listeners feel pressured or insecure. Over time, those around her gradually realized that to avoid becoming the subject of gossip, the best thing to do was to keep their distance from her. Consequently, fewer and fewer people were willing to be her friends.

In social interactions, "oversharing" has always been a major taboo. Sometimes what you perceive as genuine might be viewed as low emotional intelligence by others. Remember, between individuals, there are many topics that can only be discussed with specific individuals. Don't reveal too much too soon just because you feel a connection. And never bare your soul just because you're feeling impulsive.

Smart individuals understand that with new acquaintances, it's fine to talk about the weather, movies, or celebrities. But refrain from discussing yourself or others' private matters.

The art of getting along isn't about instantly becoming bosom buddies. It's about understanding the limits of social interaction, gradually deepening connections, which ultimately fosters better relationships.

4. Avoid Making Decisions for Others:

Have you encountered people like this in your life? They're domineering and always love giving advice to others. It's fine if they're capable. But if their advice isn't genuinely helpful due to their lack of competence, it could hasten the breakdown of relationships.

I once watched a video. A girl went to her best friend's house to vent, complaining about how difficult her job was. She felt like her boss was deliberately making things hard for her, giving her all the dirty and tiring work, but come bonus time, she got nothing. "I don't want to do it anymore. I'm exhausted. I want to quit," she lamented.

Listening to the girl's endless grievances, her best friend joined in the complaining, saying that if things were that bad, she should quit and assured her, "Don't worry, resign. I have a friend whose company is currently short of people; I'll recommend you." The girl perked up at the suggestion, ignoring the specifics of the job her friend recommended, and resigned the next day.

However, the available position didn't match her work experience; the clerical job she was qualified for had already been filled, leaving only a receptionist vacancy. Pressured by next month's rent and credit card bills, she reluctantly accepted the job. Barely two weeks into the job, she went back to her friend to complain, tinged with accusation: "Look at the job you recommended. It's just making tea, handling deliveries every day!" "It's worse than my previous job!"

In a few words, her friend's heart sank, and their once amicable friendship was ruined. One golden rule of social relationships is this: never make decisions for others for free. While you might think, "What's wrong with helping a good friend?" in their eyes, from the moment you utter those words, you're fully responsible for that decision. If your decision doesn't improve their situation, you become the culprit.

Remember, we can never truly empathize with someone else's situation, nor can we feel their current emotions. Making decisions for others without their consent is an overstep. In the end, it's likely to do more harm than good. If it succeeds, the other person might not even remember you; if it fails, you're definitely at fault.

Why bother?

Human interactions inevitably have many passionate moments. But the more passionate the moment, the more critical it is to understand that no matter how much you want to connect with the other person at that moment, you must keep a cool head. This isn't just self-preservation; it's fundamental to how we navigate the world. Of course, after all this discussion, it doesn't mean I'm suggesting you should stop socializing altogether.

"Socializing" is merely a tool. When used effectively, everyone benefits, and you can achieve a lot with a little. So, don't worry about complex rules, and don't fear difficult situations. Although humans are insignificant, they can learn, improve themselves, and grow. The value of humanity lies within itself. Life is a journey, with each step revealing new scenery and insights.

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Unlocking Likability: The Strategy of Indifference

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Unlocking Likability: The Strategy of Indifference

Each of us comes into this world hoping for a happy and fulfilling life. But life is often not as we wish, leaving us filled with fantasies. Reality and dreams are usually opposite; otherwise, they wouldn't be dreams.

As social animals, we rely on connections with different groups of people to maintain a normal life. Communication between people inevitably brings some friction, which is the basis of interpersonal relationship problems. Just as people like money, perhaps no one can replace money as something everyone likes.

It's unnecessary to always maintain enthusiasm; showing occasional indifference can be better.

Humans are emotional beings, and everyone has their own moods. We often see people around us who sacrifice themselves to please others. Perhaps we are such people ourselves, sacrificing ourselves for others at the expense of our own well-being. Many people have encountered such situations. For example, after a busy day at work, when you're already exhausted, your siblings come to you to pour out their hearts. They come seeking solace because they're upset, feeling uncomfortable inside.

And what about you?

You've already had enough grievances during the day and wanted to take some time to relax, but now you have to listen to their grievances, making yourself even more impatient. You haven't even processed your own emotions yet, but you end up helping others digest theirs, which can leave you feeling exhausted.

At a gathering, some people have already had enough to drink and shouldn't drink more, but under the encouragement of some friends, they end up toasting again. Being already drunk, they continue drinking, causing greater harm to their bodies.

People should have moments of enthusiasm, but they should also have moments of indifference; this is the normal range of human emotions. Some might argue that they see certain individuals who seem emotionally stable. So-called emotional stability is just a facade; they manage their negative emotions through other means, which only they know, and most people can't see their negative emotions.

This is a simple form of emotional management, so maintaining occasional indifference, not trying to please everyone, is essential for a good life.

Learning to ignore everyone's expectations can reduce harm.

Nobody is perfect; imperfection is the essence of life.

When a person tries to meet everyone's expectations, they end up living in great pain. For example, if you try to meet the goals set by your parents, the tasks assigned by your teachers, and the expectations of your friends, it becomes overwhelming. When you have too much on your mind, pursuing perfection, you find yourself with no time for yourself, ultimately sinking into misery. When your self-worth depends on others' approval, every look, action, or word from them may be interpreted as, "Do they not like me?" "Am I being too childish?" "Their tone doesn't sound pleased; are they unhappy with me?" Even without doing anything, you feel "emotionally exhausted" because you've acted in countless internal dramas but still can't genuinely believe in yourself.

There's a psychological term called FOPO (the fear of other people's opinions): being trapped by others' evaluations. Often, for the sake of reputation, we try to leave a good impression on others, constantly forcing ourselves to stick to our current positions. To not disappoint others' expectations, we continually push ourselves to grow quickly, to live up to the image others admire, leaving ourselves battered and bruised.

When we learn to be indifferent, others will reduce their expectations of us, and we won't carry as much pressure. In this world, no matter what you do, there will be different opinions swirling around you. So why not be the most authentic version of yourself and find a bit more happiness?

Indulging in internal conflicts is being irresponsible to oneself.

Under the control of vanity, everyone likes to present their best side to others. We get used to considering others and end up enduring pain ourselves. Little do we know, truly social individuals understand that learning to be appropriately indifferent is the key to real liberation.

I have a friend who is a supervisor at a company; he's usually warm, but sometimes seems cold and unfeeling. One time during dinner, in a lively atmosphere with food and drink, he mentioned that this was his basic principle for dealing with people every day.

In his previous job as a supervisor, his warmth often led to most tasks being left unfinished, burdening himself as his subordinates did nothing. When he came to his current company, he realized his past mistakes and adopted new social skills. He doesn't let his warmth be limitless, nor does he become a cold-hearted machine. Therefore, occasional indifference is a more balanced approach to life and work.

In conclusion, everyone likes to be appreciated and liked by others, which requires us to master certain interpersonal skills. Indirect indifference can win more affection from others. This is similar to relationships; using the same dating routine and attitude for too long can lead to boredom. Only by constantly creating a sense of freshness can love be sustained for a longer time.

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Silent Witness: Time's Unspoken Truths

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Silent Witness: Time's Unspoken Truths

There's a saying: "Time never speaks, yet it answers all questions." 

Time can dilute everything, yet also prove everything. Time never fails those who strive hard; with every test in life, it gradually reveals the best answers to you.

When we suddenly look back, we often can't help but feel sentimental. It's as if just a moment ago, the fragrance of flowers filled the air, but in the blink of an eye, it's already a mound of fallen petals in the passage of time.

We often exclaim, "Time passes too quickly" or "Time passes so slowly," but when has time ever changed even a bit? It never hurries nor slows, neither mourns nor rejoices; it quietly slips away. The so-called "fast" and "slow" are merely due to our different circumstances and moods, leading to different perceptions of time.

"Life is a mixture of mud and sand, with flowers and thorns coexisting." Whose life sails smoothly? Whose life isn't beset by storms and mud? Time never stops, so give time some time, and everything will pass.

After failures that break one's heart, after emotional wounds that tear one apart, after the gnashing of teeth in pain, after lingering thoughts of people and events, they gradually fade away into insignificance on the path of time, light as clouds and thin as smoke. Therefore, in the journey of life, complain less, be less impatient, regret less. Everything lost will surely return in different forms, enriching our lives and filling our bags.

Time never speaks, yet it will, at some unsuspecting moment, answer all your questions. Time neither rushes nor lags, once made us despairingly pained. Time, as always, will also bring us new hope and confidence. After a thousand sails, we have no regrets; the world always holds something worth looking forward to.

"Nothing is more convincing than time, because time can change everything without notifying us."

Too many relationships can't withstand the rotation of days and months, can't withstand the passage of time.

Love is easy, but living together is hard; when love is intense, it can also turn thin. The promises made in the heat of love often can't endure the bitter years after love fades. Those who say they'll be lifelong friends may scatter in the passage of time. Life comes and goes, and whatever the relationship between people, it's all about fate, and the depth and length of fate depend on whether we can cherish each other day after day, year after year.

The human heart is unpredictable; someone else's heart may not be like ours, and genuine affection doesn't always guarantee genuine affection. As the saying goes: "The road of life may seem short, but it's enough to let you see every face around you." Real love won't be diluted by time; instead, it becomes stronger with the passage of time, enduring forever.

True friendship won't be hindered by time; instead, it deepens with the accumulation of years, becoming more genuine and fragrant. True family affection isn't about never quarreling, but about love remaining after the quarrels.

No matter how the world changes, how many times the seasons change, believe that someone will always stay by your side. Time doesn't speak, yet it sees through hearts; years pass quietly, yet they witness sincerity. In the vast sea of people and the long journey of life, may we all be treated sincerely by many.

If not, let us learn compassion and tolerance in misfortune and loneliness. Do your best and time will tell you the answers.

When we start something, we often rush for results. If we don't see them immediately, it makes us anxious. Little do we realize that just like sowing in spring and reaping in autumn, everything requires time; when the time comes, it will naturally come to fruition. The growth of a towering tree starts from the sprouting of a tiny seed, enduring countless years of wind and rain.

Many things in the world require long-term accumulation for qualitative change. For example, in sports, you won't see significant results in the short term.

This reminds me of a saying: "Whether you exercise or not, the difference will affect the entire life." When you understand this, you see the power of accumulation, and you understand the significance of persistence and self-discipline.

In this world, nothing persists because of seeing hope; rather, persistence allows us to see hope. It's like water dripping on a stone, grinding a needle from a pole. The charm of time lies in the fact that no one can determine what will happen next moment, but please believe, there are no wasted paths in life; every step counts.

Dedicate yourself to what you believe in, and let time handle the rest; it will surely give us the answers we seek. Time doesn't speak, years don't utter a word, yet they make us understand: though the future holds many unknowns and uncertainties, we should all be confident, because time will not fail every effort we put in.

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Wealth Indicators: 4 Middle-Age Milestones

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Wealth Indicators: 4 Middle-Age Milestones

As the year-end approaches, people always like to summarize the year. What have they accomplished this year, and what goals have they not yet achieved? At the beginning of the year, they are more enthusiastic about setting new goals. Regardless of whether they will take action, goals should still be set. What if they are achieved?

2024 just passed, some people lament that they haven't done anything yet, while others have reaped a lot. If you want to "restart your life" in the new year and make your future self grateful for your present self, then you need to start from this moment: refuse to slack off and plan ahead. 2025 has just begun, and how you spend it is entirely up to you.

1.Health is wealth.

A former colleague posted on social media: "In 2024, the place I visited most often was the hospital. Whether it was flu, cold, or any other virus, I caught them all. Each time, it cost me not only physical discomfort but also enough money to travel to hospital several times. So, taking care of your health is the top priority for 2025."

Many people reach middle age with little money and lots of health problems. Recently, I heard some heartbreaking news.

A cancer patient posted on online: "Hey guys, I finally found freedom." B majored in broadcasting in college but loved traveling and even obtained a tour guide license. In March 2018, she found a job at a travel agency in Shanghai. However, in July, she was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. She spent the next five years fighting cancer. The family spent a lot of money on her treatment, borrowing from all their relatives. Her father even donated his bone marrow twice. In order to provide better nutrition for his daughter, her father, who couldn't cook at all, became a great cook. Finally, B's condition worsened, and despite efforts to save her, she left her parents who loved her the most.

Tomorrow and accidents, we really don't know which will come first.

All we can do is take care of ourselves while we are still healthy.

2.Beyond physical health, another important aspect is to strive to earn money.

Regardless of one's financial situation last year, in the new year, one must strive to earn money. The primary source is to excel in your main job. Recently, I chatted with a friend named Q who had recently received a promotion and a raise. She shared her experience: "There is no other way but to excel in your profession." Q was originally just a copywriter. Because she enjoyed writing and creativity, she joined her current company. At first, her copywriting didn't grab attention and she was often scolded by her superiors. But Q was tenacious. She kept studying excellent cases and summarizing the logic of successful planning cases. As a result, the number of revisions to her proposals decreased, and the number of compliments from clients increased. Finally, her efforts paid off. At the end of the year, she received a 30% increase in salary.

For most ordinary people, increasing income through their main job is still the main source. It can serve as a safety net and maintain the baseline of income. At the very least, it can rely on one's "irreplaceability" to avoid being laid off when the environment is not good. In addition, doing well in side jobs is equally important. If promotion and salary increases are difficult in middle age, then engaging in side jobs can also be a way to increase income.

3.Dealing with relationships around you: Learn to release love and also learn to let go.

Harvard conducted a 75-year study tracking 724 men and concluded that true happiness is actually a mindset that comes from within. A portion of this mindset comes from achieving self-worth, while another part comes from healthy relationships with others.

A netizen, Moon, shared a story about her aunt who was unhappy for a period of time. In her aunt's own words, she was a "woman with a tough life." As a wife, her husband often worked overtime and didn't come home. When she wanted to talk to him, he was not available, and when they did meet, they often argued.

As a mother, her son also avoided her, locking himself in his room whenever he was home, with very little communication between them. However, according to her husband and son, the situation was completely different: her husband didn't like coming home because every time he did, his wife would either nitpick at him or complain, emitting negative energy. And her son didn't like to communicate with her because his mother was not gentle and often used a serious tone to criticize him.

Later, the aunt met a family therapist. After explaining the situation at home, the therapist offered her some advice: "The reason for the coldness between family members is because they don't feel loved. As a woman in the family, you should be the lubricant. From today onwards, learn to release love to those around you. Start with praising your husband and caring for your children."

After listening to the therapist's advice, the aunt went home and actively shared interesting things that happened during the day with her husband and gently called her son to dinner in the evening. After some time, she noticed a change in the atmosphere at home. Her husband started coming home more often, and her son enjoyed talking to her. Relationships between people are dynamic. If you act rigidly, you will receive indifference, but if you give warmth, you will receive love. And when we start to change, the relationships around us will change too.

There was a post about a friend who always poured cold water on her. She distanced herself from this friend. Much later, when asked why she no longer contacted her, she said, "I can't change her personality, so I had to change the relationship between us." There's a saying I agree with: "The secret to happiness is to place yourself in healthy relationships."

In 2025, try to assess the relationships around you. Cherish those who care about you, and bravely distance yourself from those who make you unhappy.

4.Never stop reading, traveling, and exercising.

"A person not only has this life but also should have a poetic world." Beyond material life, we also need to enrich our spirits. In doing so, boredom becomes interesting.

Reading and traveling are the best choices for enriching the spirit. Reading is a journey of the mind, and traveling is reading for the body. A friend named C always seems full of energy, and someone asked her for the secret to her zest for life. She said, "There's no other reason than having an escape route." While at work, she feels drained and frustrated like everyone else, but when the weekend comes, she either stays at home and reads all morning or flies to another city for the weekend. Just the thought of going to see the snowy mountains sweeps away her worries.

Every time she returns from a trip, the energy she brings back is enough to sustain her for a long time.

And if you really can't find a hobby, why not try exercising?

V is a running enthusiast who once shared his experience in a book. In 2005, he was diagnosed with diabetes. The doctor told him, "Diabetes is incurable. You need to take medication for the rest of your life or rely on insulin." After hearing this news, he became depressed and even developed depression.

At the lowest point, a friend advised him to go out, take a walk, run, and breathe fresh air. With a try-it-out attitude, V insisted on going to the nearby park for a few steps every day. After six months, not only did his weight decrease, but he also no longer needed to take medication. He himself exclaimed: Running completely changed my life.

If you feel that your life is a mess right now, consider sticking to exercise for a while. Even if it doesn't solve all your problems, at least it can change your mental state.

"There are three things in life that cannot be saved. The first is reading, the second is traveling, and the third is exercising." I strongly agree with this. Besides work, one should always have something to rely on spiritually, even if it's just something small like running.

In 2025, in addition to working hard, make sure to enrich your spirit. It could be learning a new skill or cultivating a hobby. Both the body and the soul should be on the move. Life can indeed be designed. No matter what hand you were dealt initially, without planning, life is like a pile of sand. But with clear plans and specific actions, life can be aggregated into a tower, allowing you to go further.

In the new year, if you want to restart your life and change yourself, you must adhere to self-discipline and never be lazy or give up. Keep healthy. Physical health is paramount. Even if other goals are not achieved, being healthy and free from illness, with all health indicators in order, is already commendable.

Work hard and earn money. Whenever possible, maintain your ability to work and earn money. This is the capital for adults to settle down.

Handle relationships with those around you. Learn to love others and let yourself be loved, placing yourself in healthy relationships and staying away from relationships that drain you.

Enrich yourself. If you have no money, read more; if you have money, travel more. Not only can this broaden your horizons, but it can also enrich your soul.

"A day's labor is a day's wage; persistence brings success."

The process of transformation may be difficult, but the fruits will be sweet.

What are your goals or plans for 2025? Feel free to share them in the comments, and next year on this day, we'll check back together.

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The harshest reality of society is that

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Six Habits to Thrive in the New Year

In life, happiness and sorrow coexist; joy and sadness walk hand in hand. No one's life is completely smooth sailing. However, we must believe that the current difficulties will pass, and what lies ahead in our future will be joy and happiness. In the new year, each of us should care more about ourselves. Starting with small things and making the best use of the present is the best way to make life more beautiful. Today, I'm sharing six good habits to help us embrace the new year and live a more fulfilling life.

1.Think Less

People without anxiety aren't without it because they are solving the problems causing anxiety. The most effective way to eliminate anxiety is quite simple: to immediately do what causes your anxiety. Often, the more you think, the more anxious you become. No matter how big the problems in life, excessive worry only makes the situation worse. Life presents challenges; everyone faces various pressures. In the New Year, what we truly need to do is to reduce our worries and take more practical action. Remember, the true way to change things is through practical action.

2.Be Optimistic in Everything

If a person's heart is filled with clouds of worry, life will inevitably be full of obstacles. If you live with negative emotions, not only will you feel unhappy, but you won't be able to have a positive impact on others. Worries come from within. To live comfortably, one must positively interpret and understand life. We have many choices in life. To stay optimistic, realize that many people in the world face greater difficulties than you. Face life with a mindset that 'as problems arise, solutions arise', then every day will be filled with beautiful scenes.

3.Find Happiness in Life

In life's journey, there's an endless stream of tasks. If your heart is full of anxiety, happiness will stay far away. When feeling exhausted, stop and take a break. Everyone faces difficulties and grievances; continuous tension will undoubtedly rob life of its joy. The writer Gogol once said, "Happiness prolongs life." Happiness is the vitality of body and mind, hope and belief, confidence in the present and future, and faith in all progress. No matter the situation, with a happy attitude, life will become more fulfilling.

4.Follow a Regular Diet

Food plays a crucial role in life. In daily diet, the balance between meat and vegetables is crucial, with more fresh vegetables. Many health experts also advise: "Eat well for breakfast, eat until you're full for lunch, eat less for dinner." Oily foods and irregular eating habits are not good for health. Reduce meat intake, eat more vegetables, and keep food consumption to about 70% full.

5.Work Diligently

"Life doesn't have too late a start; it's just too lazy to fulfil it." Laziness will consume a person's willpower and enthusiasm, leading to inaction and feelings of defeat. No matter what you do, it doesn't depend on timing, but on whether you are willing to put in the effort. In the new year, working diligently and completing the tasks assigned by your superiors will not only help you earn more but also earn recognition from your boss. Those who are too lazy will find it difficult to lead a good life. If you want to live better, in the new year, make sure to be proactive.

6.Exercise a Little More

We all know the benefits of exercise, but very few actually put it into action. Many people believe that exercise will make them tired; hence they refuse to do it. But perhaps you're not aware that not exercising will make you more tired. People who rarely exercise feel back pain after doing physical activities and feel out of breath after walking a bit. These are signs of a lack of exercise. In the new year, don't hesitate anymore. Start now and create an exercise plan for yourself. By persisting in exercising, you will have a healthy body. Only with good health can life be more beautiful. Time can't be reversed, and moments can't be stopped. I hope in the days ahead, you will strive forward. Let's start with these small habits and shape a brand new self.

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The harshest reality of society is that

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The harshest reality of society is that

San Francisco hosted an upscale meeting of 500 tycoons and politicians in 1995. The gathering prophesied that globalization's progress would significantly widen the wealth gap and intensify the social class conflict. To keep the poor in line, they devised a method: to continuously provide entertainment for the poor, much like giving a baby a pacifier. This is the renowned "pacifier theory."

Reflecting on real life, have you made this observation? 

Whenever you try to focus on something, various distracting factors emerge. While studying, you might itch to play a game, which results in hours passing by; or when starting work, you can't resist clicking on a short video and unknowingly spend half the day scrolling.

The essence behind these "pacifiers" is the "dopamine lure." Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that enables one to rapidly experience pleasure. However, like a cheap drug, it keeps individuals immersed in pleasure.

In contrast, endorphins require an individual to overcome inherent instincts, requiring a challenging effort. However, once obtained, the individual experiences tremendous satisfaction from self-improvement. The harshest aspect of society is that the poor are lost in the pleasure brought by dopamine.

Conversely, the rich continually strive for endorphins. What is the most valuable thing in the 21st century? It's time. Whoever can save someone else's time can gain that person's wealth. If someone's time is wasted, they are doomed to poverty because everyone's time is limited. If you invest your energy in self-improvement and skill enhancement, your value naturally increases significantly. But if you waste a lot of time on pleasure and entertainment, the time for personal growth will be significantly compressed, and silently, you'll be completely wasted.

"The most frightening thing that completely wastes a person is not poverty itself, but those silent temptations. These temptations slowly erode your mind, consume your valuable things, and eventually overthrow you into a useless person."

"In large cities, the way to ruin someone is very simple. Provide a quiet, cramped space, an internet connection, and preferably takeout orders. That's how you start the journey to ruin."

"These dazzling short videos, live streams, and games constantly trigger your dopamine secretion. An immediate surge results in immediate delight, while continuous secretion leads to continuous pleasure. When desire is controlled by this stimulation, you unconsciously become addicted. Gradually, you start ignoring the passing of time, becoming increasingly satisfied with the current state. When you spend all your time on enjoyment, you won't want to change your life anymore."

"Over time, you are destined to sink into the abyss of poverty, and it's hard to extricate yourself. A study by Harvard Business School revealed a stark contrast: the wealthy and elite class prefer additive forms of leisure, such as reading, learning, and exercising. Conversely, the poorer classes tend to gravitate toward consumptive forms of entertainment like playing mahjong, gaming, and watching soap operas. Different forms of entertainment shape entirely different destinies."

There was once a movie about the stock market maven Warren Buffett titled "Becoming Warren Buffett." In this film, Buffett didn't reveal any quick methods for becoming rich. He simply focused on consistent reading of books and newspapers. While the average person watched TV, he forced himself to read academic materials; when they played games, he absorbed the latest financial knowledge. While the ordinary person watched short videos, he diligently studied the most advanced wealth concepts. He woke up before 7 am daily, spending 5 to 6 hours reading various news and financial reports. His office had no computers or smartphones, only books on shelves and newspapers spread open behind him. Yes, renouncing low-level entertainment and persistently engaging in lifelong reading and learning were Buffett's secrets to success.

"Those who produce and design high-tech products never become addicted themselves; they always spend their time in more valuable pursuits."

Steve Jobs' children never used tablets; they spent weekends at home reading books and discussing history.

Observing the lives of the affluent, you'll find many wealthy individuals aren't lax but work diligently and persistently; even if their physique is already excellent, they maintain dietary control and a fitness regimen. Even with high educational qualifications, they continue to read and learn, continually enhancing themselves.

Why is this the case?

It's because the pleasure brought by dopamine is exceedingly cheap.

If you become engrossed in the pleasure of lower levels, no matter how much wealth you have, it will deplete with every comfortable experience.

In contrast, obtaining endorphins is painful but powerful, and strong individuals are eager to conquer.

You must continually force yourself to engage in valuable yet painful tasks, executing those monotonous yet meaningful duties.

Only through this can you firmly control wealth and achieve a worry-free life. Aristotle once said, "Compared to the pleasures pursued by animals, humans should pursue higher-level and greater happiness."

Dopamine represents animalistic pleasure, but over time, it will only consume your time, rendering life meaningless. Endorphins, on the other hand, are the reward after pain, requiring significant effort from you but can bring about revolutionary changes.

How can you pursue endorphins and change your current predicament? Here are three pieces of advice for you.

1. Endure what others can't.

In today's fast-paced era, almost everyone pursues immediate gratification. However, if you can be more patient than others, the gap will gradually widen. For instance: while others in college are dating, you choose to read and code; while others play cards or games, you engage in serious study. To avoid mediocrity, resist pressures and temptations that lead you towards an average path. Thus, when you choose restraint while others indulge, you naturally stand out.

2. Be firmer in dealing with what others can't handle.

Activities that generate endorphins are never easy. For example, when Haruki Murakami started running, he'd wake up at 4:30 AM. Even within those 30 minutes, he'd sweat profusely and pant for breath but persisted. In literature, he'd sit alone in his room all day, editing manuscripts, even basic drafts requiring eight revisions. In reality, there is no easy success to be had, no achievement without effort. Life works this way: the more stringent you are on yourself, the better life will be for you.

3. Surpass what others can't surpass.

In this world, activities that lead to someone's downfall will quickly provide feedback. For instance, watching short videos instantly makes you burst into laughter; eating sweets or snacks immediately brings immense satisfaction; playing a game offers an instant feeling of conquering the world. However, this happiness will cause gradual degradation, ultimately leading to nothing. On the contrary, things worth pursuing and remarkable have very slow feedback mechanisms.

Exercising once won't give you six-pack abs instantly, but persisting for a year might. Reading one book won't bring immediate cognitive change, but reading thousands might bring revolutionary change. Only by persistence can you taste the sweetness brought by endorphins. Only by enduring a period can you change the outcome of your destiny.

There's a saying: "People don't differ much in talent, but their ultimate achievements vary greatly. It's not just about factors like environment and luck; the crucial point is that some choose the path of pursuing dopamine, while others choose the road of endorphins."

When immersed in the happiness brought by dopamine, what will ultimately return to you is life's hardships. However, when diligently cultivating yourself in the pain that endorphins bring, life's inevitable return to you will be sweetness. Always remember: don't let those lower pleasures ruin your life. Don't become the frog in warm water, eventually losing yourself in familiar life.

May you also become a person who consistently progresses, restrains, improves, and perseveres. Only this way, your life will progress more smoothly.

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Prime Years' Pinnacle: Managing 35-55 Strategically

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Prime Years' Pinnacle: Managing 35-55 Strategically

The age of 35 marks a critical milestone in life. Before 35, people are usually in their prime youth, a time for learning, accumulating experiences, and continuous experimentation. After 35, life gradually matures, and we need to seriously consider everything, whether it's the burdens of life or the gifts of fate. As Yang Jiang said, "Choose the right path, not the easy one, to truly find yourself."

Today, I'd like to share three powerful rules of life, hoping to inspire you.

Harness the "Ripple Effect"

There's a profound story I once heard. A man, feeling unsuccessful, went to seek advice from a master. The master took him to a lake and threw a stone in. "What do you see?" asked the master. "I see ripples," replied the man. The master continued, "Where do those ripples come from?" "They're caused by the stone you just threw," the man answered. The master smiled and said, "Now try to stop those ripples." The man tried to interfere, but his attempt only caused more ripples, leaving him puzzled. The master cheerfully said, "Life is like that lake. Every step you take might not seem significant at first, but silently shapes your future path." After 35, we should understand that true strength isn't just about moving forward with perseverance but also looking forward. Strong individuals realize that every step taken today lays the foundation for the future.

Cultivate "Story Thinking"

After 35, meticulously tend to every small aspect of the present. Although the gains may seem meagre each time, each step accumulates and eventually builds a strong force. Cultivate "story thinking." A popular view on the internet says, "The most important ability a person can possess isn't mastering technology or marketing but telling a story." Life isn't a monotonous single-lane road; it's a series of vivid, ever-changing scenes. Wise individuals adeptly use the "power of storytelling": they transform dull problems into lively and captivating stories, making tedious truths engaging. When communication becomes swift and clear, the problems at hand naturally become more manageable.

I have heard an educative story. A mother noticed her child always peeking at the answers while doing homework. She repeatedly advised the child, "You must think on your own, homework has significance for testing and improvement..." Predictably, the child didn't listen and the behaviour even worsened. Later, she changed her strategy and decided to first tell the child a story: There was an archer who went to the archer's country to find a highly respected teacher to improve his archery skills. He crossed forests, scaled mountains, and found many arrows perfectly hitting the bulls eye on a tree. Eventually, he met the king, who didn't seem to possess remarkable skills. He asked, "How do you manage to hit the bulls eye with every arrow?" The king smiled and replied, "Anyone can do it. Shoot an arrow first, then draw a bulls eye around it." After hearing this story, the mother looked at the child and said, "Practice is the same. There's no progress in having all the answers correct." The child laughed, then willingly handed the answers to the mother. Logical reasoning might not be easy to persuade, but stories can give people rational insights.

Creating a "Moat"

I once heard an intriguing metaphor: If you liken a person to a castle, there must be a deep and steep moat surrounding it. This moat represents a person's core, ensuring an area of undisturbed refuge, even in the face of external threats. After 35, various pressures come in abundance. Without unique strengths, it's challenging to stand out in life's intense competition. But nothing can defeat someone with a strong core. The strength of one's core determines how smooth the future will be. Life is filled with uncertainties. The only thing we can do is not let today become tomorrow's regret. The best way to create the future is to start now and constantly improve oneself. Establish your moat to better confront the unknown future. After 35, life enters its second half. It's not noble to be better than others; true nobility lies in transcending one's past self. Managing well is a summary of the first half of life and a foundation for future life. May both you and I adhere to these three rules of the strong, crafting an ideal life in life's most crucial period.

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Happiness in Life is More Important than Anything Else

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