The Friends We Lose in Middle Age

Why do people gradually have fewer friends or even lose friends as they reach middle age? There is a well-accepted explanation: in middle age, people find themselves busy, and the desire to meet friends becomes hard to fulfil. When was the last time you had a good chat with a friend? In social circles, there are moments of friends liking and greeting each other. However, most of the time, everyone seems silent. There's a saying: "No one will accompany you forever; some come and go for a certain period in your life." This quote is very apt. During middle age, people often feel that their circle of friends is diminishing.

Friends are merely companions on the journey.

There's a statement: "For middle-aged people, survival is a necessity, while friends become a luxury." It might sound harsh, but it holds some truth. Every middle-aged person is struggling for survival and striving for their family. Friends are just there for a while and then scatter. A friend shared this story:

One day, he was looking through old photos and unexpectedly found a picture of an old friend, which brought back memories of moments they had spent together. Suddenly feeling nostalgic, he picked up his phone and sent a message to his friend: "Old friend, how have you been? It's been so long." He waited for a while before getting a reply, surprisingly receiving several messages from his friend.

Initially, it was just a greeting, but then the friend began sharing his life's pressures: an ill father, huge mortgage stress, and so on. This string of messages revealed the stress and financial difficulties his friend was experiencing.

He assumed that his friend had reached out to ask for money, so he first shared his own predicament with the friend.

Upon seeing the friend's response, he hastily explained, "I was just going through old photos and missed you, so I thought I'd say hi." It was only then that he sensed the friend's understanding, receiving a reply: "It's been a while; let's catch up sometime." He understood it was a polite response.

Hence, he politely agreed but never reached out to the friend again. He learned that their once strong friendship had become fragile amidst life's trivialities. Choosing to let go and not cause any further disturbance, silently wishing each other well, was the best form of respect they could offer each other.

As children, we often believe that friends will be friends forever. It's only as we grow up that we realize there's no such thing as eternity between people. Accompanying each other for a part of the journey is warmth enough. As middle age sets in, life's burdens become heavier. We must slog for our children's education and the family's livelihood. The cost of maintaining contact with friends also disminishes, leading to fading connections. Each person has their family to attend to and silent life pressures. Along the way, parting company is an inevitable, albeit helpless, reality.

Lack of Friends in Middle Age

Perhaps everyone has this realization at some point in their life: when young, there were numerous friends, always someone to share life's ups and downs. During happy times, there were companions to share joy, and in difficult times, there was always someone willing to share the burden. However, as time passes, the number of friends decreases, and those you can confide in become few and far between. It's not until middle age that one deeply understands that even deep friendships can diverge due to individual paths; even the most sincere relationships might drift apart due to life's different trajectories.

I have two close friends with whom I once shared everything, supporting each other through thick and thin. However, our communication became rare after entering the workforce.

Once, I made a considerable effort to have dinner with them both. However, we found it hard to connect with each other's topics. They only discussed the minutiae of their children's lives, how to buy cost-effective yet reliable milk powder, and what solid foods their children should eat. I wanted to share my professional challenges, but they seemed to think that was a thing of the past.

In the end, the only common topic we had was our shared past from decades ago, making the dinner incredibly boring.

At that moment, I realized that my closest friends and I had gradually drifted apart. Interpersonal relationships are akin to seasons; they stay close only when faced with similar situations, mutual aspirations, and interests. Once removed from shared points of reference, maintaining a deep connection becomes difficult. Even so, we conceal our feelings and keep moving forward. In life's journey, we continually meet and unavoidably part ways. We need not consciously maintain certain relationships, nor do we need everyone to remain in our lives.

As middle age approaches, friends become fewer. Yet, those who remain by your side are the genuine friends. Rather than concerning oneself with the quantity of friends, it's more important to spend time nurturing those true friendships. Life inevitably brings farewells; wishing former companions well who once walked a part of your journey is sufficient. In the remaining years, we should invest in our inner selves, be with our families, and constantly work on self-improvement. When you invest more energy in personal growth, you naturally attract like-minded individuals. May the coming years find us content, unperturbed by life's gains and losses, while enriching our inner selves to pursue our dreams and become our ideal selves.

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The Power of Mindset in Shaping Destiny

Adler’s theory is that "A person's life isn't entirely determined by fate and past traumas but lies in one's own mindset." Life can be compared to a mirror, reflecting the various ways of thinking in each individual. A good way of thinking is akin to having wings, enabling one to soar higher, while a negative mindset is like a quagmire, leading one deeper into despair. Those burdened by negative thinking often fail to realize this and simply complain about their bad luck. If you possess the following three types of thinking, you should be particularly cautious: they restrict your vision, growth, and depth, acting as stumbling blocks on the path of life and must be avoided.

Tunnel Vision

There's a psychological theory known as the "tunnel vision effect," which describes a situation where an individual is confined within a narrow tunnel and can only see an extremely limited view. It's like being in a valley where your observations are quite narrow. To get a broader view, you have to be at the peak of a mountain.

Tunnel vision thinking limits the breadth of one's thoughts, restricting the potential for success. This kind of thinking makes success difficult even with maximum effort.

For instance, consider a story about a woman in her forties who works as a delivery person. She grew up in a financially tight situation and went to work straight after completing high school. Despite years of societal struggle, she always harboured the dream of going to college. However, she was unable to pursue her studies due to financial pressures and family responsibilities.

To achieve her career goals, she devised a rule: eight hours for survival, eight hours for development. Every day, she worked hard for eight hours delivering food, using the remaining time to learn new skills, such as creating short videos, reading, and playing the guitar. One of her videos gained numerous likes, unexpectedly generating extra income. The food delivery platform noticed her dream of attending college and offered her a chance to study for free.

However, if she only focused on immediate profits by delivering a few more orders every day, she might have earned more money. But compared to the opportunity for free college and limitless future prospects, those additional earnings were inconsequential.

"Life doesn't become narrow due to lack of intelligence but from insufficient experience and overly narrow vision." Limited thinking prevents individuals from seeing the long-term impacts and changes in things, causing them to miss opportunities and drift with the tide.

Only by breaking free from narrow thinking patterns, broadening horizons, and embracing unknown challenges can one enrich the breadth of their life.

Flea

Scientists conducted an experiment where fleas were placed in a glass jar. Initially, there was no lid, and the fleas could jump freely and quite high. However, when a lid was placed on top, the fleas kept jumping within the jar but couldn't escape. Even after the lid was removed, the fleas didn't jump as high as before, hardly exceeding the height of the previous lid.

This experiment metaphorically mirrors human circumstances. Many failures stem from self-imposed limitations, hindering the attainment of higher achievements. Those controlled by "flea thinking" are often confined by narrow-mindedness and start doubting and negating themselves when faced with difficulties. Fear of failure exacerbates further failure.

The story of a female security guard is inspirational. Jane, in her fifties, worked as a security guard at an elementary school. A modelling teacher awakened her long-lost dream of becoming a model. Despite Jane's hesitation due to her age, she started learning modelling from scratch. Internal doubts lingered: "Can I really do this?" Encouragement from her daughter gave her the courage to begin her modelling journey. After work, she diligently practiced her posture for several years.

During this time, she won many awards and gradually became more confident. Her success story illustrates that without trying and taking risks, one cannot discover their potential or embark on the path to success.

"The whole of life is an adventure. Those who go the farthest are often those willing to take risks." Kick away those stumbling blocks, don't limit yourself. When you feel "I can't do it," tell yourself "try again," you might discover a different height in life.

"Ignorance is the obstacle to success, and its severity is beyond what we can imagine." Being complacent, not seeking advancement, and being subject to manipulation are all indications of ignorance. These limit vision, stifle talent, and constrain limitless future possibilities. The stage size depends on the breadth of one's mind. To break through life's obstacles, one must shatter the shackles of limited thinking.

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Selective Kindness: Reserving Your Goodness for the Worthy

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Reserving Your Goodness for the Worthy

"Emotions are not a one-sided performance but a sincere devotion from both parties." The most desolate thing in the world is when I cook for you, you feast; I make the bed, you sleep peacefully; I offer my kindness, you enjoy it all. However, you consistently turn a blind eye to my efforts even causing me harm. Instead of waiting for an endless story with no conclusion, enduring an unreciprocated emotion, it's wiser to turn away timely. In the future, reserve precious feelings for the right person.

Wrong Paths Need Turning, Wrong People Need Letting Go

Hunters on the grasslands set traps to capture animals. They observed a peculiar phenomenon: they caught various animals frequently but seldom managed to trap wolves. It was revealed that when a wolf was caught in a trap, it would gnaw its leg off along with the bone and sinew, escaping with three bleeding legs. In economics, there's the concept of "sunk costs," referring to costs invested and impossible to recover, such as time, money, and emotions. Faced with these "sunk costs," some spend days regretting without the courage to let go, sinking deeper into a chasm, making the situation irretrievable. Others, like a gecko, shed the tail, abandon the loss, and start anew.

Mistakes are sometimes inevitable in relationships. It's most challenging when one walks a path, loves for half a lifetime, only to realize that everything was wrong. Only those who have experienced the entanglement and pain that are desperate to end it can genuinely understand. Instead of clinging to future expectations, it's better to bravely let go, thus severing ties. This way, one can escape the whirlpool and prevent greater losses. Be it in economics or emotions, a timely stop-loss, seemingly painful, is actually a form of wisdom. "Turn back from the wrong path in love, let go of the wrong person promptly." Only then can one preserve their dignity or perhaps luckily encounter the right person.

Meeting the Right Person Exchanges True Feelings

In this materialistic world, many emotions are driven by self-interest. If, unfortunately, you find yourself in such a situation, retract your genuine emotions and learn to turn away. In life, some roads are only appreciated after traveling them; some individuals' worth is only realized after interacting with them; some emotions' value is only discovered after investing in them. These people and emotions, whether right or wrong, are all part of our lives. Only by accepting and forgetting can we continue to move forward. If you meet a good person, wholeheartedly give your all. If you haven't yet, hold onto your sincerity and love yourself well. Sometimes, turning away might bring rebirth.

Sometimes need to turn back to allow reborn

Giving without losing dignity, even with much effort, rarely earns others' respect and praise. It's only through giving with boundaries, offering with dignity, and being kind yet firm that one can gain others' respect and cherish. There is no standard for those who love you; they allow you to be yourself in the most relaxed state. Those who don't love you constantly demand and calculate, seeking to satisfy their desires. Rather than let others continually deplete you, it's better to turn away. Sometimes, turning away might signify a new beginning. Therefore, your genuine affection should be treasured, only for the right person. Life only bestows deserved happiness when one gives to those who are worthy. Perhaps the most valuable thing in life is true affection, and the most precious is genuine feelings. Since genuine emotions are rare and precious, they shouldn't be wasted. Life is limited; don't waste a lifetime's effort on unworthy people. If accompanied by a virtuous individual, one will shine brightly; if alone, one must learn to illuminate oneself. In the days to come, always save your sincerity for the right person.

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Cracking the Code: Unraveling Human Character in Three Details

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Cracking the Code: Unraveling Human Character in Three Details

Since ancient times, human nature has been complex, and the human heart is enigmatic; we find it challenging to completely understand someone. As the saying goes, "Character is evident in behaviour, and the inner self is hidden within actions." To comprehend someone's essence, these three details are sufficient.

1. Attitude towards Parents Reflects One's Character

Parents provide life, nurture us into adulthood, and are the most unconditionally loving individuals in our lives. They are the closest people to us. We manifest our genuine selves in front of our parents without inhibitions, freely exhibiting our nature. However, the way one treats their parents often reflects their true character and conduct. Typically, we reserve our good temper for others while displaying our bad temper to family members. Psychologically, this is a common phenomenon. However, individuals who maintain a good and courteous demeanour in front of their closest relatives showcase exceptional cultivation and admirable qualities.

2.    Attitude Towards Profit Reflects One's Character

Facing profits reveals human nature. Money is a sign of human nature, and the pursuit of profit is the touchstone of character. When tested by profit, the good and bad sides of human hearts become apparent, and the warmth or coldness of human relationships becomes evident. Faced with the allure of profit, the cunning easily lose themselves and invite trouble, while those with noble character can maintain their integrity.

Consider a young man wanting to start a business. Lacking funds, he borrowed money from his brother, who unhesitatingly handed over all his savings. Yet, the business failed, and the young man disappeared without repaying the debt. Later, the brother fell seriously ill and urgently needed money. Upon seeking the young man's whereabouts to ask for help, the latter avoided discussing it and showed no concern for the brother's illness. He even evaded responsibility, saying, "It's the brother's duty to help the younger, so there's no need to repay." Eventually, the brother's friend stepped in and helped him through the tough times. From then on, their relationship was severed. Money can change a person's outward appearance. Faced with monetary interests, one can peer into a person's soul. Those who know contentment have a basic bottom line, while the selfish and greedy lack principles. In this journey of life, emotions and morality are paramount; money can be earned again, but after losing trust and morality, it's challenging to regain them. Some individuals, driven by personal gains, sacrifice morals and forget their conscience, harming those who trust and genuinely care for them. When around such people, it is essential to distance oneself early and avoid giving one's heartfelt trust, which will only lead to profound disappointment.

3.    Attitude Toward the Weak Reflects Manners

How one treats the weak signifies their compassion and manners. True strength involves treating others regardless of status, without trampling on the vulnerable to showcase oneself. It demonstrates a person's sense of respect and goodwill toward others.

People often admire the strong, but it is the respect and kindness shown to the weak that represents the most valuable qualities. When people mutually respect one another, they can progress together, whereas mutual disdain causes mutual dislike. Truly cultivated individuals do not boast about their status but understand the perspective of the weak, treating others with humility and kindness. Not looking down on others due to one's own nobility is a benevolent attitude, as well as a wise and far-sighted view. Such an approach to life is exceedingly precious, and individuals like this will undoubtedly earn long-term trust and respect. A person's character can be glimpsed through their behavior and manner of speech.

In summary, a person's character can be observed by their actions:

• Their gratitude and patient companionship towards their parents.
• Their stance regarding profits, their adherence to ethics, and trustworthiness.
• Their treatment of the weak: are they modest, stable, and respectful?

Exemplary character is a person's greatest support, the most solid confidence, and the best passport for traversing the world.

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The Best State of Life: Half and Half

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The Best State of Life: Half and Half

• In Dealing with Interpersonal Relationships: Half Awake, Half Confused

In the interactions between people, everyone desires to be shrewd, fearing that they'll be taken advantage of. However, excessive concern for personal gains or losses can lead to misguided actions. Conversely, being moderately confused can often gain more favour among people and make things smoother. When facing criticism from others, it's also good to be moderately confused. Recognizing that each person's cognition and understanding vary, even when you express goodwill, you might receive a cold response. In such cases, silence might be a preferable choice.

• In Marriage: Half Management, Half Acceptance

If one becomes too meticulous, constantly critical of others, life will become entangled in endless disputes. Behind mutual tolerance in a marriage lies the support of an outstanding blunt-force quality. Being overly sensitive often leads to frequent quarrels and distress. If both parties refuse to yield, serious disputes and tension will ensue. However, if both parties take a step back and view the problem from the other's perspective, it can ease the situation by half. A successful marriage involves half management and half acceptance.

• In Work: Half Pursuit, Half Letting Go

An online saying goes: "There are no unreasonable workplaces, only unreasonable mindset." The workplace is a battlefield without gun smoke, where one must manage not just the relationship between people and work but also the relationships between people. Good interpersonal relationships bring happiness and high efficiency, while poor relationships make work stressful, causing a desire to escape. Work's quality directly affects happiness. Sometimes, the harder one tries, the more unattainable the goal feels. There seems to be a gap between reality and idealism. Faced with dissatisfaction, knowing when to let go is important. Letting go doesn't mean being indifferent but rather abandoning mental burdens. Do not compare yourself with others or show off at the workplace. Learning to compromise can solve many unpleasant situations. Treating work well is treating oneself well.

• With Money: Half Striving, Half Content

How one treats money reflects their cultivation. Being a bit confused, gaining less, and giving more might seem like a loss on the surface but actually distances one from greed, resulting in peace of mind. Don't fear loss; sometimes having too much becomes a burden. Letting go brings freedom. Money earned in one's lifetime is finite, but greed knows no bounds. Don't lose your health chasing after money; earn a set amount of money but nourish an interesting mind. People often ignore the beauty around them while longing for the unattainable. Strive for what destiny provides; let go of what isn't yours. A heart that is content is not swayed by materialism, always perceiving happiness. Half striving, half letting go, is the correct perspective on money.

• In Life: Half Hustle, Half Serenity

The most delightful part of life lies in its simplicity. The real pleasure in life doesn't come from luxurious food and drink but rather from the simple joys found in own grown vegetables. Material comforts make up a part of life, but true joy comes from spiritual pursuits. Life cannot exist without the necessities, but if they dominate and the soul is absent, life becomes meaningless. The best state in life lies in the pursuit. A serene mood, leaving room for life to breathe, allows you to sense the beauty. Overstraining in life is a form of harm. Taking things lightly, not blindly following, and not becoming entangled is key. Extremes in life are both regrettable. Half and half is the best state in life.

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Your Image Determines Your Income and Life

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Your Image Determines Your Income and Life

It's said that within the first 45 seconds of meeting someone, a first impression is formed. These 45 seconds' impressions are mainly based on appearances. Outward appearance and attire reveal an individual's depth and emotional intelligence. It's been said, "No one wants to understand your noble inner self through your unkempt appearance." Therefore, the image you present daily is your business card to the outside world.

Judging by Appearance Is an Instinct

Whether you're willing to accept it or not, the world still judges by appearances, as it's one of humanity's instincts. Those with outstanding appearances and elegant temperament often have more opportunities and are treated more favourably. This is the reality. In the workplace, individuals with good appearances and pleasant temperaments are more popular and are more easily welcomed. Regardless of the mistakes they might make, such individuals are more easily forgiven. When interacting with clients, individuals with good appearances find it easier to strike up conversations.

We need not criticize this phenomenon because it's a fundamental aspect of human nature. Therefore, we need to pay attention to our image in life. We should understand the importance of self-control, maintain our physique, engage in more physical exercise, and possibly invest in some decent clothing for significant occasions.

A good appearance truly matters. While judging based on appearance might carry bias, it has its rationality. An individual's appearance and style somewhat reflect their attitude towards life, social status, and taste. This directly influences their life.

Practicing a Good Image - Four Things to Do

An individual's image doesn't solely refer to appearance and attire; it's deeper, encompassing their aura, temperament, and mental state.

1. Read and Explore to Improve Character and Knowledge

If an individual lacks advantages in their appearance, they can compensate through talent. A person's intrinsic temperament, talent, and cultivation are often their best business cards, with the longest shelf life. Talents and thoughts are the highest-quality cosmetics; even the best clothes cannot dress them up.

2. Mind Your Diet and Exercise for a Good Physique

The difference between a successful appearance and a less successful one often comes down to differences in body shape. Cultivating a habit of exercise and fitness is crucial for maintaining a good physique. A person who exercises regularly has a completely different mental state from someone who doesn't exercise.

Therefore, mind your diet, don't indulge excessively, and maintain a good physique by being active.

3. Learn to Communicate Well

A person who can communicate well can uplift others with just a few words. However, those who cannot express themselves well often have their image discounted by others. How someone speaks reflects their cultivation and knowledge.

4. Dress Appropriately and Take Care of Yourself

Dressing appropriately for the occasion, not overly flamboyant or artificial, demonstrates sophistication and elegance. Clothing complements the person, just as a horse complements a saddle. I've never believed that someone who emphasizes their external image is superficial. Paying attention to dressing and self-care often indicates a deeper love for life.

Many times, your image tends to decide your life and more directly, your career and income. For the rest of your life, live earnestly without compromise or carelessness. Only then will life treat you kindly.

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Minding Your Business After Thirty

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Minding Your Business After Thirty

"The most sobering awareness is to understand your own position, much like knowing your own face."

As one reaches a certain age, they understand that the most important thing in life is managing oneself and not meddling in the lives of others. Often, what you believe to be guidance is nothing more than interference, and your so-called 'good intentions' are actually intrusive.

Don't Put Your Feet in Other People's Shoes

Question: What are the characteristics of truly ignorant people?

One of the responses was: "Finding pleasure in discussing others' private matters, making the criticism of others' right and wrong an important part of one's own life."

If the boundaries between people are lost, that will be the greatest disaster. Losing sympathy while traversing the world is the greatest tragedy.

There was a young man, the only son of a widowed farmer, who passed away at the young age of 20. He was the most outstanding worker in the village. On the day of the young man's burial, the landowner's wife visited the widow's house.

Upon entering, she saw the widow standing in the centre of her small hut, scooping up cabbage soup from the bottom of a black pot and drinking it, sip by sip. Even though her left hand hung weakly by her waist, her face was gaunt, her eyes swollen, she stood with a resolute posture.

The landowner's wife, taken aback, said, "At a time like this, you still have an appetite to eat. You have a heart of stone." She recalled her own grief from losing her daughter several years ago and had refused to move to an estate in the suburbs.

She asked, "Don't you love your son? How can you have an appetite for soup?" The widow replied, "My son is dead. My life is over, and my heart has died with it."

This story always deeply touches the heart. In real life, when we face the plight of others, we often tend to talk incessantly, thinking our words will help others, but in reality, we might be adding insult to injury.

"Everyone has a basket full of wisdom for others, a lantern lit high, which can illuminate others but not oneself." In social interactions, we should never speak on behalf of others. If we don't understand the whole picture, we should refrain from making random comments. If we don't comprehend someone else's pain and joy, we shouldn't meddle.

After middle age, cultivate more self-awareness, reduce interference, give up the habit of thinking you know best, and quietly lead a good life.

Don’t Sit in Others’ Spots and Enjoy Your Own View

In life, there are many people who always imitate the actions of others. Whenever someone else buys a big house or changes their car to a luxury model, even if their savings are limited, they will borrow money to buy a car of the same caliber. They see other couples having a sweet relationship, the husband giving his wife luxurious gifts, and they feel envious. Consequently, they argue incessantly at home. There are also those who see other people's children working abroad, feeling dissatisfied with their ordinary children, always worried about losing face in front of others. However, sitting in the spot of others to observe their own view will only yield disappointment in the end. If you only have the splendor of others in your eyes but ignore your own sustained, small happiness, you'll live a life accompanied by nothing but troubles.

Upon deeper thought, many times we only see what others have but fail to realize what they have lost. Each family has its own difficulties, and while you may envy others, perhaps they are also envious of you. When you admire someone else's life, perhaps your ordinary daily life is seen as precious by others. Don’t always seek your happiness in the happiness of others, and don't blindly imitate others. This way, you won’t miss out on a good life due to comparisons.

"Heaven won’t concentrate all happiness on one person. Having love doesn’t necessarily mean having money, having money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness, being happy doesn’t necessarily mean having good health, and having good health doesn't mean everything will go as planned. Gratitude and contentment are the best paths to refine the mind and purify the soul."

Truly mature individuals know how to appreciate the present, focus on their lives, and cherish their precious moments. In the second half of life, let go of what you can't obtain and treasure what you already have.

Don’t Measure Everyone’s Life with the Same Ruler

Don't use a single standard to measure everyone's rights and wrongs. There are many things you don't understand in the corners that you can't see. Because you haven't experienced darkness, you cannot understand why some people refuse to change their ideas. Pessimism can be seen as a profound insight into the future, but optimism is considered wisdom.

For things you haven't experienced personally, don't use an arrogant attitude to disregard everything.

I once saw a video. On Valentine’s day, a man prepared a carefully selected cosmetics gift box for his wife, and she intentionally recorded this special moment. This man spends years working away from home for the family's livelihood. It was a great challenge for him to take time off to celebrate this special day with his wife. Unfortunately, many criticized the gift he gave as being too cheap. However, what they didn't understand was that not everyone has experienced luxury brands or flying by airplane. Respecting others' happiness, refraining from unnecessary interference is also a form of kindness.

"The greatest thing in life is to do your best without overly intervening in others' matters. You can offer advice, but you can't force others to act according to your own ideas."

From now on, become a person with a rich inner world and broad horizons. When you possess a clear mind, everything will become beautiful.

In this world, there are only three things: your own matters, others' matters, and destiny. For your own matters, complete them without depending on others. For others' matters, add more understanding and respect and less interference. As for destiny, accept it with an ordinary attitude.

Entering the second half of life, remember to handle your own matters properly, not intervene too much in others' matters, and deal with destiny with equanimity. Reflect on your own mistakes quietly, refrain from lightly judging others' faults; this is the highest level of attitude towards life.

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Never Help Others Bully Yourself

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